Lisa Smith - The Struggle

After class she caught a scrap of Sue Carson’s conversation. “… he’s on vacation from college—I forget exactly where…”

Elena had had enough of discreet silence. She spun around and spoke directly to Sue and the girl Sue was talking to, bursting uninvited into their discussion.

“If I were you,” she said to Sue, “I would keep away from Damon. I mean that.”

There was startled, embarrassed laughter. Sue was one of the few people at school who hadn’t shunned Elena, and now she was looking as if she wished she had.

“You mean,” said the other girl hesitantly, “because he’s yours, too? Or—”

Elena’s own laughter was harsh. “I mean because he’s dangerous ,” she said. “And I’m not joking.”

They just looked at her. Elena saved them the further embarrassment of having to reply or to get tactfully away by turning on her heel and leaving. She collected Bonnie from Alaric’s cluster of after-school groupies and headed for Meredith’s locker.

“Where are we going? I thought we were going to talk to Caroline.”

“Not anymore,” Elena said. “Wait until we get home. Then I’ll tell you why.”

“I can’t believe it,” said Bonnie an hour later. “I mean, I believe it, but I can’t believe it. Not even of Caroline.”

“It’s Tyler,” Elena said. “He’s the one with the big plans. So much for men not being interested in diaries.”

“Actually, we should thank him,” said Meredith. “Because of him at least we have until Founders’ Day to do something about it. Why did you say it was supposed to be on Founders’ Day, Elena?”

“Tyler has something against the Fells.”

“But they’re all dead,” said Bonnie.

“Well, that doesn’t seem to matter to Tyler. I remember him talking about it in the graveyard, too, when we were looking at their tomb. He thinks they stole his ancestors’ rightful place as the town’s founders or something.”

“Elena,” Meredith said seriously, “is there anything else in the diary that could hurt Stefan? Besides the thing about the old man, I mean.”

“Isn’t that enough?” With those steady, dark eyes on her, Elena felt discomfort flutter between her ribs. What was Meredith asking?

“Enough to get Stefan run out of town like they said,” agreed Bonnie.

“Enough that we have to get the diary back from Caroline,” Elena said. “The only question is, how?”

“Caroline said she had it hidden somewhere safe. That probably means her house.” Meredith chewed her lip thoughtfully. “She’s got just the one brother in eighth grade, right? And her mom doesn’t work, but she goes shopping in Roanoke a lot. Do they still have a maid?”

“Why?” said Bonnie. “What difference does it make?”

“Well, we don’t want anybody walking in while we’re burglarizing the house.”

“While we’re what ?” Bonnie’s voice rose to a squeak. “You can’t be serious!”

“What are we supposed to do, just sit back and wait until Founders’ Day, and let her read Elena’s diary in front of the town? She stole it from your house. We’ve just got to steal it back,” Meredith said, maddeningly calm.

“We’ll get caught. We’ll get expelled from school—if we don’t end up going to jail.” Bonnie turned to Elena in appeal. “Tell her, Elena.”

“Well…” In all honesty, the prospect made Elena herself a little queasy. It wasn’t so much the idea of expulsion, or even jail, as just the thought of being caught in the act. Mrs. Forbes’s haughty face floated before her eyes, full of righteous indignation. Then it changed to Caroline’s, laughing spitefully as her mother pointed an accusing finger right at Elena.

Besides, it seemed such a… a violation , to go into someone’s house when they were not there, to search their possessions. She would hate it if someone did that to her.

But, of course, someone had. Caroline had violated Bonnie’s house, and right now had Elena’s most private possession in her hands.

“Let’s do it,” Elena said quietly. “But let’s be careful.”

“Can’t we talk about this?” said Bonnie weakly, looking from Meredith’s determined face to Elena’s.

“There’s nothing to talk about. You’re coming,” Meredith told her. “You promised,” she added, as Bonnie took a breath to object afresh. And she held up her index finger.

“The blood oath was only to help Elena get Stefan!” Bonnie cried.

“Think again,” said Meredith. “You swore you would do whatever Elena asked in relation to Stefan. There wasn’t anything about a time limit or about ’only until Elena gets him.’ ”

Bonnie’s mouth dropped open. She looked at Elena, who was almost laughing in spite of herself. “It’s true,” Elena said solemnly. “And you said it yourself: ’Swearing with blood means you have to stick to your oath no matter what happens.’ ”

Bonnie shut her mouth and thrust her chin out. “Right,” she said grimly. “Now I’m stuck for the rest of my life doing whatever Elena wants me to do about Stefan. Wonderful.”

“This is the last thing I’ll ever ask,” Elena said. “And I promise that. I swear—”

“Don’t!” said Meredith, suddenly serious. “Don’t, Elena. You might be sorry later.”

“Now you’re taking up prophecy, too?” Elena said. And then she asked, “So how are we going to get hold of Caroline’s house key for an hour or so?”

November 9, Saturday Dear Diary ,

I’m sorry it’s been so long. Lately I’ve been too busy or too depressed — or both — to write you .

Besides, with everything that’s happened I’m almost afraid to keep a diary at all anymore. But I need someone to turn to, because right now there’s not a single human being, not a single person on earth, that I’m not keeping something from .

Bonnie and Meredith can’t know the truth about Stefan. Stefan can’t know the truth about Damon. Aunt Judith can’t know about anything. Bonnie and Meredith know about Caroline and the diary; Stefan doesn’t . Stefan knows about the vervain I use every day now, Bonnie and Meredith don’t. Even though I’ve given both of them sachets full of the stuff. One good thing: it seems to work, or at least I haven’t been sleepwalking again since that night. But it would be a lie to say I haven’t been dreaming about Damon. He’s in all my nightmares .

My life is full of lies right now, and I need someone to be completely honest with. I’m going to hide this diary under the loose floorboard in the closet, so that no one will find it even if I drop dead and they clean out my room. Maybe one of Margaret’s grandchildren will be playing in there someday, and will pry up the board and pull it out, but until then, nobody. This diary is my last secret .

I don’t know why I’m thinking about death and dying. That’s Bonnie’s craze; she’s the one who thinks it would be so romantic. I know what it’s really like; there was nothing romantic about it when Mom and Dad died. Just the worst feelings in the world. I want to live for a good long time, marry Stefan, and be happy. And there’s no reason why I can’t, once all these problems are behind us .

Except that there are times when I get scared and I don’t believe that. And there are little things that shouldn’t matter, but they bother me. Like why Stefan still wears Catherine’s ring around his neck, even though I know he loves me. Like why he’s never said he loves me, even though I know it’s true .

It doesn’t matter. Everything will work out. It has to work out. And then we’ll be together and be happy. There’s no reason why we can’t. There’s no reason why we can’t. There’s no reason