Charlie Huston - Every Last Drop

Breathing. Shuffle of bare feet. Claw scratching steel. Steel grating on steel as the lock-bar is unlatched and the door swung open by the sentry outside.

In the starlight that filters in, Menace sweeps his machete in an arc, waving me ahead of him.

I get off the floor and walk toward the door, waiting for the bite of the machete blade in my back, the rake of claws on my neck.

But they don't come.

Yet.

Put your money on something happening down by the water. That's where I'd do it. So much easier to get rid of a body when there's some water at hand.

Wedged into an angle created by the Kosciuszko Bridge, Fifty-sixth Road, and

the Newtown and Maspeth Creeks is a fish-shaped bit of land. The tail occupied by yet another warehouse. The body of the fish an open plain of concrete and asphalt, broken by empty foundations, corpses of abandoned refrigerators with the doors still on, swamp grasses pushing through the pavement, and a glittering sheen of broken glass that seems to pebble the whole surface in nearly even perfection.

Menace walks on the glass, leading us toward the water. -I cannot say for certain, but I think this was once the home of Cord Meyers Animal Carbon Plant.

I kick at some of the glass, rearranging the huge, senseless mosaic. -What the hell was that?

He shakes his head.

— I am not certain. But I believe this is where it was. Whatever it was. I simply like the name. It sounds ominous. Like much of the industry that found a home here after the American Revolution.

He points with his machete at a truck yard over Fifty-sixth. -Cating Rope Works.

Indicates a warehouse up the water. -Fisk Metal Casket Company.

Another industrial mass. -Alden Sampson Oil Factory.

Another. -And Peter Cooper's Glue Factory.

He lowers the machete. -No need to wonder where the sinister quality in that name comes from.

A damp, stinking breeze blows off the water. -Yeah, sure. Boiling horses. Dreadful.

He stands at least a head shorter than me, looks up, shakes his free hand, rattling bones.

— Esperanza said you had trouble with Lament. -I did.

— She said you cut a deal with him to get away. -I cut a deal.

The machete flickers through the air, cutting the tops from a thick tuft of grass shoved up through a crack in the concrete. -Not something to recommend a person, having cut a deal with Lament.

I look at the distant lights of Manhattan, wonder if Maspeth is where III finally die. -Yeah, he seems to have a great fondness for you too.

He balances the machete. -He mentioned me?

— Yeah. Seemed a favorite topic. I was to judge, I'd say he goes to bed mumbling your name, and then dreams about nailing your head above his door.

He smiles, moves the tip of his tongue from pointed tooth to pointed tooth, realizes what he's doing and closes his mouth. -Yes. I am certain he does.

He looks north toward the Bronx.

— And considering the roll he played in educating me, I do not imagine it is any coincidence that I have similar visions regarding his own head.

I spit in the oily water we walk along. -He has one of those heads people think about cutting off. -Yes. He does.

He rests the flat of the machete blade on his shoulder. -When he took me off the street, I thought it was the greatest piece of luck. I

was finally going to be part of a crew. Make some money. Other kids, they would join crews. Soon after they would be showing up at school in fresh K-Swiss, And1. Hilfiger jeans. Burberry caps. Soon, the ones who lasted would have cars. Leased Escalades and Mercedes. Tricked-out Nissans.

He frowns.

— I wanted to be in a crew. Everyone I knew wanted to be in a crew. That was how you got things. Kicks. Clothes. Wheels. Respect.

His frown deepens. -All the things a boy desires. That is a skill of Lament's.

He catches his lower lip between the points of two teeth. -To know what young people desire.

His teeth draw a bead of blood from his own flesh.

— After I was infected by one of the older boys, I felt less as if I had been lied to, and more as if I were being invited deeper inside something special. Of course.

He wipes the drop of blood away with the back of his wrist. -By then Lament had taken my name, christened me Menace. A process of physical starvation had begun, soon followed by a more intense deprivation when he withheld blood. And physical abuse. And emotional abuse. The

easiest thing, the thing most of us did, was to surrender. After all.

He drops the blade of the machete from his shoulder and angles it to catch a bit of the sliver-moon.

— Once you have been told that you are worthless, and treated as if you are worthless, put in a place where you are all set against one another in a contest for one person's approval, approval that is never consistent in how it is rewarded, it is the easiest thing in the world to succumb to that conditioning and believe yourself to be worthless.

He brings the blade up, touches it to his own forehead, like a warrior knighting himself. -But I am not worthless.

He lowers the blade.

— He had me cleaning. Digging out the piles of papers and magazines he had accumulated.

He shakes his head.

— I have no idea why the word caught my eye. I do not believe in destiny. For whatever reason, I saw it, and I needed to read about it. And so I did. I do not even remember the magazine. National Geographic? Time? It does not matter.

He inhales, exhales a word.

— Mungiki.

He nods.

— Kikuyu farmers. They banded together in defense squads against Nairobi government forces during a land dispute. The government was dominated by the Kalenjin tribe. Enemies of the Kikuyu. The Mungiki prevailed. And thrived. They moved into the cities, the slums. Provided protection, brought down crime rates. They did this through violence.

He nods again.

— Beheadings. Amputations. Vicious beatings. Torture. And they became a source of terror. Blood drinkers. Madmen. Savages so brutal, neither the police nor the military would go into their slums.

I look at the long flat span of empty cement around us, the other Mungiki scattered about. I look at the water. Water's the way out. Whether I have to jump in it, or that's where they dump my body, it looks like that's where I'm going.

He stops nodding. -They inspired me.

He shakes his head. -Not that I knew anything about the Kikuyu. Not that I did, or do, have any

care about the Kalenjin. I was simply inspired that these put-upon people, outnumbered, the lowest, rose. Made of themselves something to be reckoned with. Regardless of their methods. They made me realize that I could fight back. I could leave. So I did.

He shrugs.

— Physical security is not a concern of Laments. He relies on his personality to keep his captives with him. Until he is ready to send them on their way. Escaping was relatively easy. But freedom. That was most difficult. I had already seen the uses of fear in my own conditioning.

He tinks a claw against a bone that dangles from his wrist. -So. I set out to make myself fearful.

He indicated the black leather vest worn open over his bare chest, the combat fatigues cut off at the knees. The outfit his crew sports as well. -I designed a uniform for myself and the friends I convinced to join me. And we did things. Engaged in acts modeled on the Mungiki. Are they still afraid of us in the Bronx?

I flick ash. -They are.

He points north.

— And we are not even there.

He lowers his arm.

— It is strange. That causing fear in others can help produce freedom. But it is also true. It clears a path before one. Creates space, a perimeter within which one can operate with abandon. I am not saying that it is true freedom. But it is a start. And it has given us the space and time to become more dangerous.