Jon Athan - Am I Beautiful?

Miki grabbed some wads of toilet paper and placed them in the grooves between the tiles to stop the rivers of blood from flowing into the other stall. Meanwhile, next door, the teenager wiped herself. Miki stabbed Alexa’s lower abdomen five times with the shears. Only grunting and gurgling sounds came out of Alexa’s mouth.

She passed out after the fifth stab. Her face and arms continued twitching. She had slipped into a dreamless void of darkness—practically dead—but her body still reacted to the pain.

While the teenager gathered her belongings in the other stall, Miki stabbed Alexa’s stomach ten more times. Although some of the wounds didn’t bleed much, blood erupted from two cuts under her ribs, shooting two feet into the air. She wondered if she had penetrated her stomach and spleen or if she reached her kidneys

Alexa died with the eighth stab.

The teenager washed her hands for ten seconds, then checked herself out in the mirror for five minutes. She didn’t hear a thing over her music.

Miki used that time to slice Alexa’s cheeks open with the shears. Then she propped the girl up on the toilet, blood dripping from her fingertips. Her left hand looked like it was barely attached to her arm by some cracked bones.

The door hinges squeaked again, announcing the teenager’s departure.

Miki exited the stall. She cleaned her shears at the sink, then she washed her bloodied gloves thoroughly with hot water and soap. She wasn’t bothered by the footsteps outside of the restroom. They grew louder and then faded away as she scrubbed the blood off her boots with a wet paper towel. She was emboldened by the murders, apathetic and audacious.

After cleaning herself up, she took a tube of lipstick out of her purse. She used the red lipstick to write a message on the mirror, then she exited the restroom while humming cheerily.

Scrawled in capital letters, the message read: AM I BEAUTIFUL?

Adam sat at the end of the dining table, index and middle fingers hooked around his coffee mug’s handle. An expression of shell-shock—pure fear and awe and devastation —was written on his face, as if he believed the fresh sausage on his plate were made from the human flesh of his loved ones. He lifted his gaze to the other end of the table.

He saw Riley sitting on her highchair and Amber sitting next to her, helping their daughter guide the oatmeal and strawberry slices to her mouth. He didn’t hear a sound from them. Despite everything going on in the world, they looked happy. But, for the first time since she was born, Riley couldn’t bring a smile to her father’s face with her innocence.

Amber asked, “You okay, hun?” Adam stared at her lips, as if he were trying to read them instead of listening to the words coming out of her mouth. Raising her voice but maintaining her bubbly tone, Amber said, “ Adam , are you okay? You haven’t touched your food. Is it bad? Too much salt? Not enough?”

Adam heard her that time. He gave her a nod before looking down at his plate. He stabbed his scrambled eggs with a fork, but he didn’t eat it.

“Adam?” Amber said with a hint of concern in her voice.

“I’m fine,” Adam responded.

“You want me to cook you something else? Some oatmeal? We still have plenty of strawberries.”

Riley tried to imitate her mother. Speaking in baby talk, she blurted out, “ Shthawbewwy! ”

Amber and Riley giggled together. Their happiness would have cleared Adam’s mind and relieved his stress on a normal day, but ‘normal’ was an idea of the past.

Nothing was the same, and it was never going to be the same again.

He sneered and scratched his scruffy beard. He hadn’t shaved in weeks and he had hardly showered. He was out of motivation. It was like his will to succeed—to survive—had been siphoned from his body.

“So?” Amber asked.

“Huh?”

“You want me to cook you something else?”

“Oh. No. No, it’s fine.”

Adam took a bite of his eggs, then he took a sip of his coffee. He smiled at Amber, but she could tell he was forcing it. His fake happiness made her uncomfortable.

As she helped Riley get another slice of a strawberry into her mouth, Amber asked, “What’s your plan today?”

Her words struck Adam with enough force to slap the fake smile off his face. He drew a sharp breath before slurping some more of his coffee. Then he clenched his teeth and shrugged. Los Angeles had entered a strict lockdown with a shelter-at-home order. Nonessential businesses were advised to close. He had already been out of work for weeks, staying at home to watch the savings in his bank account decrease every day. Along with Dallas and other desperate residents, he was waiting for some support from the government.

Amber said, “Well, if you’re not busy, maybe you can watch a movie with me and Riley.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Amber smiled and said, “It means… maybe you can watch a movie with us if you have time. What did you think I meant?”

“I’m not sure. It’s just… It sounded ‘sarcastic,’ I guess. Like, what did you expect me to be doing today? Working? Going to the gym? Meeting friends for dinner or drinks? ”

“You know I didn’t mean it like that.”

“So, then… then what were you expecting me to say? You asked about my ‘plan’ today, right? What kind of stupid question is that?”

“Jesus, Adam,” Amber muttered before rolling her eyes and sighing in frustration. “ Enough . Just drop it.”

Adam said, “What? What is it? Now you don’t want to talk about it? Hmm?” He laughed without smiling, then he said, “Come on, humor me. What did you think I was ‘planning’ for today?”

In a soft tone, Amber said, “It’s okay, sweetie. Daddy’s just a little frustrated. You and me, we’re going to play—”

Adam slammed his fist on the table and yelled, “Talk to me! Not her!”

There was a moment of silence. Amber glared at her husband with a furious expression that said: What the hell do you think you’re doing? After a few seconds, Riley’s face crumpled like paper and she started crying. Adam’s nose and eyelids twitched. He watched as Amber took Riley out of her chair to coddle her. He sank back into his seat and covered his mouth with his hand, breathing deeply through his nose to calm himself.

He had lost his temper, but he couldn’t stay angry. Guilt replaced the anger. Amber was right after all. He was lashing out because he was frustrated, and he didn’t know how to stop himself from imploding.

He stood up and said, “I’m sorry. I was just—”

“Don’t ever do something like that in front of Riley again,” Amber interrupted. Although Riley continued bawling, her voice was loud enough for Adam to catch her serious tone. She said, “I know you’re angry at the world, but we don’t deserve this.”

“I know, I know. I’m just… I’m…”

‘ I’m scared. ’ He held his breath to suffocate that phrase. He still couldn’t admit it to his wife. His face reddened and a web of veins spread across his forehead. He let out a long sigh while listening to his daughter’s whining. Amber had already managed to calm her by whispering candied words into her ears and bouncing her gently in her arms.

Adam said, “I’m just… worried. We’re losing money every day. And even if this… this… this bullshit magically ended tomorrow, it’s going to cost us money to restart everything. We can’t just flip a switch on and off, and on and off… and on… and off.”

With Riley sniveling into her chest, Amber said, “I know it’s scary. I’m worried, too, but there’s nothing we can do about it right now. And I told you, I’ll start working from home next month. I got the gig, Adam.”