S. Welles - To Ocean's End

My ship was still on course so I took out my charts that covered the northern Australian coast, more specifically the place I’d sank another boat long ago. God, I’d been so stupid then.

I called ocean water to me with a thought. I sensed two bands rise up on both sides of my boat and snake their way to the wheelhouse. I wrapped the windows on all four sides in shimmering water like drawing a curtain across a window. The room darkened and it looked like I was sitting inside a submerged craft. The subdued lighting matched my mood. I waved a hand and images appeared in the windows like a movie that surrounded me. A silent one. However, my memories added the sound of crashing waves, roaring wind, crew yelling at me to hurry up and jump—all of it. I put my elbows on the counter, rested my chin on folded hands, and watched my fateful night replay itself.

Australia’s Timor Sea churned with thirty-plus swells topped with whitecaps getting blown away by hurricane winds. I’d knowingly sailed right into the storm. I hadn’t fully grown out of my “I’m invincible” mentality back then. In addition to wind and waves, there was ample lightning to top off the scene. Cliché or not, those were the conditions necessary to sink the first cargo ship I ever piloted. Too many waves swiping the surface in too many directions for me to handle.

The sea took all five of my crew members right before my eyes that night. The memory scene zoomed right into the moment where a wave flipped the emergency inflatable craft before I could join them. I’d made sure I was the last one to board, like any good captain would. Instead, during one wave, five hands were beckoning me to jump on. The next wave, I was looking at an empty churning ocean while the hundred-footer rapidly sank. I stopped trying to catch my balance and just stared at the roiling emptiness. Five good men gone just like that. To this day I’d rather have gone with them, curse or not. They’d been good friends.

My memory self jumped into the sea before the ship’s nose could disappear under the surface. I had no floatation device or survival suit; just the clothes on my back and one bad temper sparked by the sudden sucker-punch loss. I was determined to die with my crew and friends.

“Come on, you damn ocean! You took my boat and my whole crew! You missed one!” Lightning struck the bow. I flinched but felt nothing. “You missed again! What’s the matter? Can’t bring yourself to kill me out of pity?” Waves thrashed me but I kept finding my way to the surface and spitting out sea water. “I’m still here, you bastard!”

The ocean in front of me rounded like a bubble was rising, but instead of bursting, the water kept rising, taking my angry ass with it. The water dome grew into a column, which then morphed into more humanistic features. I found myself lying on a giant hand, which held me up to a woman’s face that was bigger than my whole body. She had dark eyes like voids, eyes as big as me if I curled into fetal position. I rolled off the hand, but a huge rope of water caught me midair. It brought me face-to-face with who I now knew as Amphitrite.

Figuring I had nothing to lose but my life, which had just lost all value, I hid my fear of whatever had found me. I put on a mask of rage and defiance. Dumbest thing I ever did. “Go away! I’m busy dying here.”

“I know,” Amphitrite said in a huge, sensuous voice. “I heard. I’m not at all pleased with your lack of gratitude.” The rope of water twisted me about, holding me at varying angles so the lady could get a good look. I flailed and yelled at her to let me go, but my efforts were as effective as swimming against a riptide. “I saved your life, then you dive right in and taunt me to kill you? Not pleased at all.”

“I didn’t ask you to save my life! Now put me down and let me die.”

She raised an eyebrow. “Is that how you really feel?”

“No, I feel like playing poker with kangaroos!”

The giant lady frowned. “I go out of my way to preserve your life, yet you’re so adamant about throwing it away. I’m deeply hurt.”

“I don’t care.” Why had she bothered saving me and not them? To this day I didn’t know the answer to that. Why me? Why only me and not them too?

“You should care. You cut me deeper with every word. Dyne Lavere, I curse you so that you may one day learn from your folly.” She raised a giant hand and blew me a kiss. And when she blew, so did the storm. I went flying. No clue how far, but far enough to black out when I hit the water.

Someone knocked on the wheelhouse door.

I let go of the curtain of water. Sunlight shined back in and I could see out again. My stomach churned at being caught brooding. Sam was standing outside the door, protectively holding a plate away as water splashed onto the steps. He looked at me with one eye, his face serious. I got up and let him in.

“Why you brooding, Captain?” Haven’t seen you do that in years.”

Even though I was older than him—far older—Sam was a father-figure to me. He just had that fatherliness to him, the kind you could trust to admit your mistakes and flaws to. He’d never judge; just help you become a better man. Outliving him was going to really hurt. “I’m tired of dealing with my curse, Sam.” I returned to my chair and dropped in it. “We humans aren’t mentally equipped to live as long as I have. I’m reaching the end of my endurance.” Yes, I was showing weakness, but Sam was the only one I’d voluntarily show it to. And right now I really needed a shoulder to lean on.

“I hear ya.” He set a plate of toast with a six-inch pie of broccoli and mushroom quiche on top of my charts. “I hear ya. We all wish there was more we could do to help.”

“I know.”

“Mido made your favorite breakfast in hopes of lightening your mood.”

“Looks great.” I picked up a piece of toast. I’d eat the good stuff in solitude.

“Best to think and talk on a full stomach. And you’ll handle your curse for as long as you have to. I know you can and you will.”

“What if she never lifts it?”

Sam paused. “She will one day,” he said with conviction. “I know it in my old bones she will. Maybe not this year or the next, but one day for sure. Trust an old sea dog’s wisdom.”

I wanted to believe him but after all these decades, I couldn’t find it in myself to believe anymore. “Tell everyone to gather in the galley in half an hour. Jacobi and Jessie, too. Hopefully we won’t have to replace too many people in Morocco.”

“I doubt you’ll lose anyone. Ed and Ted are proving to be a loyal, dedicated pair. We’ll see what Jessie does. She’s grown attached to Mido. Dunno if it’s enough. And she also likes beating up the punching bag. Might wanna get her a pair of gloves that fit,” he added with a smile.

Great news, and the gloves would be no problem. Anything to increase my chances of keeping her around. “What about Jacobi?”

“You should ask Cancer or Jacobi himself. I’ve been busy in the cargo hold and such, so I haven’t seen much of him. What I do know is that he’s getting restless. He doesn’t like sitting still this long.”

“I don’t blame him.”

All twelve of us gathered in the galley shortly after I finished my favorite breakfast. The food improved my mood at little, even though I had a feeling the impending conversation would subdue everyone. My techies sat on the right with Cancer. My four cargo pushers sat on the left, Jacobi on the end so he could have his splinted leg elevated on a fold-up chair. Rammus sat on a stool next to Jacobi’s foot, and reclined against the table edge. O’Toole observed everyone from his post near the fridge, and Mido had an arm around Jessie’s waist. They stood on my right. I stood in the middle of the galley, hands in my trench coat pockets.