Robert Asprin - Class Dis-Mythed

Two of them managed to get the Manticore partway out of the gate before the whirlwind collapsed. The Manticore dropped to the ground, his fur in knots. He shook himself mightily, then checked to see that his container was all right. It was. The Manticore roared angrily. With a look that presaged revenge, he started to crawl back into the center of town.

The people of Humulus scattered widely as soon as the tornado had faded. I was relieved to have them out of my way. If he was angry before, the Manticore was out of his mind with fury now. He plunged his free hand through the nearest shop window and came out with an entire table, which he used to beat down the rest of the street lamps within reach. Without the whirlwind, Bee and Tolk strained to push the Manticore towards the gate. They were losing the contest. I had to get the rest of the apprentices engaged on the task.

I reached for a force line, any force line. Unfortunately, Jinetta had been right: the local lines were depleted by the Manticore's lightning spell.

"Ladies, I'm going to need your help right now" I said.

"But we haven't finished studying the Manticore yet!" Jinetta complained.

"You haven't really studied this one at all," I pointed out. "You're only reading books about the species. Put the crystal ball away. What can you see about this one that will help us get it out of town? Use those analytical minds Pervects are so proud of."

"Uhhh" The three girls fixed their gaze on the beast.

"He's very angry," Freezia said.

"That's not interfering with his effectiveness," I said. "Believe me. But, stop and think about it: why do you think he's been here five days?"

"He's lost?" Jinetta suggested.

"Look at the jar in his arm," I said. "He's doing everything he can to keep us from hitting it. When he runs into an obstruction, his first concern is for its safety."

"It's a baby!" Freezia squealed. "He's saving his baby!"

"Er, no," I said as the Manticore raised the container over his head and squeezed a long stream of green fluid into his maw. "I'd say that it's liquor. He's drunk."

"That's awful!" Pologne said. "Abusing alcohol to the point of incoherence! I've never heard of such a thing."

"And how does that help?" Melvine asked.

"Use your imagination," I snapped. I had wanted them to save the town by themselves, but they really didn't have a clue. Like it or not, I had to lead again. "He'll go where his jug does. Jinetta and Pologne, take over for Bee and Tolk. Bee, you're the best at orienteering. We passed a gum-gorse tree a few miles outside of town. Go and locate it for me. When you find it, stay on the road as close to it as you can."

"Yes, sir!" The ex-corporal took off running. I turned to the Pervects.

"Freezia, have you got a good retrieval spell?"

"It depends on what you want to use it for," the petite Pervect said, matching my businesslike tone. "Is the object animal, vegetable or mineral? Is it bigger than a breadbox, or small enough for angels to dance on its head?"

"It's that bottle!" I said, out of patience. "Get it out of his grasp and fly it out of here." The Manticore shot another bolt of lightning out of his bottom. "Now would be a good time."

"Oh, hurry, Freezy," Jinetta gasped. "That blast weakened my spell!"

"Well, I'll try!" Freezia said. "My goodness, he has a tight grip! I—I can't do both spells at once!"

"Neither can I!" Pologne wailed.

Shades of green were beginning to show through my apprentices' peaches-and-cream complexions. In a minute, the townsfolk were going to have three Pervects in their midst. Having been involved in riots with Aahz on Klah once before, I wanted to avoid the possibility. I threw what little power I had left into the disguise spells.

"You're under wraps," I said. "Keep trying to get that bottle!"

"I'll distract him! C'mon, Gleep! Hey, critter!" Tolk and my dragon galloped straight for the Manticore.

Surprised by the two creatures advancing on him, the Manticore stopped spraying the surrounding buildings with lightning. Tolk, looking very small beside the beast, started worrying at one of his big, shaggy feet. Gleep burned the other foot with his tiny spear of flame. The Manticore roared in surprise. His tail lanced down over his head. Yelping, Tolk dodged the spike. Gleep saw the whole thing as a game, and started jumping around, yodelling every time the raging Manticore missed him.

"Gleep! Gleep! Gleep!"

"Now!" I bellowed.

Freezia jerked at nothing with both hands. The round container lunged out of the Manticore's grip.

She pushed, and it sped out of the gate into the woods.

"Hey!" the beast roared. He dropped to all fours and began running after the jug.

"Buttercup, stay with Bunny!"

We started running after the Manticore.

Within a few hundred yards the mob had fallen behind. I was relieved. My magik was just about depleted. I let the disguise spells fall away. What power I had left might serve to light a candle, no more.

Freezia kept the bottle just out of the Manticore's grip, teasing him one way or another, but not letting him run faster than we could keep up. The beast never noticed us, being completely focused on getting the booze back. The young Pervect played him like a fish on a line, reeling in the jug then yanking it back out again.

"This road is so rough," Freezia gasped. "I'm afraid of losing control. Oh, I hate having no magik!"

"I can put the Cantrip on you," Tolk said. "I think I learned it well enough from Bee."

"Klahd magik!" Pologne snorted.

"I think that's a good idea," I said. "I'd take him up on it, if I were you."

"Oh, just as long as she doesn't start wearing tasteless clothes," the Pervect said, rolling her eyes.

It took a lot of concentration to cast an unfamiliar enchantment on the run, but Tolk did manage to bespell Bee's spell.

"Rrrrrrr!CANTRIP!"

We all felt the results. The Pervects may have been scornful of the magik and the magician, but it seemed that we were running on air, all the stones and ruts cleared out of our way.

"I'm proud of you, Tolk," I panted. "Good work!"

"Thanks, Skeeve!" Tolk barked, racing around us in a circle. "I did good. I did good. I did good."

"That's much better," Pologne said, reluctantly.

"I've got a flight coupon," Jinetta said, digging in her backpack as we ran. "I can zip ahead and see where Bee is."

"Oh, good idea!" Freezia praised her.

"Thank you!" she beamed. From her bag she fished out a slip of blue paper and blinked at it. "Nothing is happening! I know this ticket isn't outdated!"

"It's the strain on the force line," Pologne said. "It's nothing more than a thread! Those tickets need a lot of magik to work!"

"Oh, I hate this!" Jinetta said. "I feel so helpless!"

"You're not helpless," I said. "Not as long as you can think."

Fine words, I chided myself, as we chased a drunken Manticore five times our size down the road. I wondered if my students thought I sounded as supercilious as I felt.

A slight figure in the distance stepped out of the bushes and waved its hands over its head.

"There's Bee," I said. "Everybody get ready. Freezia, send the bottle after him."

I waved back to Bee, pointing into the woods. He beckoned to us and stepped off the road to the right.

The gum-gorse was one of the nastiest pieces of nature that it had ever been my misfortune to run into. Its fragrant, blue-green bark was said to be good to eat, but it was defended from predators by a thick layer of viscous goo and studded with long, red spines that not only hurt going into one's skin, but worse coming out because of their minute, backward-facing barbs. When I'd been an inept junior thief, I once tried to get away from someone I had robbed by climbing up into one. My victim had laughed at seeing me stuck there among the thorns, and left me, saying it was a harsher punishment than he had planned to give me. I had only been freed by a kindly passerby who knew the tree's secret.