Russell Hoban - Riddley Walker

Easyer said, “With Eusa.”

Rightway Flinter clincht his fis only he dint tern roun nor say nothing. He noddit to Erny and me.

Erny come over to the fit up he said, “Wel whos coming up to show then?”

It seamt like I had too much breaf in me I musve ben holding it. I had to breave out a littl befor Punch cud say any

thing. Then he said, “ Ah putcha putcha putcha. Ah putcha putcha way. ” He dint come up he jus stayd down and said that.

Erny said, “Whos that talking is that Mr Salty from Salt Town or who is it?”

Punch said, “ Thats me Im Old Man Salty from Salt Town which Ive got the stick to prove it. ”

Erny said, “Salt aint sticky.”

Punch said, “ May be Im honey then whynt you lick my stick and fynd out? ”

Erny said, “This aint that kynd of a show. Wud you tel me Mr Salty whatd you mean with all that putcha putcha putcha?”

Punch said, “ I aint Mr Salty realy that aint my name. ”

Erny said, “Whats your name then?”

Punch comes up then hes swanking hes zanting a bout hes waving his stick. Soons he comes in site you cud hear some breaf took in sharp you cud hear a littl sylents then Easyers voyce come strong he said, “That figgers crookit.” Funny. Them bloaks on the gate when we 1st come to Weaping they hadnt said nothing. Wel stranger hevvyswl do that some times. Jus not give you no word nor syn what ever. This crowd tho they wer giving words a nuff and syns in plenny. A womans voyce said, “You know theres women here and carrying.” Which there come some shuffling and that musve ben them carrying women carrying ther selfs out.

Easyer ups his voice agen he says, “If that aint sucking in your Luck I dont know what is. Bringing a crookit show like that in to your hoam form.”

Rightway Flinter he says, “You know Easyer theres moren 1 kynd of crookit. Theres crookit on the out side and theres crookit on the in side. Which Im beginning to think may be this here humpy figger is some kynd of a nindicater.” He says, “Walker & Orfing you carry on with this here show.”

Erny says to Punch, “Wel Mr Salty if your name aint Salty what is it then?”

Punch says, “ Come closer and Iwl tel you what it rimes with. ”

Erny comes closer and Punch gives him a smart whack with his stick. Whack! Erny jumps a way he says, “Ow! Youve give me a whack.”

Punch says, “ Thats right thats what I rime with. ”

Erny says, “O I see your names Jack then.”

Punch says, “ No stupid my names Punch. ”

Erny says, “Wel whack dont rime with Punch.”

Punch says, “ Thats becaws you jumpt a way too soon. Come close agen. ”

Erny comes close and qwick Punch gives him a woal lot of whacks. Punch says, “ Now Ive give you a bunch hows that for riming. ”

Erny says, “Wel I think Ive had a nuff of riming Mr Punch. I wunner wud you please be good a nuff and tel me what that putcha putcha means?”

Punch says, “ You mean that putcha putcha putcha? ”

Erny says, “Thats it.”

Punch says, “ You mean that putcha putcha way? ”

Erny says, “Thats it thats the same and very. Whats it mean?”

Punch says, “ Putcha self closer and Iwl tel you. ”

Erny puts his self closer. Punch whacks him on the ear with his stick. Whack! Erny says, “Ow! Thats 1 mor whack youve give me. What wer that 1 for?”

Punch says, “ Thats what putcha way means. If you putcha close Iwl whack you but if you putcha way I cant. ”

Erny says, “Wel Mr Punch Im thanking you for that lessing and that lerning only that aint what I putcha my self here for.”

Punch says, “ Why did you putcha self here then? Why did you putcha putcha putcha? ”

Erny says, “I wer hoaping for a look at Pooty. Jus a littl glimpo you know.”

Punch says, “ No I dont know. You dont nead no look nor you dont nead no glimpo you can see her by her pongo. All you nead to do is breave deap and youwl get the woal picter of Pooty right a nuff. Youwl see the 3s and the Ds of her so sharp youwl think you can grab a hanful. ”

Erny says, “Stil and all Iwd like to how dyou do her.”

Punch says, “ You what? ”

Erny says, “Iwd like to how dyou do her.”

Punch says, “ O youre a clynt then? ”

Erny says, “Which Iwd like to be a frend.”

Punch says, “ O wunt we all tho wunt we jus. Pooty she dont have no frends tho. She dont give no 1 sumfing for nuffing. ”

Pooty comes up then with the pig babby she gives it to Punch she says, “Whats this then if it aint some thing for nuffing?”

Punch says, “ Nuffing! You calling my part nuffing? ”

Pooty says, “You said it I dint.”

Punch terns to the crowd he says, “ Now you see why Ive got the hump. ”

Pooty says, “This aint no time for humping Im frying now.”

Punch takes a littl tase of Pooty he says, “ You aint done yet. ”

Pooty says, “I know that wel a nuff thats why Im going down to get on with it now wil you mynd the babby?”

Punch says, “ Not a bit. Mmmmm. Yum yum yum. ”

Pooty says, “Whyd you say ‘Yum yum yum’?”

Punch says, “ I wer jus clearing my froat. ”

Pooty says, “For what?”

Punch says, “ So I can sing to the babby. ”

Pooty says, “What kynd of song you going to sing?”

Punch says, “ Yummy py. ”

Pooty says, “Whatd you say?”

Punch says, “ Lulling by. Iwl sing the babby lulling bys. ”

Pooty terns to the crowd she says, “Wud you please keap a eye on him wylst Im frying my swossages. Give us a shout wil you if he dont mynd that babby right.”

Theres plenny of voyces in the crowd then speaking up theyre saying, “Dont you worry Pooty wewl keap a eye on him.” Easyers voyce says, “Wewl see your babby right Pooty that littl crookit barset he bes not try nothing here.”

Punch he dont anser nothing to that. When Pooty goes down hes zanting a littl with the babby its a littl jerky kynd of dants. Hes singing:

Which when they hear that some of the crowd begin to yel, “Pooty! Pooty! Come up qwick!”

Punch he terns on them he says, “ What kynd of peopl are you as wont let a father sing to his oan littl chyld? ”

Pooty shes up then she says to the crowd, “Whats he ben doing then has he droppt the babby or any thing like that?”

Some 1 says, “Hewl do wersen that you bes take that babby a way from him.”

Pooty says to Punch, “Now you wont let no harm come to him wil you. Our oan sweet littl babby.”

Punch says, “ Harm is where the hert is. ”

Pooty says, “Wel there you are who wud have the hart to hert a babby.”

Punch says, “ Hart is where the wud is. ”

Pooty says, “What wood wud that be?”

Punch says, “ Its all ways the same wud innit. That 1 jus over there. Wewl do a littl walky walky there. ”

Pooty says, “Thats it a littl walky walky wil do the babby good. I wont be a minim Iwl jus get on with that frying.”

Pootys down agen and Punch hes got the loan of the babby. He puts the babby down he backs off a littl way he hols out his arms he says, “ Walky walky. ”

That littl pig babby it goes slyding tords him like its on a string. Punch hes smyling tho his wood joars they cant realy open can they. He says, “ O wot a good babby! ” He puts the babby back where it startit from he says, “ Walky walky. ”