Ever Hayes - Emergency Exit

“I know you made it up to Mom, and I know she forgave you for it. She did. I promise.” She noticed me shaking my head and put her hand on my forearm. “But you have to forgive yourself, too. You have to move on. Mom would want you to. Mom loved you, more than anything in the world.” Crap, those are tears . “But you suck when you’re miserable, and you can be really hard to be around. So stop being a jackass and be nice to Tara already.”

Did I mention this girl was outspoken? I looked out the window, still able to feel Hayley’s glaring eyes. “Can I say something?”

I waited, and then took her silence as permission. Let’s say you’re right. Let’s say you’re right about all of it. What if I do give Tara a chance, and I lose her too.” Hayley raised her hand to cut me off yet again. I rolled my eyes. “Seriously, Hayley.”

“Seriously, me?” she asked with a surprised tone. “Seriously, you. Look, Dad, I get what you’re saying.” She put her hand on mine. “I do. But you can look at it that way, or you can look at it this way. If you only have a day left, or two, or three, do you want to be stubbornly sitting here a few feet from her, wondering what it would be like to kiss her?” Whoa, slow down. “Wondering what it would be like to spend some more time with her, maybe even be happy again for awhile?” She had a point . “So, if you’re gonna die anyway, shouldn’t you at least die happy?”

“What if she doesn’t like me?”

“She will,” Sam said from the back.

“What?” I turned to him.

Hayley answered for him. “She will like you, Dad.”

I shook my head in disagreement.

“Yes, Dad, she will. She doesn’t care about good looks or a good sense of humor. She’d like you anyway.” Hayley elbowed me.

“You know I’m not going to thank you for that.” I elbowed her back. She’d made her point.

“I don’t care,” she replied. “If I can get you to realize that someone else could love you if—” She saw me start to object. “Okay, sorry, “like”—that someone else could like you if you’d just let them.”

“Got it,” I said. “So, should I…?” I pointed toward Tara.

“No,” Sam answered.

I turned back to him again. “What?”

“No,” Hayley said. “Let her sleep. She didn’t know I was coming back here to talk to you. You call that talking? Give her a little time, and then when the time is right, be a man and apologize.”

Daughters. “Hayley.”

“Dad?”

“Don’t tell me to—”

“Shut up, Dad?” she asked with a smile. “I will if I have to.”

Seriously . Her words weren’t lost on me. I still saw her as my little girl, but that voice and that logic, they were stunningly mature. Would Sophie really be okay with Tara and I? And what about Danny? I really didn’t want to fracture the relationship we’d been rebuilding.

“And don’t worry about Danny, Dad. I’ll talk to him.” She kissed my cheek and hopped out of the car. “But he already knows you like her. And he’s good with that.” She closed the door.

Okay, what? Do I have a teleprompter on my forehead? “What just happened here?” I asked no one in particular.

“She told you what you already know,” Sam replied.

I glanced back at him, but his eyes were closed. Was it really that obvious?

Apparently.

As Danny had surveyed the gunfight in the depot yard, many thoughts raced through his mind. Part of him would have been content letting Eddie and his brother die, but another part of him didn’t understand what would make men on the same side fight each other. He was afraid of backing the wrong dog in the fight, and he nearly decided to just walk away. But the intensity with which Eddie was pursuing them said this was more than just a murderous vacation for him. His resolve seemed rather atypical. By this point, he’d lost nearly all the men he’d started with, and yet he was still determined to take this to the end. He was willing to turn on his own army to prove whatever point it was he wanted to make in killing us. This couldn’t just be about that Markus guy. But what else had we done? What had America done to him for that matter? Or what did Eddie think America had done to him?

Danny kept going back to why he’d joined the military in the first place. He wanted to save lives, not take them. No matter how many times Eddie and his men had tried to kill us, and how many of his men we’d had to take out to survive, Danny still believed if you put him and Eddie in a room, just the two of them, he could convince the captain to see it his way. Now, to the other two in the truck, saving Lazzo didn’t seem like the right move—perhaps even more so to Blake, given his friend Nathan’s sacrifice.

Danny was well aware of their opinion and somewhat surprised Blake hadn’t vocally criticized him or the decision. He’d actually been remarkably quiet. Blake’s general awareness and unflappable presence of mind in the middle of all this insanity was not lost on Danny. Danny wasn’t great at apologies, but he tried. “Blake, I’m—”

“It’s not your fault, Danny,” Blake cut him off, placing his hand on Danny’s shoulder. “Not everything is going to go our way.”

Acknowledging Blake was right with a simple nod, Danny nonetheless voiced that they should have stayed out of it and just let Eddie and his brother die. There was no argument to those words. That’s probably what everyone else would have done. Still, deep in his heart, Danny believed his intentions had been right. Now he just hoped that would pay off at some point.

They rode the rest of the way in silence. The cold, heavy rain was wreaking havoc with the radar, and the screens in the truck were solid red, no other dots visible. Danny just unplugged it. They passed an enormous wall being built along the state line and had the same reaction as the rest of us. What the hell? They stopped in Wellington to fill up with gas, then at a small army surplus store in Fort Collins to restock on supplies. They found most of what they were looking for and a few bonuses: a tent, more sleeping bags, two inflatable rafts, dynamite, a harpoon gun, rope, packaged military food, wire, ammo, a dozen knives, and even four old-school Soviet winter white camo suits. It was definitely a worthwhile stop.

Danny, Wes and Blake cut across County Road 100 and nervously descended on the abandoned mine north of the reservoir. With great relief, they found us all safe, waiting for them. I got out of the truck when they pulled in, hopeful Tara would too, but she didn’t. I had a feeling I’d hurt her, and that sucked. That hadn’t been my intent at all. I’d just been too selfish. Yeah, I know… again . I was just trying to do the right thing by Sophie. Clearly, I had a great deal to learn about moving on after your wife dies.

Danny climbed out of the truck with a blanket in hand, and brushed past us. “Danny, what—” I started to follow him then saw Wes and Blake climb out and close their doors. Where was Nathan?

Hayley asked them for me. “Where’s Nathan?”

Blake just shook his head. Oh my… Wes and Blake explained what all had happened. They didn’t say anything about it being Danny’s decision, but I figured it had been. I get it now. I glanced over at him as he sat on the ground with his head between his knees. My paternal instincts kicked in, and I started to walk towards him, but Cameron grabbed my arm. “Don’t,” was all he said.

Cameron would know better than all of us what Danny needed at this point. I nodded reluctantly, and slowly turned back to Wes and Blake as they continued with the story. It was a tough blow, losing Nathan like we did—I felt like we barely got to know him. But it was clear by the way Blake spoke of him that he’d been a great guy—a funny, friendly guy. Blake had to choke back the emotions several times. This sucked . We were quite fortunate, and certainly grateful that the rest of us were still safe, but Nathan would be missed. Danny was lying on his blanket now—eyes closed—but I knew he was awake, listening to the rain and probably pretty deep in thought. For the first time on the trip, some serious questions were being raised about his ability to make the best decisions for the group. Fair or not, Danny wasn’t objecting to the questions or defending himself. There was a good chance even he didn’t believe he’d done the right thing now, but he wouldn’t have done it in the first place if it hadn’t seemed right then. It was hard, but he had to trust himself. We all had to keep trusting him.