Lachlan Walter - The Rain Never Came

‘Bill…’

I cut her off. ‘Everyone who stays will die.’

‘Bill!’ She looked at me hard. Tears cut shining paths down her cheeks.

‘What?’

‘I’m not staying, either. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry…’

‘Don’t.’

There are only two real ways of giving up. I knew Louise was smart enough to choose the less drastic option.

‘The camp’s the only choice I’ve got,’ she said.

Everything I had left fell away.

I reached for her. We held each other tight. I didn’t speak, neither did she. I felt her silent sobs in the heaving of her chest, felt the wet of her tears on my skin, and I cried with her.

I didn’t want it to end like this. How could she give in to them?

I was torn. I couldn’t follow her, not after everything they had done. Never. I held her tighter, breathed her in. She did the same. We wept. We both knew that our minds were made up; we were too stubborn, too alike. That made everything worse, left us wailing.

A muted cough broke our embrace.

‘I’m sorry,’ Tobe said, his voice soft, ‘but we’ve got to go.’

I looked at him. Louise didn’t.

‘I’m sorry. I’ll, uh, leave you both alone for a minute.’

He turned away and walked back outside. Red and Blue’s barks beat down the morning quiet; the roar of the transport smothered its limp body.

‘Bill?’

I looked at Louise. She had dried her eyes, managed a smile. I wiped my tears on my sleeve. She reluctantly let me go. It couldn’t be happening…

‘Good luck.’

I couldn’t speak, didn’t know what to say. And then her eyes twinkled in a so-familiar way.

‘Time for a last kiss?’

My answer was automatic. ‘Of course. But only as long as you don’t say goodbye.’

She wrinkled her face in a question.

‘Make it “catch you later” or “see you around” or some shit. Goodbye’s a bit heavy, don’t you reckon?’

‘Shut up and kiss me, dickhead.’

And so I did.

Hand in hand, we walked out into the sunshine; we had missed dawn. I squinted, the bright light blinding. Silently, Louise and I approached the transport. Tobe was already in the cabin, tactfully averting his eyes. Louise and I hugged a last time. I didn’t want to let her go; she playfully pushed me away.

‘Go on,’ she said.

Wishing it didn’t have to be like this, I threw open the passenger door and climbed inside. Ruby sat in the middle seat, pressed hard up against Tobe. It was hot in the cabin, the air thick and soupy.

‘Good girl,’ Louise said, leaning through the open window, ruffling Ruby’s hair. There was nothing patronising in her voice, no sarcasm or condescension. Ruby smiled shyly.

I looked at Louise, tried to put on the bravest of faces. ‘Well…’

Tobe looked away as Louise and I kissed a last time. Ruby stared at us, seemingly unembarrassed. Red and Blue barked from over the back. The engine hummed. For a moment, time stopped.

Louise broke away and stepped back. She looked at Tobe. She looked at Ruby. She didn’t look at me.

‘Good luck,’ she said, addressing Tobe.

‘Same to you. Take it easy out there, all right?’

‘You bet.’

‘See you round, then.’

‘I’m sorry,’ Louise said, finally looking at me.

I mouthed the words: ‘Me too.’

Tobe shifted the transport into gear and revved the engine. I started to cry. So did Louise, but that didn’t stop her from walking away.

And then we were off, heading west once again.

The town disappeared behind us, the ramshackle buildings giving way to empty paddocks. No one spoke; for that I was grateful. I blinked, and another piece of home was gone forever. I barely cared—it was nothing compared to what I had just lost.

The empty Loddon River and the ruined bridge appeared before us. I closed my eyes. I couldn’t take it anymore.

The transport swung left, the road quickly growing rough. I felt Ruby grab my knee, figured that she was doing the same to Tobe’s. The shriek of branches scraping at the transport told me that we had left the road and started bush-bashing. I kept my eyes closed. At some point, the shrieking stopped and the transport pitched forward. I braced myself on the dashboard, my eyes flicking open. Ruby was suffering in silence; Tobe was trying to wrestle the transport down into the riverbed.

So much for the ford…

Tobe cursed again and again as we bounced around like bugs in a jar: fuck-fuck-fuck-fuck-fuck.

He managed to right the transport; we started climbing the far riverbank, fighting hard to crest the peak, the wheels gripping hard, the engine snarling. The engine suddenly screamed and then we were free, coasting across an empty paddock, going from struggling to strutting in seconds.

Tobe laughed.

Ahead, I could make out an old highway. An insignificant ribbon dwarfed by featureless paddocks of bleached-yellow grass, sad and alone without even a wreck for company. I reached forward, grasping for a possum skin of bush tobacco. Ruby pushed something into my hand. I opened my palm, found a misshapen smoke. When I stuck it between my lips, it threatened to unravel. She passed another to Tobe, then tried to get his lighter working.

‘Cheers,’ I said.

She didn’t answer, still struggling with the lighter. I took it from her, lit up and watched the world pass by, deep in a melancholy funk. One of the dogs started barking, I couldn’t tell which.

‘Shut it, Blue,’ Tobe yelled.

Blue whined pathetically. Ruby smiled sympathetically. Tobe matched her smile and went all in.

‘Go on, then.’

She slithered through the hatch connecting the cabin to the back, crashing to the floor. She didn’t cry out. Tobe let her be. We cruised along a while in silence, before turning onto the old highway.

‘That’s more like it,’ Tobe said, pushing the engine harder.

My loss still sat heavily in my heart. I tried hard to squash it down—I had to stay sharp now that we had left the safety of town behind.

‘So, what’s the plan?’ I asked in a desperate attempt to think about something other than my sadness.

Tobe didn’t even blink. ‘We head south, try for the bay, maybe even for the cape. They still get a bit of rain down there, and there’s plenty of forest, too. We wouldn’t be short for food and cover.’

I was dubious; it was a really long way. But I didn’t argue. In for a penny and all that…

‘No worries.’

Tobe smiled. We kept going. Burnt paddocks hugged the highway, bordered by fences of rusting barbed wire, weathered posts, and crumbling rocks. A cool breeze blew through the cabin, keeping some of the heat at bay. If I hadn’t been so down, I would have thought it a beautiful day for a drive.

‘Grab the map,’ Tobe said. ‘Let’s figure out a way through the hills.’

Happy for the distraction, I rifled through the junk covering the dashboard. I found a stack of maps, held each up in turn, pulled out the right one after much searching.

‘Right, if you take a butcher’s you’ll see that I jotted down some notes.’

The brittle paper threatened to crumble to dust in my lap. Strange symbols had been drawn in, cutting roads in two or blotting out entire towns.

‘What’s this?’

Tobe stole a glance. ‘The doodles that look like trees, they’re trees that are blocking roads. The doodles that look like cars, they’re cars. Those big smears, well… Do I have to go on?’

I couldn’t see anything that looked like a tree or a car. Art was never Tobe’s thing.

We crossed the barren land, the transport easily coping with the rough surface of the old highway. My spirits slowly lifted. Before too long, Tobe and I were lost in the joy of a meandering drive, looking at the world with little-boy eyes. Once or twice, Ruby laughed loudly, happily playing with the dogs. Each time, Tobe and I grinned stupidly.