Daphne Lamb - The Girl's Guide to the Apocalypse

He pulled out his textbook. “Know where I turn when I’m feeling down?”

“Not to the secrets of risk management.”

He made a pitying sound with his mouth, opening to a page in his book. “You’re missing out. Listen. The chances of achieving organizational objectives while protecting enterprise value will be maximized by having a clear grasp on business realities, understanding what ‘risk’ is, tying risk tolerance to performance, and deploying risk management above and beyond compliance activities.” He looked up and beamed. “Doesn’t that make you feel better?”

“I literally don’t know what any of that means or why it’s relevant,” I said.

“It’s comforting,” he said. “Truth is a valuable commodity. And so are quality girls like you. That’s what I get out of this.”

“I’m thirty-three and not a girl.” I smiled. “But thank you again.”

He nodded and then turned away.

I closed my eyes again and fell asleep.

I woke up and heard the slamming of the door a few hours later. I only opened my eyes slightly when I felt a heavy weight flop down onto the cushions next to me.

“Bruce?” I asked.

He laid there, back to me, but didn’t answer.

“Are you okay?”

More silence.

“If you’re awake,” I said. “It’s really awkward to have you lay here next to me and not talk. Unless you’re having a change of heart.”

“Oh, we’re still broken up,” he muttered. “Don’t you worry about that.”

“Then why are you laying here?” I asked. “There are other rooms in this house—”

He rose. “Where am I going to go then?” he asked voice raised. “Debra just talks about the food she’s not eating, Priscilla cries all the time and your boss is just a walking TED talk!”

“Why are you yelling at me?” I asked. “You’re the one who wanted more options.”

“This is so typical you,” he said. “Just keep making it all about yourself.”

“That makes no sense,” I said.

I turned over when he didn’t answer me. Priscilla emerged out of the darkened corner of the room, completely startling me.

“What the hell, Iris!” I said. “How long have you been creeping in there?”

“I’m Priscilla,” she said.

“Sorry.”

“No, I’m sorry,” she said. “Everything seemed so private I felt weird about it.”

“Now it’s just awkward,” Bruce muttered.

“Priscilla, how come you’re not sleeping in your room?” I asked.

“I don’t like it,” she said. “There’s a weird smell.”

“Problem solved,” I said. “Bruce, sleep in Priscilla’s room.”

He muttered something I couldn’t understand.

“We should do another food run,” Priscilla said. “Everything is going to run out so quickly.”

“Well, I’m not doing it now,” I said. “I just came back, and it was weird and exhausting.”

She slumped down onto the floor. “I need something to do. I’m going crazy.”

“Let’s wait until the evening,” I said. “I’ll go with you then.”

“I can’t stay here much longer,” she said. “I want to claw the walls or something.”

Debra appeared in the doorway. “You’d probably really enjoy cleaning the bathrooms and bedrooms. Might make you feel a bit normal. You’ll have to wait until morning, of course.”

I slept for hours. When I woke up, there were candles lit and Bruce was in the kitchen playing cards with Debra and Robert. There was laughter and loud conversation as Robert finished an anecdote.

“…and then my sister goes, ‘If that wasn’t you I caught with my sister, then report yourself to science for the awesome clone job!’”

I joined them, laughing along despite having no idea what made it funny and took a seat, hoping for their acceptance. I cleared my throat, smiling big. There was immediate awkward silence, and Bruce looked down, suddenly too interested in hands.

“Has anyone seen Priscilla?” I asked.

Debra didn’t answer, just looked up at me, covered her mouth and let out a fake cough. Robert mashed buttons on his BlackBerry and Bruce’s fingers had taken on a new level of fascination for him.

“Anyone?” I asked.

“Is this a new friend of yours?” Debra asked.

“No,” I said. “Priscilla. Remember? The woman you keep mistaking as the help.”

“Now I keep thinking her name is Lupe,” she said. “I have got to write these things down.”

Robert didn’t look up from what he was doing. “I sent her out for more food,” he said.

“But she said she wouldn’t go alone!” I said. “It’s dangerous out there.”

“Like you care,” Bruce muttered. “Probably just want to keep Darren to yourself. Well, he’s not going to give you a very good girlfriend review.”

“How are those options coming?”

He rolled his eyes and shifted around in his chair. “About as good as your support for others.”

“Then why am I the only one worried about Priscilla?”

There was a heavy silence again. I grabbed my jacket that hung on the back of an empty chair. I marched outside, zipped up the coat and headed in the direction of the RV community. The sun had almost all but gone down, and my skin prickled at any moving shadow or sound that came up.

I made my way to the RV camp and slowly approached it. People gathered around where there was a brightly lit fire and a delicious smell that wafted from it. I hung by a tree, waited to see Darren or Priscilla, but neither showed up.

It didn’t matter. I slyly joined in the commune anyway by sidling up to different members, trying to blend in. Darren entered and he nodded in my direction as he passed by. His thin, small frame was wrapped in a terry cloth robe, which he wore grandly.

“Welcome, my child,” he said. He reached out and grazed my cheek with his hand.

Once he was settled in a lawn chair decorated with sheets and toilet paper, his followers brought out a feast on trays and plates put on a long picnic table covered with a sheet. We stood around the table and waited for Darren’s blessing, which was just a hand gesture. His fingers fluttered and lowered, and everyone immediately sat and began to eat. We ate everything I loved in this world, except I wasn’t allowed to eat any meat. Every time my hand hovered over a meatball or burger patty, one of his followers slapped my hand away, so instead I went for the mashed potatoes, the dinner rolls, the pitchers of watered down cherry Kool-Aid. It was insulting, but I didn’t want to seem rude, so I just stayed away from it. The group sang stupid songs I hated when I heard them on the radio, but I sang along too, enjoying the feel of community for the first time. When that was over, I got to use the showers to clean up. After the sun came up, I crept back to the house and crawled into bed as if I didn’t know anything. The next day I snuck out again before anyone was up and made my way to the camp.

I was about to cross the threshold into the site when something grabbed my arm and jerked me backward. Startled, I lost my footing and fell directly onto the ground. I whipped my head around as a hand covered my mouth. Panicked now I went to scream when I realized it was Bruce.

“What are you doing?” he demanded.

I reared back. “What, are you following me now?”

“I’ve thought about it,” he said. “We need to be more understanding of other people’s needs. Like mine.”

I wrestled out of his mouth grasp. “I could ask you the same thing!” I hissed.

He let go of me and let me get to my feet.

“I got suspicious,” he said. “Thought you and Priscilla were going to hog Darren Warren for yourself.”

I brushed leaves and dirt off of me. “Trust me,” I said. “That sounds like an awesome and logical plan and something we would totally do.”