Ever Hayes - Emergency Exit

“That night, as I held her in my arms before she died, she told me she loved me and she hoped I’d always remember that, but she also begged me not to give up on Danny. She asked me to call him for her, but he didn’t pick up. I tried him nine times. He never answered. Her last words were, ‘Tell him I love him.’ But he didn’t want to hear that from me, and I was probably even a little resentful on my own. A zebra can’t change its stripes.” I stopped for a second to make sure that analogy worked.

“Danny and I pretty much went our separate ways the next three years. Danny moved in with Cameron, and then they took off for the Marines after high school. I buried Sophie at our cabin, six hours north of our home. I moved up there and pretty much became a hermit. It sucked to lose Danny like I did for the next few years, but I eventually realized I’d had it coming. It was my fault. I didn’t know if Danny would ever come back to me, but I absolutely knew Sophie had my whole heart. I sat by her headstone by the lake and talked to her every day. I kept no secrets from her. There was no one else but Sophie for me.” I stopped and took a deep breath. “Period.”

We watched below us as a pair of headlights approached Old Fall River Road from Estes Park and turned, heading towards the Endovalley troop camp. Nothing about it struck Tara or me as out of the ordinary. The vehicle was sliding all over, but the warm day had melted a great deal of the snow, and the road had iced over as the temperature dropped. We didn’t think anything more of it.

From where Danny was sitting, inside the ledge entry, he saw the vehicle too. He didn’t see its movement the same as we did, though. Something about it wasn’t quite right. It was driving too fast and swerving all over the place. Not sliding. That wasn’t because it was icy, or because the driver couldn’t see through the fog that had begun to thicken along the road. The driver was either drunk, injured or distracted by something else in the vehicle. In any case if he weren’t careful he’d be flipping into a ditch shortly. Danny wanted to follow it further, on the monitor in the main room, but he knew we still had no idea he was there. If he moved now, Tara would see him for sure and know he’d been there. He wasn’t sure he should give that away.

He’d needed to hear what I had just said. Hayley had told him as much, but it had never felt true. He didn’t believe Sophie and I had honestly made up—that we’d really loved each other in the end. Now, four years later, he finally heard it from me, and he believed it. As he watched us now, he suddenly had no resistance to me moving on. To someone other than Tara? Maybe. But he liked Tara. She was pretty cool. She’d had a pretty tough life. He thought we might be good for each other.

Hayley had been right. I felt like I needed Danny to tell me it was okay before I let myself move on. I wasn’t willing to risk losing him again. When the truck moved past our location, Danny knew he needed to stand, even if it caught our attention, and he did. I didn’t see him, but Tara did. I saw a strange look on her face and turned back towards the entrance to the cave. “What?” I asked.

“Nothing,” she said. “Just thinking.”

“Okay,” I responded, giving her a strange look back. “Care to expand?”

“Ryan.” She paused. “I can’t imagine what you’ve been through.” I was already shaking my head, but she finally caught my hand with her own. “Please. Let me.” I nodded, and she went on. “I don’t know that I’ve ever been in love. Not once.”

Was she saying she was now? My heart was pounding in my head again.

“I had boyfriends in high school and even dated a guy in college, but my life didn’t give me the time for a serious relationship. School was far more important to me. Then…” She took a deep breath.

I lifted her hand off mine and interlocked my fingers with hers. I knew what she was going to say, and she didn’t pull away or stop talking.

“Then, when I was raped, I wanted nothing to do with men. Ever. I thought about killing myself many, many times. One night I even walked out onto a bridge intent on going through with it. Something made me think about the life growing inside me, and I couldn’t follow through. I wanted to. I’ve never felt so worthless, but I honestly believe God stepped in.”

One more thing to be thankful for today.

“I called my dad from the bridge and told him what had happened. He flew down the next day and took me home. He and mom raised Emily like their own child, helping me all they could. I gave up on pursuing law and worked the farm, content to stay far away from people, especially men. I was embarrassed. I was hurt. I led a sheltered life for ten years, with no men—no relationships—and it was great. But I always wondered what it would be like to be cared for by someone other than my parents. Being a single mother, living with your parents, well, it’s a lonely life. I knew I wanted more. But where do you start? How in the world can you trust anyone after that happens to you?”

I didn’t know what to say. I couldn’t imagine what she’d been through, either. “Well,” I finally said. “I don’t know if this will help you or not, but when Sophie died, I never thought I’d care for anyone like her again. You don’t just replace your wife. I honestly hadn’t thought about anyone else since her until I met you in Medora and you were, well…” Great genius, now what are you going to say?

“I was what?” Tara asked.

Just be honest . “Hot!” I stated, almost embarrassed.

She muffled a laugh with her hand. “Ryan.”

“Sorry.” I smiled. “I probably could have come up with a better word.”

“Hot works just fine.” She smiled back.

“Okay.” I looked around to make sure no one else was there. “I don’t know how to explain it, but it was like all of a sudden I could see beauty again. I mean, come on, look at you.” She was trying not to laugh.

“What about me?” she asked, curious if I’d actually tell her.

I’d gone too far to turn back now. “Tara, you’re beautiful, in every imaginable way. Your body is—your face.” Your body is your face? “Look, I didn’t know your story. I figured you were way younger than me, and your ring said ‘married,’ but I don’t know. I couldn’t take my eyes off you.”

“I kind of noticed that,” she said with a grin. “Especially certain parts, eh?” She was trying not to laugh.

My face felt really hot now. She was clearly referencing where my eyes went every time she bent over, facing either direction. She was considerably more covered in Colorado, but I was still looking. My memory and imagination took care of the rest. “Great.” I shook my head, looking away. “I’m that obvious?”

“Well, girls notice those things.” Tara was obviously loving this. “I didn’t mind you checking me out. And your daughter kind of filled me in.”

Ah, of course . I looked away.

“And…” She turned my face back towards her with a gloved hand. “And I’ve done my fair share of looking too.” She let that sink in and then leaned her head against my shoulder, prompting my heart to double its already accelerated pace. Easy, boy .

“Ah,” was all I said. Brilliant . “Tara.”

“Yeah?” She was still smiling.

“I need you to understand something—and I don’t know how you’ll take it.”

She lifted her head up. “Okay.”

“Telling someone—anyone—I’m even remotely interested in them is a giant leap for me. I mean, I know this is big for both of us, I guess.”

She nodded.

“I guess I don’t know what is going through your heart or mind. Or if you’re only interested in me because, for all we know, I’m basically the last man on earth.” Boy did she have an incredible smile. “But given what I’ve been through, I’m not looking to ‘date’ anyone.” I watched her brow furrow as she tried to figure out what I was saying. “It’s kind of an all or nothing thing for me. I don’t mean to suggest I’m leaving Sophie behind, because she always will be in my heart, but if I do move on, I have to know you want me to move on. I have to know that you mean—”