Jon Athan - Am I Beautiful?

Adam couldn’t stop crying long enough to respond, but Miki was right about everything. His heart was broken, sending waves of unbearable pain through his chest. The throbbing pain in his head restarted his thoughts every other second— What have… Did I… Why did… Ry Ry… Amber… I’m sorry . Miki’s lips turned down in a frown of unhappiness as she thought about her past. She glanced at Riley upon catching a whiff of her, then she looked at Amber. The senseless murders didn’t disturb her. There was no regret in her eyes.

She said, “When I met you at that bar, I thought you were a player. And you know what? I was okay with that. Honestly, if sex was all you wanted, I wouldn’t have… pursued you. I like sex, too, you know? I know it’s hard for some people to believe, maybe you think it’s ‘slutty’ or something like that, but women love sex, too. I would have been fine with it, with a… a one-night stand. That’s what you call them here, right? I’ve been through it before. But it was different with you. You treated me… like a princess. You made me believe everything you said that night. You made sure I felt loved. You didn’t even run out after we finished. You took a shower and came back to bed with me. How did you expect me to feel? Hmm? Of course it hurt me when you started running from me. You made me feel loved and then you just… you changed, Adam.”

Adam hyperventilated while staring at his daughter. His skin changed from red to pallid. He was barely conscious.

Miki leaned forward and shifted in her seat to face Adam. A piece of Riley’s big toe crumbled off as Miki’s knee hit the dead toddler’s cooked foot. Adam followed the piece as it spiraled down like a leaf in autumn, falling to a pile of charred flakes of human flesh on the floor.

Miki said, “I have to ask you something, Adam. Look at me. Hey, look at me, honey.” ‘Honey’ —Adam glared at her upon hearing that word. Miki smiled and said, “Yeah, just like that. Good boy, good boy . Now, tell me the truth, Adam. Am I beautiful?”

Adam stuttered, “You–You’re a–a mon–monster.”

“I know,” Miki responded before winking at him. “I have another question for you, Adam. How do you want this to end? Should I torture you? Make you feel what they felt? Or should I make it quick? Which one is better for you?”

“Ta–Ta–Torture me. Do it, you… you evil bitch.”

His voice broke with the last word from a combination of fear and agony. He was sincere, though. He wanted to be punished. He believed he deserved to be tortured.

Miki said, “I’ll torture you, but don’t expect to suffer like your wife or your lovely daughter. You won’t last as long as them. I won’t let you.”

“N–No. No . You… You ta–torture me, you cunt. Don’t… Don’t run now, you fucking coward. Couldn’t kill yourself, so you had to… to kill innocent people, huh? That doesn’t make you strong. It makes you a bitch . Don’t be scared now. Torture me. Do it! ”

Miki stood from her seat and said, “Oh no, honey. It’s not because I’m scared. I don’t get scared anymore. I’m the monster, remember? I do the scaring. It’s because I don’t want to give you what you want.”

“Wha–What? No, you… you have to–to torture me,” Adam cried. “Please, you have to. I–I deserve it.”

Miki took the shears out of her coat pocket and said, “You don’t deserve… ‘redemption.’ You deserve to die guilty… and in the worst pain—physical and emotional—of your pathetic life.”

“Please, please, ple—”

Miki grabbed the head of his penis and pulled it away from his crotch. With one snip of her shears, she cut it off while trimming some of his pubic hair. Blood squirted out from the stump sticking out from his crotch. He gasped and flinched. He felt a sharp pain, then a numb sensation. Eyes wide, he looked down at himself, then at the penis in Miki’s hand, and then back at his lap. He screamed while Miki laughed at him.

“Adam,” she said as she walked back to the sofa. “Look over here. Look .”

Adam didn’t understand her words, but her voice caught his attention, so he looked her way—and he wished he hadn’t. Miki stood in front of the sofa, rubbing Adam’s severed penis on Riley’s crispy face.

“ God! ” Adam bellowed.

Miki shoved the penis into Riley’s mouth. She pushed it until it entered her throat.

“You remember what you asked me when we were at that hotel that first night?” she asked. “When I was sucking your dick, you said: ‘You like daddy’s cock, don’t you?’ Well, I think Ry Ry loves daddy’s cock. What do you think, Adam?”

“God, kill me! Kill me!”

Miki laughed, then she said, “Perfect.”

“Kill me! Just kill—”

Miki grabbed his scrotum and pulled it out from between his legs. She cut into the sac from above. Through the wide wound, she could see his pink testes. She snipped the spermatic cords. More blood sprayed out from the severed blood vessels than anywhere else on his crotch. Then she cut through the surrounding veins until she disconnected every link. In less than a minute, despite all of Adam’s shaking and screaming, she successfully pulled his testicles out of his scrotum.

As she strode back to the sofa, Miki said, “One for your wife.” She shoved one of the testicles into Amber’s mouth. Walking past Riley, she said, “And one for you… you , Adam.”

Adam didn’t hear her over his screaming. Miki grabbed the back of his head in one hand and shoved the testicle into his mouth with the other. His upper teeth cut it open. The tubules inside it shot out along with some blood. He gagged before the ruptured testicle slid into his throat. A lump protruded from his neck, pushing his Adam’s apple a centimeter forward. He swung his head every which way while trying to breathe.

Only a crackling sound came out of his mouth and a snort from his nose.

Miki put her hands on his cheeks, looked him in the eye, and said, “I loved you. I really loved you with all of my heart. It didn’t have to be this way. I hope you know that. Goodbye, Adam.”

She smiled as she examined the expression of pain— unadulterated agony —on his face. She kissed his forehead, then she walked away. She exited through the front door, making sure to close it behind her. She took a deep breath on the porch. She was expecting an army of police or a couple of nosy neighbors, but there was no one out there.

“Goodbye, Adam,” she repeated.

She wandered away from the house, dancing in the rain and skipping down the center of the city’s empty streets. She vanished in the shadows, her gleeful laughter echoing through the darkness. Revenge gave her something forgiveness couldn’t: Satisfaction . Adam was left to suffocate on his testicle, surrounded by his slaughtered family.

Miki packed her belongings in a suitcase. It wasn’t much more than a few sets of clothes and some personal care supplies. She had been renting an apartment in Silver Lake, a neighborhood near Central Los Angeles. She stayed in the United States thanks to a student visa. She was supposed to be studying English, but she was already proficient.

After packing, she dumped her shears in a sewage drain and then took a taxi to Calabasas. At Calabasas, she called another taxi and traveled to Oxnard. And in Oxnard, she caught a coach bus to Las Vegas. It was an eight-hour trip. Three days before attacking the Miller family, Miki booked a flight from the McCarran International Airport in Las Vegas to the Tokyo International Airport in Japan.