Ever Hayes - Emergency Exit

We arrived around 2 a.m., and Cameron said he’d take the first watch. The others found sleeping bags and manageable space in the trucks and crashed. I was wired. I pulled on my winter jacket and took a sleeping bag over by the entrance to the mine. I closed my eyes and leaned my head against the rock wall, listening to the rain.

A quiet voice startled me. “Hot chocolate?” I jumped and looked up. Tara had followed me. I thought everyone else was going to sleep . She looked stunning as usual. Grey stocking cap tilted just perfectly, black scarf looped stylishly around her neck, hanging down across her thick winter jacket, the outfit completed with tight denim jeans and black boots. Damn .

“Uh… sure,” I stammered, taking the mug she was offering. “Didn’t you want to try to sleep?”

“No.” She smiled. “Not if you aren’t.”

I felt my face flush, thankful again for the darkness. “Where’s Em?” I asked, glancing behind her.

“With Hayley,” Tara replied, taking a seat next to me.

“Ah. Of course.” My heart was pounding in my ears as she lifted my sleeping bag around her shoulders, scooting next to me. And actually touching me . I took a drink of the “hot chocolate” and spit it out. Tara laughed. “It’s not hot,” I said.

“Sorry. The microwave wasn’t working.” She couldn’t hide her smile. She’d done a masterful job of easing the tension.

“Guess I should’ve known.” I stole another glance at her and caught her eyes locked on mine. I looked away. Everything I thought of saying sounded stupid in my head, so I kept my mouth shut.

We stared into the darkness for while. “Nice night, eh?” she said quietly.

I had to look at her to make sure she was kidding. Her beautiful smile gave that away. “Uh… yeah.”

“So what should we talk about? How about you?” She elbowed me. “Tell me about yourself. Hayley’s told me a little, but I’d love to know more.” Boy, she cuts straight to the chase. “If you don’t mind, of course,” she added when I didn’t answer right away.

“Uh…” Enough with the uhs. You’re making thirteen-year-old boys on their first date seem composed! “Okay.” Where the heck do I begin? “If you’re asking my astrological sign, I don’t even know what I am.”

“I’m not.” She smiled.

You should just not talk ever. “Okay, then,” I continued. “I guess I’m an architect.” Hello! You haven’t been one in years. “At least I was.” There you go . “I always wanted to be a writer, but my parents convinced me that wasn’t a real job and urged me to consider something that could actually make a difference…like working at Mickey D’s or selling Christmas trees.”

“Funny guy.” She tapped my foot with hers.

Okay, that’s better . “Yeah. I know.” This is going to bore her to death . “I always loved interior design, but it turned out I was better at coming up with the structural bones and letting other people dress it up. So I went with architecture. And landscape design. There were so many things I wanted to do to my own house someday that I could probably never afford, so I started designing homes for others, using my own dreams to build people theirs. I loved it.” I paused, remembering the day I packed up my office, locked it, and walked away from architecture. The day after Sophie died. A lump was forming in my throat. “How about you?”

“No. You’re not getting away that easy.” She nudged me again. “Tell me something more personal. Tell me about Sophie.”

I nearly choked. “Uh…” Uh again?

“Tell me about your wife.”

“She’s dead.” Brilliant statement, Einstein.

“I know,” Tara replied quietly, accommodating the terse edge in my voice. She had turned a little and was trying to look me in the eye.

“I can’t… I don’t…” This isn’t going to work . Tara took my hand.

“It’s okay,” she said, but I had already pulled away. I stood up, shrugging off the sleeping bag.

You’re messing up dude. “I’m sorry. I can’t.” Sit back down! I walked back towards the trucks.

“Ryan,” Tara called softly after me. “I’m sorry.”

You’re an idiot! Go back to her . I waved off her apology and climbed into the truck I’d driven here. I pounded the steering wheel with clenched fists. “Stupid idiot!” I said aloud, pounded the steering wheel again. I leaned my head back on the headrest.

“You okay?” A voice whispered from the back seat, startling me.

“Holy crap…” I glanced back. “Sam. Sorry, didn’t know you were in here.”

“No problem.” He mumbled.

“Go back to sleep.” I replied. “I’m okay. Just a freakin’ moron.”

“Got it.” And he was quiet again.

A few minutes later the passenger door opened, and Hayley climbed in. She punched me squarely in the upper arm, hard. “Hayley, what the—”

“Don’t,” Hayley said sternly. “Just listen.” I opened my mouth to object, but she cut me off. “That took a lot for her to come to you, Dad. Do you get that? Do you have any idea how hard that was? It’s almost like you’ve been making a point not to talk to her, but you’re only making everything worse. She cares about you, dude. Dude? Come on. You need to…” She paused. “Dad, it’s not going to kill you to have a friend, you know!”

“Seriously. What’s going on?” Sam asked from the back seat.

“Sorry, Sam.” Hayley glanced back, softening her tone. “I didn’t know you were there. Go back to sleep.” He didn’t object. “You’re a good guy, Dad. A great guy. And you deserve to be happy. Even if you’re making everyone else miserable.”

Was I? “But Mom—” I started to argue.

“But Mom nothing,” she cut me off again. “Dad, it’s been four years. You think Mom would want you to give up your entire life because she’s not here anymore? I’m not saying you’ll love Tara, or that she’s even your type, but she’s trying to be nice to you. You both could use a friend.”

“She’s married, Hayley,” I objected.

“She’s not.” Overruled .

Okay, I wasn’t ready for that . “But—” I pointed at my ring finger.

“Dad. Shut up.” Hey now . “She’s never been married. Never been engaged. She would tell you herself if you’d let her, but since you can’t seem to get out of your own way, I’ll save her the time and pain. Dad, she was raped a dozen years ago and got pregnant. She’s been trying to protect Emily this entire time, by herself.”

“What?” Definitely wasn’t ready for this .

Sam was sitting up now.

“How long have you known?” Then it occurred to me. “When we were at her farm?”

Hayley nodded. “That’s not the important part here, Dad.” I knew that now . “She was trying to reach out to you and you shut her down. Think about what it must have taken for her to walk over to you.” She paused but I had nothing to say. I was stunned.

A few seconds later, Hayley went on. “Listen, I’ve talked to Danny a lot about Mom. I’ve defended you every single minute. I actually wanted to move up with you when she died, but Danny convinced me not to. He talked to Kate’s mom and asked if she’d take me in. Kate sealed the deal. I understand what you were going through and why you did a lot of what you did. For years Danny wouldn’t tell me what was going on, but I eventually figured it out on my own. I know why you left us and you know you were wrong.”

This was too much. My head was swimming. I felt like crying and throwing up at the same time. And she didn’t stop.