Charles Stross - The Merchant’s War

BEGIN TRANSCRIPT:

"Good evening, your grace!"

"Indeed it is, indeed it is, Eorl Riordan. A lovely evening. And how are you?"

"I am well, sir. As well as can be expected."

"For a fellow who is well, your lace is uncommonly glum. Here, sit down. A glass of the Cabernet, perhaps?"

"Thank you, sir. What can I do for you?"

"Hmm, direct and to the point. Let me ask you a leading question, then. You may answer as indiscreetly as you care-it will go no farther than this room. How do you rate our performance?"

"Tactical or strategic? Or logistic and economic?"

"Whichever you deem most important. I want to know, in confidence, what you think we're doing wrong and what you think we're doing right."

"Doing right?' (Brief laughter.) "Nothing."

"That's- " (Pause.) "-a provocative statement. Would you elaborate?"

"Yes. your grace. May I start with a summary?"

"Be my guest."

"We are engaged in a war on two fronts. I shall ignore the first hostility for now, and concentrate on the second, because that's the one you assigned me to deal with. Hostilities started when the former crown prince usurped the throne. It is evident from the speed and nature of his actions that he had been planning to do so for some time, and that he had already assured himself of the support of a sufficiently broad base of the nobility, before he moved, to have some hope of success. However, his move may well have been reactive-a response to the imminent marriage of his younger brother. So to start with, we are fighting an opponent who has studied his enemies and who has prepared extensively for this conflict, but whose execution was rushed."

"Hmm. How do you evaluate his preparations?"

"They were confoundedly good, your grace. His

control over the royal Life Guards, for one thing-that was a nasty surprise. His ability to install explosives in the palace-his possession of them-speaks of a level of planning that has given me sleepless nights. The Pervert may be many things but he isn't stupid. Despite his well-known antipathy for our number, he has studied us closely. It is impossible to now ask his grand-dame how much lore she may have passed on to him, but we should take it as read that when he refers to us as 'witches' he knows exactly what we are capable of. For example, rather than holding Niejwein and the castles surrounding it, he immediately departed for the field, where I am told he sleeps among his troops, never in the same tent twice. Sir, he clearly knows how the civil war was fought: he knows exactly what tactics we would first think to use against an enemy noble, and his defenses arc as good as anything we could muster for one of our own."

"You've considered the usual routes, I take it? An assassination team from the other side?"

"Yes, your grace. It would be suicidal. For one thing, as I said, he sleeps among his men, in the field, always moving-for another, he has body doubles. We have identified at least two of them on different occasions, and they're good actors: there is a good chance we would be striking at a puppet rather than their master. Finally, he has bodyguards. And I fear we have been too liberal with our gifts over the past decades: either that, or they've captured some hedge-lord's private cabinet of arms, because I have confirmation that his Majesty's hand-men carry MP-5s."

(Pause.) "All right, so the Pervert's a hard target. Now. The strategic picture?"

"Certainly, your grace. The enemy has divided his forces into battalion strength raiding units. They're in the field and they're hurting us. It's a-this is embarrassing- a classic insurgency. The royal battalions fall on our outlying villages, hit them hard, massacre and destroy everything they can get their hands on, then disappear into the forest again. It's absolutely not how you'd expect an eastern monarch to tight, it's downright dishonorable- but it's how the Pervert is fighting. He's serious, sir, he's trying to force us to divide our strength. And he's succeeded. We've had to move as many dependents as possible over to the other side, and keep couriers on standby everywhere. And even that's not enough. We've used helicopters to rush armed detachments into position on the other side a couple of times, and it worked on that bastard Lemke-he won't be burning any more villages- but the more we do it, the greater the risk that the Americans will notice. He's got us on the defensive, and each time he hits us we either lose a village or we lose men we can't afford to-and he gains honor. This week I've lost eleven dead and fourteen injured badly enough they won't be fighting again for months. That's not including the outer family members, dependents, servants, peasants and the like. I think we've accounted for a good couple of hundred of the foe, but they're not stupid: usually the first warning of an attack we have is when a cannon ball conies through a manor house door. There's a limit to what a lance with M-16s and a SAW can do against a battalion of dragoons and a cavalry squadron- some of whom have docks."

"Ah, yes. I thought you'd bring that up. Be glad you don't have to explain it to the council, Eorl Riordan. They know it's wrong, but they still can't help but petition for protection, which is why three quarters of our number are guarding strategic hamlets or sitting in helicopter hangars on the other side. It's what we exist for, and we're being nibbled to death by mice. What would you do, were you in charge?"

"I'd set out a mouse trap, your grace. We can't afford to suffer the death of a thousand cuts-Clan Security has, what? Two hundred inner family? Nearly a thousand armed and trained retainers? And up to six hundred world-walkers to call in for the corvee, if we need logistic support. The usurper outnumbers us five to one, but we've got SAWs and two-way radio while they're limited to roundshot, grapeshot, and horseback couriers. Wc should be able to massacre those raiding parties, if we can just once anticipate not only their next target, but their path of advance."

"Hmm. Suppose I were to tell you exactly where the enemy is planning to mass for a major strike, next Tuesday. Not just one of their battalions, but three of them, a goodly chunk of the royal army. Would that enable you to prepare a suitable reception for him?"

"Would- your grace! Please say it's true!"

(Pause.) "The source is... troubling. I would not completely discount all risk of it being a deliberate leak, intended to lure us into a trap. Still. Be that as it may, I am informed-by one who stands to profit from that information-that there is a high probability of an attack on Castle Hjorth within the next two weeks. Which strikes me as suicidal, given the location and defenses of the castle, so I advise you to bear in mind the possibility that even if my source is telling the truth, they are not telling us everything. But, having said that, I want you to work out what we're going to do about it. Because if it is true, my informer tells me that the Pervert himself will lead the attack. And this might be our best opportunity to kill him and end the war."

As it happened, Mike didn't get to go home that day-or the next. "You live on your own in a second-floor apartment, and you've got a lovely spiral fracture plus soft tissue injuries and a damaged Achilles tendon, Mr. Fleming. Listen, I'll happily sign you out-if you fill in a criminal negligence waiver for me, first. But I really think it's a bad idea right now. Maybe tomorrow, when we've got you a nice fiberglass box and a set of crutches, after we set you up with an appointment with physio. But if you check out today, you'll wish you hadn't."

The time passed slowly, with the inane babble of daytime TV as a laugh track, interrupted occasionally by nursing orderlies and interns checking up on him. Smith hadn't left him any reading matter, classified or otherwise, and he was close to climbing the walls by the morning of the second day after Smith's visit, when he had a surprise visitor: Judith Herz, the FBI agent who'd been sucked into Family Trade at the same time at Mike.