John O'Brien - Conspiracy

The funeral procession makes its way to our small cemetery — Allie’s final resting place. Seeing the markers and the hole dug for McCafferty, I hope we won’t have to place any others here prematurely. Our endeavors must be so that this place remains uninhabited except for when it’s our own proper time to leave. Although this world truly sucks, it’s the only one we have and we must endure.

As Allie is placed on a bier set over the open grave, the feeling of grief once again grabs hold of my heart. After all she’s been through, to find an end in this way just doesn’t seem right. I hear the echo of her ready laugh in my mind, a picture of her grinning at some joke made after an operation, her game face as we embark on yet another operation. Her small stature contained an overly large heart that held no fear. She hung in there during the grimmest moments. One picture emerges of her smiling at something said at dinner, her eyes shining with the same joy. She loved the camaraderie of the team and was loved by all in return. She will be sorely missed.

The others of our small group of survivors begin making their way to arranged seating. Allie’s dad is standing off to the side staring blankly at the flag-draped coffin. With his head hung low, Drescoll makes his way to a podium. I hear him sniffle and wipe away a tear.

“I really don’t know what to say,” he begins between sniffles. “Allie was a true angel…(sniffle)…who had the biggest…(sniffle)…of hearts.” Tears begin to stream down his face. He attempts to scrub at them, but they fall faster than he can wipe them away. “I’m sorry…(sniffle)…She’s going to be…(sniffle)…missed…”

I walk to him, placing my hand on his shoulder. “It’s okay, you grieve and I’ll talk. I just hope my words can give her the honor she deserves.”

Drescoll nods and walks to the casket, his back to the crowd and places his hand on the polished wooden surface. Before turning to the gathered crowd, I see his shoulder begin to shake with grief. Allie’s dad, also weeping, rises and joins Drescoll on the other side of the casket.

“Friends, we gather at a very sad time to give our final respects to one of our beloved. How do I even begin? How do we say goodbye to someone that we can’t believe is gone? How do we say farewell to one that was with us heart and soul?

“Allie was with us just a short time but impacted the lives of everyone she came in contact with. It was impossible to remain down when she was around. Her ready smile brightened the day, and she gave us strength when times were hard. Allie, you were taken from us too early and you will be grievously missed…”

I have tears in my own eyes by the time I finish. Seven rifles fire three times, each report sends a note that Allie is truly gone…that she will be with us no more. After the final shots echo into the distance, a solitary bugle plays Taps , the sound drifting forlornly over bowed heads. Soldiers rise and come to attention, saluting a fellow companion. The skies overhead threatening rain reflect the gloom and sadness we all feel. I can’t hear Taps without tears forming, and this time is no different. The hot tears streaming down my cheek are a direct contrast to the chill of the dying day.

The services end and everyone silently makes their way to our sanctuary. I watch them depart, thinking that, in this new world, it seems that for every gain, there is a corresponding loss. For Lynn’s return, we lost Allie. We can’t seem to get a leg up on things. That needs to change soon or we are in for trouble. If it’s not the night runners, it’s our own kind. As for the night runners, they seem to be advancing at every turn. Standing at the podium, with my pant legs whipping in the wind, I hope that we aren’t in for any further surprises. We can’t afford it from either a personnel or psychological standpoint.

I join Drescoll and Allie’s dad who maintain their silent vigil. I think to provide some consolation but I’m not any good at that. Still, I want to tell that I’m sorry and that I understand their pain. But what can you really say to anyone that has lost a loved one? There really isn’t anything that can alleviate the pain and sorrow.

I’m about to put my hand on Drescoll’s shoulder and hear him whisper, “Why did you have to leave, Allie? Why? I don’t want to be here without you…”

I back away. This is a time for him to grieve. As I turn to leave, I hear him say, “I will really miss you.” He leans down and kisses the casket.

He turns and we lock eyes. “I’m really sorry. I know there isn’t anything I can possibly say that will alleviate the pain and sorrow you’re feeling. I would love to tell you that time will heal the grief and somehow make it better. The truth is that time only makes it more bearable but, it does make it bearable. I’m not going to say that I understand what you are going through because I’m not you. But, just know that I’m here if you need…for anything,” I tell him.

Through his tears, he nods and makes his way toward Cabela’s. Allie’s dad runs his hand lovingly along the casket and departs as well. Red Team, Lynn, and I are the only ones left and we ease Allie into her final resting place.

Drescoll walks across the hard-packed ground. With his heart filled with the pain of grief, the chill of the evening is lost on him. He and Allie had only known each other a short time and were together for an even shorter one. That doesn’t change how he feels…the depth of his affections. Once they began talking, it just seemed natural and right for them to be together. Each time they had a chance to be alone with each other, life had more meaning and everything seemed so much brighter. He didn’t want those moments to ever end and, should time decide to have frozen then, he would consider himself fortunate.

Now, he is walking back to a place that seems darker. He has never been one for relationships and didn’t mind being by himself. Now he has never felt so alone. He knows Jack’s words were meant to help, but his thoughts are running in a confused jumble. In his heart, there is a small part remaining where he doesn’t doubt Jack’s sincerity and care for the people. It’s why he cautioned Jack in the first place not to place himself in danger all of the time — the group needs him. But, he constantly placed Allie in danger and this is the result. She took a bullet meant for him and Drescoll isn’t sure he can ever get over that.

He now understands Jack’s initial anger toward him over Nic’s death but, at this moment, he doesn’t know if he has the strength to forgive. Allie was his everything, his world, his reason to continue in this miserable hell, and now she’s gone — the light of his life snuffed out.

Walking back into the building, with the gray day fading to a darker shade signaling the coming of night, I notice more than a few women are beginning to show signs of being pregnant. Times of stress will bring people together. Seeing them, I’m reminded of the night runner female we encountered earlier in the day. The fact that she was pregnant brings a fear to the forefront — the night runners can breed. If the women in our group are any indication and the night runners are breeding in a similar manner, with their greater numbers, they will exponentially grow in relationship to us.

It’s been an emotionally-charged day and it’s hard to believe, with all that happened, that it’s still the same day. The day is ending on a sad note and, even though none of us are wanting to, we still need to meet. There is so much to discuss, and putting it off isn’t going to help.

Although there is a pall over the group, I can’t describe how good it is to see Lynn sitting amongst us once again. She is thinner, and there are definite circles of tiredness around her eyes, but she retains some energy. It’s likely due to her relief at being freed from the night runners. I can’t imagine the ordeal she must have gone through. I haven’t asked her about her experiences, but I’m sure she’ll share them later. It’s her story to tell when she feels ready to tell it and not for me to pull it out of her.