Lux Zakari - Secretly More

“Yes, we can.” His lips found her exposed neck and his kisses grew desperate as they traveled lower to meet her collarbone.

“No, this isn’t right.” She wriggled in his arms, trying to shake off his grip and his mouth’s lingering spell. “We’re friends. We don’t do this sort of thing.”

“Clearly we do.”

“No, we don’t.” Kimber pushed away from him and stepped backward until she bumped into a tree trunk. She pressed her fingertips to her still-tingling mouth like a shield. “We can’t. This-us-it wouldn’t be right.”

Jay’s jaw tightened as he pressed his lips together and looked away, glancing toward the way they had come like a man steeling himself to walk over hot coals. After a long pause, he said, “I should get you home.”

Kimber’s throat constricted as a sharp pang of regret punctured her heart, and she shuffled beside Jay in silence as they made their way back to the car. Her fear intensified with every step, robbing her of the ability to even begin to know how to repair the damage. It was impossible to concentrate on anything but how she’d just ruined one of the most important friendships she ever had.

They returned to the Monte Carlo, and Jay started the car and immediately switched on the radio, filling the awkward lack of conversation. The action wounded Kimber further; she dreaded talking about what just happened but was terrified what would happen if it wasn’t addressed. Clearly, Jay was not about to bring up the topic. She watched him on the ride home from the corner of her eye, noticing his blank, unreadable expression and how he drove the car like he was going to be graded on his efforts. An outsider wouldn’t even bat an eye at his behavior. Kimber knew better. She licked her dry lips and looked out the window, wondering if she would ever see him again. It was a histrionic thought, but what else was she supposed to think at this point?

Jay pulled up in front of Kimber’s apartment building and let the car idle, both hands still on the wheel as he looked in the rearview mirror. “All right, see you around.”

Kimber felt ready to crack in half and curled her fingers into fists. “Jay, will you look at me?”

He turned to her, his face stoic and impossible to interpret. He said nothing.

“I’m sorry about what happened back there.” She swallowed hard. “I don’t want it to ever be weird between us. You’re my best friend in the world and I hate the thought of ever losing you. I care about you so much.”

Jay broke eye contact again, his gaze returning to the rearview as he scratched his shoulder. “I know.”

Another silence fell between them, making Kimber want to scream. “Well, what’s going to happen now? Has everything changed? Are we not friends anymore?”

After several excruciating moments, he finally said, “No. We’re still friends.”

“Okay. Good.” Kimber noticed that he still refused to look at her but she had run out of things to say. She sensed he wasn’t saying what he wanted to, but she didn’t have enough proof to demand honesty, especially when she wasn’t sure she wanted him to be too honest. She hooked her fingers in the door handle. “I’ll see you tomorrow then.”

“Yep.” He nodded as she climbed out of the car. “Later.”

Kimber watched him drive away, feeling like a wrecking ball had slammed into her chest. It was the first time they’d parted in years without a hug goodbye.

“I’ve figured out what your problem is,” Ferney announced the next day when Kimber slid into the passenger seat of her sister’s Subaru Legacy.

“Great, I can’t wait to hear what it is.” Kimber raked a hand through her unwashed hair and adjusted the giant Jackie O sunglasses on her face, suddenly feeling self-conscious. A few minutes ago, rolling out of bed without showering had seemed like a great idea after a night of crying with little sleep. Now, next to Ferney, who looked fresh and classy to suit her titling and abstracting job for the gas company, she wished she didn’t look as horrible as she felt. Attempting to look like a normal person who bathed and wore clean clothes probably would’ve gone a long way to feeling at least an ounce better.

Ferney peeled away from Kimber’s apartment complex, narrowly missing taking out a row of mailboxes without batting an eye. “The last person you slept with spent six years not worshipping you like you deserve. This can be attributed to the fact that prior to him, your experience with men was so limited you never learned how to assert your needs in the bedroom.”

Kimber grunted in response, half listening and half wondering if she could fall asleep behind her sunglasses without her sister noticing.

“So what I propose is you gain some sexual confidence. Then you’ll learn to be more demanding of the men you wind up with and never have to settle again.”

“And how do you propose I do that? Go out and screw a bunch of guys?” Kimber’s patience frayed; the last thing she needed was her sister in her ear, insisting on her promiscuity.

“Not a bunch, just a few who know what they’re doing. But first, you need to know what you’re doing. That’s why we’re going to get you a special present today.”

“A special present, huh? Is it loaded?”

“Ha ha.” Ferney glided the car to a stop, the gravel parking lot crunching beneath the tires. “Well, here we are.”

Here turned out to be Amour, the sex shop down the pike from Kimber’s apartment complex. Kimber stifled her frustration as Ferney turned off the ignition. “You’re supposed to be taking me to pick up my car from the garage.”

“And I will. But first, I’m treating you to a vibrator.” Ferney alighted from the car like the Duchess of York and arrived at the passenger door. “Considering that useless Dane probably never pleasured a woman in his life, I think you’ll be a lot happier once you start having effortless orgasms and realize what you’ve been missing. Trust me, I know these things. I used to do those passion parties so I’m an expert. You’re lucky to have me.”

Kimber groaned as Ferney tugged her from the vehicle by her wrist. “Wouldn’t I be luckier if you weren’t telling me I need a sex toy?”

“I can’t believe I have to even tell you. It’s common knowledge that every girl needs to own a vibrator.”

“I never needed one before.”

“Yes, you did. You just didn’t know it.”

“Look, my sex life with Dane was never the issue, okay?” Kimber eyed the building’s bay window with the lace curtains and the cardboard cut-outs of busty blondes in cop and pirate wench costumes. “It was probably the one thing we didn’t have a problem with. It was fine. We had fun.”

“Impossible. Just listen to the boring way you describe it.” She shot Kimber a pointed look. “Can you look me in the eye and tell me Dane fulfilled all your sexual needs, every single time, without fail? He always got you off?”

Kimber tried to ignore the hot flush that bloomed in her cheeks. “I think we’ve become a little too comfortable with each other. You care too much about what’s happening in my crotch. It’s time we start drawing some boundaries.”

“We’ll draw them later. Answer the question.”

“Well, no…” Kimber nipped her lower lip, doubt regarding her orgasms creeping into her. Could they really be called orgasms? The answer probably lay in her having to even wonder. “But so what? Are you telling me that Paul always makes you scream and moan without fail?”

Ferney yanked open the sex shop’s door. “Yep.”

“You lie.” Kimber followed her sister, who led them through the racks of diaphanous lingerie and vinyl skirts to the back room with the saloon-style half-doors and the sign overhead reading No one under 18 permitted .