Lisa Smith - The Struggle

He swayed backward with the force of her impact, and she could feel his surprise. She wasn’t usually so demonstrative in public.

“Hey,” he said, returning the hug gently. “Me, too, but don’t crush the flowers.”

“Flowers?” She pulled back to look at what he was carrying; then, she looked at his face. Then at Matt, who was emerging from the other side of the car. Stefan’s face was pale and drawn; Matt’s was puffy with tiredness, with bloodshot eyes.

“You’d better come inside,” she said at last, bewildered. “You both look awful.”

“It’s vervain,” said Stefan, some time later. He and Elena were sitting at the kitchen table. Through the open doorway, Matt could be seen stretched out on the family room sofa, snoring gently. He’d flopped there after eating three bowls of cereal. Aunt Judith, Bonnie, and Margaret were still upstairs asleep, but Stefan kept his voice low just the same. “You remember what I told you about it?” he said.

“You said it helps keep your mind clear even when someone is using Power to influence it.” Elena was proud of how steady her voice was.

“Right. And that’s one of the things Damon might try. He can use the power of his mind even from a distance, and he can do it whether you’re awake or asleep.”

Tears filled Elena’s eyes, and she looked down to hide them, gazing at the long slender stems with the dried remains of tiny lilac flowers at the very tips. “Asleep?” she said, afraid that this time her voice was not as steady.

“Yes. He could influence you to come out of the house, say, or to let him in. But the vervain should prevent that.” Stefan sounded tired, but satisfied with himself.

Oh, Stefan, if you only knew, Elena thought. The gift had come one night too late. In spite of all her efforts, a tear fell, dripping onto the long green leaves.

“Elena!” He sounded startled. “What is it? Tell me.”

He was trying to look into her face, but she bowed her head, pressing it into his shoulder. He put his arms around her, not trying to force her up again. “Tell me,” he repeated softly.

This was the moment. If she was ever going to tell him, it should be now. Her throat felt burned and swollen, and she wanted to let all the words inside pour out.

But she couldn’t. No matter what, I won’t let them fight over me, she thought.

“It’s just that—I was worried about you,” she managed. “I didn’t know where you’d gone, or when you were coming back.”

“I should have told you. But that’s all? There’s nothing else upsetting you?”

“That’s all.” Now she would have to swear Bonnie to secrecy about the crow. Why did one lie always lead to another? “What should we do with the vervain?” she asked, sitting back.

“I’ll show you tonight. Once I’ve extracted the oil from the seeds, you can rub it into your skin or add it to a bath. And you can make the dried leaves into a sachet and carry it with you or put it under your pillow at night.”

“I’d better give them to Bonnie and Meredith, too. They’ll need protection.”

He nodded. “For now—” He broke off a sprig and placed it in her hand. “—just take this to school with you. I’m going back to the boarding house to extract the oil.” He paused a moment and then spoke. “Elena…”

“Yes?”

“If I thought it would do you any good, I’d leave. I wouldn’t expose you to Damon. But I don’t think he’d follow me if I went, not any more. I think he might stay—because of you.”

“Don’t even think about leaving,” she said fiercely, looking up at him. “Stefan, that’s the one thing I couldn’t stand. Promise you won’t; promise me.”

“I won’t leave you alone with him,” Stefan said, which was not quite the same thing. But there was no point in pushing him further.

Instead, she helped him wake up Matt, and saw them both off. Then, with a stem of dried vervain in her hand, she went upstairs to get ready for school.

Bonnie yawned all the way through breakfast, and she didn’t really wake up until they were outside, walking to school with a brisk breeze in their faces. It was going to be a cold day.

“I had a very weird dream last night,” Bonnie said.

Elena’s heart jumped. She’d already tucked a sprig of vervain into Bonnie’s backpack, down at the bottom, where Bonnie wouldn’t see it. But if Damon had gotten to Bonnie last night…

“What about?” she said, bracing herself.

“About you. I saw you standing under a tree and the wind was blowing. For some reason, I was afraid of you, and I didn’t want to go any closer. You looked… different. Very pale but almost glowing. And then a crow flew down from the tree, and you reached out and grabbed it in midair. You were so fast it was unbelievable. And then you looked over at me, with this expression. You were smiling, but it made me want to run. And then you twisted the crow’s neck, and it was dead.”

Elena had listened to this with growing horror. Now she said, “That’s a disgusting dream.”

“It is, isn’t it?” said Bonnie composedly. “I wonder what it means? Crows are birds of ill omen in the legends. They can foretell a death.”

“It probably meant that you knew how upset I was, finding that crow in the room.”

“Yes,” Bonnie said. “Except for one thing. I had this dream before you woke us all up screaming.”

That day at lunchtime there was another piece of violet paper on the office bulletin board. This one, though, read simply: LOOK IN PERSONALS .

“What personals?” said Bonnie.

Meredith, walking up at that moment with a copy of the Wildcat Weekly , the school newspaper, provided the answer. “Have you seen this?” she said.

It was in the personals section, completely anonymous, with neither salutation nor signature. I can’t bear the thought of losing him. But he’s so very unhappy about something, and if he won’t tell me what it is, if he won’t trust me that much, I don’t see any hope for us .

Reading it, Elena felt a burst of new energy through her tiredness. Oh, God, she hated whoever was doing this. She imagined shooting them, stabbing them, watching them fall. And then, vividly, she imagined something else. Yanking back a fistful of the thief’s hair and sinking her teeth into an unprotected throat. It was a strange, unsettling vision, but for a moment it almost seemed real.

She became aware that Bonnie and Meredith were looking at her.

“Well?” she said, feeling slightly uncomfortable.

“I could tell you weren’t listening,” sighed Bonnie. “I just said it still doesn’t look like Da—like the killer’s work to me. It doesn’t seem like a murderer would be so petty.”

“Much as I hate to agree with her, she’s right,” Meredith said. “This smells like someone sneaky. Someone who has a grudge against you personally and who really wants to make you suffer.”

Saliva had collected in Elena’s mouth, and she swallowed. “Also somebody who’s familiar with the school. They had to fill out a form for a personals message in one of the journalism classes,” she said.

“And somebody who knew you kept a diary, assuming they stole it on purpose. Maybe they were in one of your classes that day you took it to school. Remember? When Mr. Tanner almost caught you,” Bonnie added.

“Ms. Halpern did catch me; she even read some of it aloud, a bit about Stefan. That was right after Stefan and I got together. Wait a minute, Bonnie. That night at your house when the diary was stolen, how long were you two out of the living room?”

“Just a few minutes. Yangtze had stopped barking, and I went to the door to let him in, and…” Bonnie pressed her lips together and shrugged.