Demitria Lunetta - In the End

It worries me a little to realize I don’t want to leave him.

“It’s not as easy as you make it sound,” I say at last.

“Because of that other place. The one you were at before you came here?”

I nod. He’s watching me patiently. I take a deep breath. “It’s been . . . hard. . . .” And then I start to tell him about my years in the After with Baby. My voice cracks when I talk about her, and when I start to talk about New Hope, I falter again. “When we were taken to the other colony, a place called New Hope, I thought we were finally truly safe, but it was worse than living with the Floraes.”

He’s listening intently, waiting for me to continue.

“I was tortured by doctors because I found out about the Floraes, what they really are . . . the result of an experiment.” I leave out the part about my mother creating the bacteria that turned people into Floraes. “My sister was part of the original test group. So was my . . .”

Rice. What is Rice to me?

“My friend was also a part of it.”

I swallow hard. I hadn’t meant to tell him so much. “I’m here to find Ken because he can help me get my sister out of New Hope.”

“Amy, why didn’t you tell me sooner? I . . . I would have done anything to be able to save my sister.”

It’s my turn to ask. “What happened?”

For a moment I think he won’t be able to talk about it, but then he tells me in a strained voice, “I tried so hard to protect her.” He shakes his head angrily. “Tank took a liking to her too, you know. He’d follow her around, stare at her. I made sure to put a stop to that shit right away, though. That’s why I took his file, way back then. I wanted to see what I was up against. As soon as I read it, I told my father. He said not to worry, so I told my uncle, and he made sure Tank knew she was hands-off.

“Still, she was scared of him. She used to be so vibrant, even in those first days when the infection broke out. She tried to tell me it was all going to be okay. She said it was important to remember that we still had each other, so things weren’t all bad. But once Tank started stalking her, she hardly ever left the cell, not even when I was with her.

“The night of the fire, the one I told you burned up the Yard, I tried to keep her safe. I was afraid it would spread to us here, so I made her leave. Everyone was scrambling. I lost her in the crowd.” His eyes burn with the memory. “She died in the flames. It’s my fault.”

I look up, startled at this admission. But the look on his face tells me not to say any more.

The silence stretches out between us, but after a while he speaks up again. “So you think Ken can help you get your sister back?”

“He’s the only hope I have. That’s why,” I say quietly, “I can’t promise that I’ll stay here. But I can promise that I won’t abandon you. If I leave, I’ll tell you first.”

“I get it.” He nods, but he doesn’t look happy. He stares at me, as if wanting more, but that’s all I have to give.

For three days straight I return to the same place and watch the door for Ken, but I don’t spot him again. There’s always someone guarding the area. Jacks comes with me at first, but eventually he has to go to work, which I tell him he can’t skip, especially with the Warden on to us. He relents when he realizes there is no way to convince me to go back to the cell to wait.

“If anyone bothers me, I’ll just tell them I’m yours,” I say.

Eventually he begrudgingly leaves. With the masses of people walking around, the guard either doesn’t see me from where I sit quietly against the wall, or he’s choosing to ignore me.

I’ve begun sneaking back at night, my synth-suit hood pulled down so I blend into the darkness. It’s useless; I can’t be there all the time. I have to sleep. There are hours when Ken can pass in and out without detection.

When I slink back to the cell for the fifth day in a row of no luck spotting my target, I announce, “I think I need a bike.”

“Why?” Jacks says, not looking up from his sketch.

“When I do find Ken, I’ll need to get to New Hope.” If I need to get to New Hope in a hurry, I could probably snag a car, but again, I’d have to find one that has keys and gas and figure out how to drive the thing. And then, if it breaks down, I’d be completely screwed. It will be good to have a bike as backup.

“Amy.” Jack’s tone is serious. He puts down his pad and places his elbows on his knees. “I think you have to face the possibility that you’re not going to find Ken.”

I look at him. “What are you saying?” I ask, trying to hide the edge in my voice.

“I’m saying that no one seems to know this guy. Not me, not Pam, no one. And Fort Black ain’t that big of a place. For the number of people I’ve asked, it’s just odd that we can’t find him.”

“But I saw him.”

“Are you sure?” he asks softly. “Maybe you saw what you wanted to see.”

“Yes.” Tears fill my eyes. I reach for the bottom bunk for support and sit down hard. “ Yes . I’m sure. I don’t care if everyone thinks I’m crazy. Right now Baby is probably being strapped to a table, undergoing who knows what. I won’t give up hope. I can’t.”

His brow furrows as he looks at me, the tears running down my cheeks. “Okay, okay. We’ll get you a bike.”

Gruffly, he pats my shoulder, then, realizing his roughness, takes more care when he awkwardly sits next to me on the bunk. “It’s gonna be okay,” he says, looking at me for a moment before gently pulling me to him.

I sink into him, immediately feeling comforted by his warmth. Despite the fact that we’ve spent a week together nonstop, I haven’t been this close to him. His arms and chest are solid muscle; the material of his shirt is soft and clean. I know I should pull away—but it feels so safe here. I take a deep breath and exhale.

He holds me closer, burying his face in my hair.

“Amy . . .” I feel him move away and angle his head toward my face. Our lips are so close now. I pause, wanting to give in, but then quickly pull away.

“We’ve got to go,” I mumble, shaking my head. I begin to ready my pack. I don’t look at Jacks, but I can feel his frustration. His disappointment. The silence is thick.

“Look,” I say finally. “I just don’t know what’s going to happen, and my main priority is—”

He shakes his head. “You don’t need to explain,” Jacks says coldly, standing to retrieve his keys from the table. “It’s fine. Let’s just help you find this Ken guy so that I can get my space back.”

I stare at him as he steps out of the cell. I follow, my face burning. I barely register that Brenna is standing in the hall until she calls out loudly.

“Hey, lovebirds,” she yells, a wicked gleam in her eye. “I was just coming to find you, Jacks. Got some details on my tat I need working out.”

“Can’t right now. We’re going to get her a bike,” he says, nodding toward me. “So she can leave.”

“Oh.” She gives us a strange look. “Well, hate to step in, but seems like you two could use a break from each other.” She turns to me and grins. “I’ll take you to get that bike.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea—” Jacks starts.

Brenna cuts him off. “We ain’t exactly helpless.”

I smile, despite myself.

“Whatcha got to pay him with, though?” Brenna asks, and turns to me.

“I’ve got enough to trade,” I tell her, patting my bag. Jacks already told me that I could trade the batteries and charger for a good bike. I also have that half bottle of vodka I scavenged. . . . Alcohol is another commodity that is in high demand in Fort Black. I start out the door.