Sondrae Bennett - Chasing Paradise

Mate , his wolf whispered in his mind right before his world exploded into a blaze of colors and sounds. His body shuddered at the onslaught of sensations.

Through the haze of pleasure, he felt Gwen clench around him. Her cries of release tangled with his, echoing throughout the room.

Finally, Gwen was his. No one could stand in his way or deny she belonged only to him. Tranquility swamped him. All was right in the world, as long as Gwen was in his arms. He nuzzled her sweat-soaked hair and kissed her temple. He couldn’t wait for his family to meet her. His mate.

What had she done? Leaning against the wall, surrounded by Ethan’s warmth, by his scent, Gwen struggled to push down the panic bubbling to the surface. All she wanted to do was burrow against him, to take comfort in his embrace. Instead she silently cursed herself and her otter. Her shoulder throbbed where he’d bitten her. No, not just bitten her. Where he mated with her. And God, she’d never felt anything like it. Never experienced pleasure like that before. It was as if her very soul had exploded, and reformed intertwined with Ethan. And therein lay the problem.

Lost in passion, Gwen hadn’t even considered the consequences. Had never imagined it would go this far.

Now it was done and all she could do was curse herself. If she had one damn ounce of willpower, maybe she wouldn’t find herself mated to the one man capable of causing her irrevocable despair. Would he regret his decision now that it was too late to change it? Stupid question. Of course he would. Every word she’d heard him utter in the bar came back to haunt her. Just her luck, stuck with a mate who didn’t want her.

Reaching out, Gwen felt her tie to Ethan thrumming through her veins, his very presence pulling at her from the inside out. But mated or not, it didn’t change the facts. She knew the truth. Knew how Ethan felt about her. Being mated didn’t change anything.

She’d tried her hardest to save them both from this fate. Yet, here she was, mated to a man who didn’t think she was good enough for him. Who didn’t think her otter was good enough for his wolf.

Some part of him must have thought she was good enough. A shifter’s animal sought out their perfect match. But the human had their own thoughts and feelings separate from its beast. And this human didn’t want her. He’d already made that perfectly clear, whether he knew she’d heard or not.

The more she thought about it, the more Gwen’s spirits sunk. She wanted to cry, to wail at Fate. It just wasn’t fair. Why was she always the odd one out? The one who didn’t belong. Why was it her mate who didn’t want her?

Sensing Gwen’s retreat after such mind blowing pleasure cut a path through Ethan’s happiness. Pressed up against the wall and his body, he felt her physically and mentally withdraw from him. The wrench on their bond as she pulled away was downright painful.

What had happened? First, she had run and now, after sharing so much, she shut him out. All he wanted to do was strip out of his clothes and cuddle her warm body, but he knew without having to ask, it wouldn’t be welcome. How had things gotten so complicated?

Yesterday, Gwen had been warm, eager to please and be pleased. After their lovemaking, she had curled her body into his, arms wrapped around him. Today, her body fairly shook with distress and the need to retreat. Her small mewl of grief had his wolf rearing up. He swallowed the growl before it could escape, compelled to protect her from the cause of her misery. But how could he protect her against something he couldn’t see?

“Gwen, we need to talk.” He felt a shudder work through her system and cringed. That wasn’t a shiver of desire but one of distaste. Whatever had happened, it was bad. Nothing about this was going to be pleasant. But it had to happen.

All he wanted to do was tell her about his life in Alpine Woods, about his pack, and the house he hoped they would fill with children and laughter. Instead, he was faced with trying to determine what had gone so wrong in their relationship. And finding a way to fix it.

“Okay.” She seemed so vulnerable, her head bent back, avoiding his gaze. Looking down, he saw her nude body still surrounded by his almost fully dressed one. Of course she felt vulnerable. This wasn’t the way to have this discussion. They needed to be on equal ground if they were going to solve anything.

“Why don’t you get dressed and I’ll take you out to dinner? I haven’t eaten much all day.” As soon as the words left Ethan’s mouth, he remembered why he hadn’t eaten and his anger and pain surged forward. “Why, Gwen? Why did you leave me?”

Left him? Yes, Gwen had run away physically, but Ethan had run away emotionally before she had.

If Ethan thought she was the kind of mate who would wait around until he wanted to acknowledge her, he was in for a big surprise. Her otter might not have enough strength to hold back from the wolf who didn’t think she was good enough, but the woman sure as hell had enough pride to withhold herself from the man who didn’t want her.

“I didn’t ‘leave you,’ Ethan. I didn’t have you to begin with. I went on a vacation. I’m allowed to do something for myself, you know. It’s not always about what you want and need.”

The words sounded harsh even to her. After all, the man had chased her across state lines. But she needed to get a few things straight. Ethan might not want her, but it wasn’t always about him and his wants. If they were going to spend the rest of their lives together, Gwen needed him to know she wasn’t going to be stuffed into a corner like a toy he pulled out when he wanted to play. Gwen had needs, wants, and desires too. If he didn’t care enough to seek them, she’d make sure he listened. She was used to taking care of herself anyway.

“Easy, honey. Of course you’re allowed to do something for yourself.” His voice soothed her rough edges as his hand caressed her thigh. Things could be worse. He might not love her, but at least Ethan was kind. Many women weren’t so lucky. In her heart, she knew he would never intentionally hurt her. Everything had happened so fast. There was no time to brace herself, to wrap her head around her new situation.

Breathing deeply, Gwen tried to settle her nerves and get some perspective. Life had dealt her a tricky hand, but she was a strong woman. She’d take it and make do the best she could. After all, she still had her family and friends, a job she loved, and hopefully the future would bring children to spoil. The thought of children brought an ache to her chest. More than anything, Gwen craved children of her own.

“I’m sorry, Ethan. I didn’t mean to sound so defensive.” Gwen sighed. She needed to stop taking everything so personally. If she didn’t stop jumping down his throat all the time, they would be forever at odds.

Her apology touched him. Here was a woman who wasn’t afraid to admit her faults. Touching his forehead against his mate’s and cupping her cheek, Ethan vowed to be just as brave in admitting his faults. If only she’d tell him what they were.

Through the bond they now shared, he experienced the turmoil within her as if it was his own. He wished he could set her at ease. Women had never puzzled him before. Never had he struggled to figure out what to say or do. Yet he found himself scrambling with the one woman who mattered most. If only he could get her to Alpine Woods, he would make things better. His family would help him show her how perfectly matched they were for each other.

“It’s okay. Come on down when you’re ready. I’ll be waiting.”