Ever Hayes - Emergency Exit

“Your turn, Jenna,” Hayley perkily chimed in then, redirecting the conversation and the mood.

“Saved the best for last,” Cameron added, smiling at her.

“Hey now. I haven’t gone,” Danny interjected.

“We don’t want to hear you talk about your guns. Or how much you miss running miles and jumping out of airplanes,” Cameron teased him.

“How’d you know, man?” Danny shot back. “Idiot,” he mumbled.

“I’m thankful we could all sit here on Thanksgiving, in the middle of all this, and spend an hour talking about all the good things we still have,” Jenna jumped in.

“Amen,” Dad said.

“But I do miss swimming and running. Taking long walks. Sunshine. Those kinds of things.” That got a lot of agreement. “And I’m with Hayley. I miss music.”

“I’ve got some music for you,” Cameron jumped in.

“Cam,” Danny stood up. “I’m gonna shove my foot up your—”

“Danny,” Grandma Ollie spoke up, cutting him off. “Anything to add?”

Danny watched Cameron scramble safely away and shook his head in mock disgust. “I’m thankful we’ve been to Estes Park so many times,” he began. “Imagine if we had no idea where to go. If we’d just stayed in town even.” We nodded, knowing what that would have meant. “This makes it all a little easier.”

We were in total agreement there. “And I’m thankful for every single thing we managed to get up here, especially if they get us through the winter. I gotta say, that Batteries Plus store was a lifesaver.” More agreement.

“And what do you miss?” Emily asked.

“Oreos,” Danny said, laughing.

“Oh, good grief.” Hayley rolled her eyes, chucking the hacky sack at him now.

Yeah. This was a good idea .

“Happy Thanksgiving, everyone,” Mom said. Those sentiments echoed around the room.

Happy Thanksgiving, indeed!

We had a pretty good meal for Thanksgiving, and everyone spent most of the afternoon sleeping it off. It was a relatively warm day for the mountains, almost breaking forty degrees at one point, and the skies were crystal clear. We bundled up after dark and moved outside to the rock ledge above our back exit. The stars were out in force, with a meteor shower providing a natural fireworks display. Other than the hooting and hollering down in the valley at the enemy camp and an occasional lonely wolf howl, it was pretty still. Most of us stayed outside for a couple of hours, and then everyone eventually went back in except Tara and me.

We sat next to each other, not touching, but close, and looked up at the stars.

“Stunning night,” she whispered.

I nodded. “Yep.”

“Care to tell me what you’re thinking?” she asked.

“Mostly about you,” I admitted.

“Really?” She sounded genuinely surprised, although pleasantly so. I nodded again. “Want to expand on that?”

“You smell good,” I said, redirecting.

“Interesting.” She smiled. “I didn’t put anything on today. That’s just me.”

“Like I said.” Okay, good start .

“Seriously, Ryan…”

I didn’t say anything for a while, and she didn’t push. The shooting stars continued their show above us. I was nervous. My heart was pounding like mad. I knew this was the solitude we’d been waiting for, and I knew I was finally ready to have this conversation.

Still, I couldn’t help but smile as Tara fidgeted. I could tell she was failing at being as patient as she usually was. Finally I gave in. “Well.” I thought about how to say it. “I miss my wife—” I started and then cut myself off. “Sorry,” I corrected. “I miss Sophie.”

“Of course,” Tara replied. What was she supposed to say?

“I’ve never known anyone like her,” I began. Just go with it . “You’d have loved her.” Okay, choose your words better. “She had this way of making everyone feel special. She was so patient. So kind. So accepting of everyone. She deserved so much better than me.” Before Tara could object I held up my hand. (I had no idea at the time Danny was sitting inside the entrance listening to every word.) “Tara, I want to be honest with you, okay. I’m not trying to tear myself down so you’ll defend me. Trust me. I honestly don’t deserve defense on this.”

“Okay.” She nodded, unsure where I was going with this.

“We met my junior, her senior, year in high school. She was advanced placement in everything academic, and athletic for that matter—the kind of girl a guy like me never figures he’ll get. But she didn’t dig the jock type, and she had no desire to be around the drinking, party crowd. Anyway,” I said, jumping ahead. “She had her act together, and it didn’t take long for me to fall for her. We had a few classes together, and she helped me through them, always gave me all the time in the world. When she left for college, I figured we’d be done. I was sure, as beautiful as she was, she’d find some other guy and move on. When she didn’t, it said a lot to me. Either college guys were stupid, or she was every bit who she said she was. Maybe it was both.”

I paused. Here goes . “Anyway, the summer I graduated we spent most of it together. The night before she went back to college we spent the night together for the first time, and Danny was the result of that.” Move on quickly . “Again, I thought Sophie would panic. Everyone else sure did. But she didn’t. It never even crossed her mind to do anything other than raise that child with me.”

I looked at Tara to make sure she wasn’t bored. She was staring at me, definitely interested, so I continued. “Her parents refused to pay for a wedding under those circumstances so, in late April, we had a small ceremony in a courtroom and made it official. Sophie was fine with that, too. She just wanted to be with me. I was nineteen, Sophie was twenty, and Danny was born a few weeks after the wedding, on May 18. It was the greatest day of our life together, for sure.” I stopped to point out a huge meteor.

“Sophie stayed in school. I dropped out and Dad got me a job with a friend of his at an architecture company. I started taking night classes at the local community college. We got through that insanity somehow. Truthfully, the first two to three honeymoon years were great,” I continued. “She was an awesome mother, and Danny kept her busy. I eventually got my degree and started my own small architecture company. I poured my entire life into the startup stages…didn’t have time for anything else. I’d come home late every day, and she’d be tired. Too tired. I started to get on her for it. Little by little, more and more. I mean, she was washing the dishes, cleaning the house, doing the laundry, raising our child, cooking, everything—and I let all her distractions get to me. I was pretty selfish, and in response I kind of shut her down, closed her off from my life. I started spending the night at work and going out to a couple bars. It started with one or two drinks a few times a week and then became more regular. She would always ask me where I was, and I always blew her off.” I took a deep breath.

“One night I worked late and stopped at the bar on my way home. There was this girl I’d seen in there a few times. She always smiled at me, and that night we struck up a conversation. One thing led to another, and I went home with her. I didn’t sleep with her, but I probably would have.” Probably? How about definitely?

Sometimes I wish my conscience would just shut up . “Anyway, as we were…uh…kissing my phone rang, and I only glanced at it because I wanted it out of my pocket. Had it been Sophie’s name on the caller ID instead of an unknown—which turned out to be the hospital—I probably wouldn’t have even answered. But I did answer, and when I arrived at the hospital the doctor told me she’d miscarried at three months.” I shook my head and looked down. I saw Tara’s hand briefly move towards mine, but then she pulled it back.