Paula Guran - The Mammoth Book of Cthulhu

During your transfer between stations, you might find it practical to pack a small bag for your little ones to hold cards, paper, pencils, crayons, and sleep aids. A small suitcase can be useful to keep diapers and bibs for the baby as well as your own cosmetics for freshening up. Some families prefer to travel directly, while others make time to visit family or picturesque sites.

Of course, there are no picturesque sites anymore, but that doesn’t stop puny humans from dreaming of them.

Upon occasion your husband’s captain may host a “dining-out.” This is a formal dinner to which all officers and wives will be invited. All members of the wardroom are expected to attend. A written request to be excused may be submitted, but will not be approved. The captain traditionally serves as president of the dining-out. As a junior officer, your husband may be asked to serve as “vice.” The vice is in charge of sending invitations, overseeing the menu, sounding the dinner chimes, making the toasts, and arranging all sacrifices.

Your job is to support him as needed. If you have a steady hand, perhaps you can draw the seating chart that will be posted in the cocktail lounge. If your voice is clear and sweet, volunteer to sing the national anthem. If you are good at cleaning (and you should be!), you might ensure all flags and standards are free from any bloodstains from the last dining-out.

During the weeks prior to the dining-out you may find yourself working closely with the captain’s wife on matters of protocol. Pay close attention to her speech and actions, especially in private. You may be asked later to recall conversations or facial expressions. Your close observations may be handsomely rewarded.

Your husband’s uniform must be immaculate for the dining-out. Medals must be polished and appropriately placed, and his white sword-knot tight and carefully draped. Wives should wear long dinner gowns with tasteful jewelry. Women’s gloves are optional. During the dinner, refrain from smoking. After dessert is cleared and the wine glasses refilled, the president will authorize the smoking lamp to be lit. The president will also light the guest of honor’s cigar.

The first toast will always be to Cthulhu, our Commander in Chief. Each officer must stand with raised glass. Remember not to drain your glass until the last toast, which is traditionally bottoms-up. Do not ask what liquid you have been served.

During the bloodletting, remain attentively in your seat. The captain’s wife excused herself last time, setting a poor example for others and bringing her to our cold attention.

A standard naming convention applies to ships of the fleet. Destroyers and frigates are named after deceased academics and scholars, such as Angell , Webb , and Pabodie . Cruisers are named for cities and towns, such as Dunwich, Pawtuxet , and Salem . Aircraft carriers are named for famous individuals including Wilbur Whateley, Barnabus Marsh, and Charles Dexter Ward . Spaceships are named for the Old Ones whose names you cannot pronounce. Submarines honor the Deep Ones, who extend their slimy, webbed hands in an invitation to breed with them.

At most stations, there are wives’ clubs for the spouses of enlisted men, Chief Petty Officers, and commissioned officers. These clubs offer a ready-made social group and greatly contribute to the civic health of the community. You may also find clubs for squadron wives, Supply Corps wives, medical staff wives, and wives who are Prisoners of War/Missing in Action. Membership is always open except for the POW/MIA Club. That group is special invitation only.

Although there is no rank among wives, a junior officer’s wife should always show courteous deference to older women and senior officers’ wives. When you are in doubt about etiquette or procedure, a senior officer’s wife will offer sage advice. After all, they had to learn these hard lessons, too, at one time.

While your husband is away, you will find the support of these wives invaluable. They can share helpful tips about the traditionally male domains of paying bills, repairing appliances, and disciplining children. Your leisure time is important, too! Recreational activities you can partake in through your local club include bridge, mah-jongg, gardening, antiques, chorus, and gourmet cooking. Hobby groups will be plentiful for crochet, knitting, macramé, embroidery, and ceramics.

You might even find classes for watercolor or oil painting. Remember those dreams you once had of being an artist? In high school you painted a ballerina’s feet en pointe , her satiny slippers pale pink on the canvas. The painting is long gone but sometimes surfaces in your restless dreams. You run and run through the dark halls of a dead museum, frantic with dread as you search for the girl who painted it.

You mentioned that dream last week to the captain’s wife. You’d both drunk an extra glass of wine at a Hail and Farewell function at the officer’s club. You were standing on the back deck sharing an illicit cigarette while the cold wind whipped against you and the oily waves crashed on the pilings underneath. You don’t like tobacco, but you liked the upsweep of her blond hair and the sly look in her dark blue eyes.

“I have the same nightmare every night,” she said, lifting her wine glass to the steel-colored sky. “I’m stuck in a city under the sea, and there’s no more sun anywhere.”

You laughed, although there’s nothing funny about the truth. If your life had been very different, you might have reached out to touch her smooth face. You might have been tempted to kiss her red lips. She might have kissed you back, filling that void inside that your husband has never been able to satisfy.

But you didn’t touch and you didn’t kiss. Instead, she fixed her gaze on you for a long moment and then turned toward the gray horizon. She said, “Sometimes I dream of changing things.”

Inside the club, music and conversation and too many bodies made the air thick. Standing with her, you felt like you could think more clearly. You felt a glimmer of something that might have even been hope. But that was just the wine, and in the morning you made a telephone call.

We do not actually consider ourselves gods, but it may be useful for you to regard us as such.

Certainly our age, wisdom, and power far outmatch any of the frail system of idols and myths that mankind has invented for itself. We rule the stars. We transcend time. We are more than capable of delivering the “miracles” you ascribe to your religious saviors, but we don’t perform on command. We grant life and death on the basis of our own whims and reasons, and only some of us are swayed by silly prayers or slaughtered innocents. Do not make the mistake of believing that in our ancient genes we carry any traits resembling compassion or pity.

The military supports the free exercise of religion, no matter how feeble it may be. Here in R’lyeh under the waves you may attend Protestant, Catholic, Jewish, Muslim, and Buddhist services. As a guest at a meal or special event, you may be called on to participate in a simple religious observance such as a blessing. If asked to pray while in a home of a differing religious affiliation, be sincere with your own favorite grace or stay respectfully silent.

The base chaplain is available to all service members regardless of faith. You may call upon him with questions or concerns, and in many cases your conversations will be kept confidential. The chaplain’s aide is a young woman named Petty Officer Windstern. Females in the military service are rare these days, but they serve with the same patriotism, enthusiasm, and devotion as their male counterparts. They are accorded the same respect as their peers, more or less.