Simon Green - Daemons Are Forever

“Oh you,” said Penny.

And they walked on together, arm in arm.

I put the Merlin Glass away and headed for the front entrance at speed. I didn’t want Penny alone with Mr. Stab, far away from help. I didn’t think he’d dare hurt a Drood right in the shadow of Drood Hall, but… I hurried through the hallways and connecting rooms, and all the way my family drew back and gave me plenty of room. Some glared, some muttered, but none of them had anything to say to me. Just as well. I had nothing to say to them. When I finally got to the front entrance, Molly was there waiting for me, along with one familiar face and one strange one. She had them both in vicious ear holds, putting on just enough pressure to keep them both quiet and grimacing at her sides.

“Look what I found!” Molly said cheerfully. “Sneaking around in the grounds…”

“We were not sneaking!” protested the familiar face, with as much dignity as could be managed when someone is twisting your ear into a square knot. “We were just…taking our time about making our presence known.”

“Hello, Sebastian,” I said. “Been a while, hasn’t it, since you betrayed me to Manifest Destiny, and then tried to kill me. Who’s your wriggling friend?”

“Hold still!” snapped Molly. “Or I’ll rip them right off and make you eat them.”

“It’s all right, Molly,” I said soothingly. “You can let go now. Even a notorious thief and con man like Sebastian Drood has better sense than to start any trouble at Drood Hall. Right, Sebastian?”

“Of course, of course! Leave off, woman, before my ear is permanently malformed! I’ll be good. I promise.”

“Damn right you will,” growled Molly.

She let go, reluctantly, and Sebastian and his companion straightened up and felt gingerly at their reddened ears. Sebastian’s usual air of sophistication was in tatters, but he still looked very prosperous in his expertly cut suit, and in really good shape for a man in his sixties. Even if his thinning hair were obviously dyed.

“I am not just any old thief,” he said haughtily. “I am a gentleman burglar. I steal beautiful objects from people who don’t appreciate them, and pass them on to people who can. For a percentage. I only steal the very best, from the very best. I have standards.”

“How did you get into the grounds unnoticed?” I said. “We’ve completely reworked the Hall’s security systems since I came back. Alarms should have gone off all over the place the moment you even thought about breaking in.”

Sebastian gave me his best supercilious smile. “I am a professional burglar, old thing, and an expert in my craft. And I … called in a few old favours. You know how it is.”

“Not even remotely,” I said. “Enlighten me.”

“Do you tell me all your secrets? Suffice it to say it was a one-time deal, and highly unlikely to be repeated. And as to why I chose the less obvious way in, let’s just say I wasn’t entirely sure of my welcome. Given our past history. Your message to the rogues did say All sins forgiven , but I’m afraid I’ve grown terribly cynical in my time away from the family.”

“You have so many sins to be forgiven,” I said. “Including those against me and Molly. But don’t sweat it, Seb, just because you betrayed me to my enemies. We take that kind of thing for granted in the family, these days. But you seemed to be doing so well, out in the world…Why leave your little lap of luxury in Knightsbridge, after all these years? And don’t even mention the word duty; I know you, Seb.”

“I want my torc back,” Sebastian said flatly. “I’ve made too many enemies in my time to survive long without one.”

“Fair enough,” I said. “But if just one precious heirloom goes missing in the Hall while you’re here, I’ll know it was you. And I will have Molly turn you into something even more slimy than you already are.”

“Something truly viscous and oozy, with exposed eyeballs and testicles,” Molly said gleefully. “I’ve been practicing.”

“And they say you can’t come home again,” said Sebastian. “This is exactly how I remember the family: coldly judgmental and extremely threatening. Worry not, Edwin, I’m not here to make waves. I just want my torc. Even if I have to, and I can’t believe I’m saying this, earn the damn thing.”

“That’s the spirit,” I said. “You’ll fit in nicely.”

“I understand you’re looking for tutors,” said Sebastian. “There are any number of useful tricks I could teach to the…more open-minded young Droods. Subjects and skills they probably never even dreamed of.”

“I should hope not,” I said. “Or they’d have been kicked out, just like you.”

Sebastian sniffed, hurt. “There isn’t an ounce of charity in you, is there, Edwin?”

“Not a bit,” I said. “I had it all removed surgically. Now; who’s your friend?”

“Oh, I’m Freddie Drood, darling!” said the young man on Molly’s other side. “Fabulous to meet you!”

Freddie was tall and dark and handsome, with coffee-coloured skin and close-cropped jet-black hair. He wore a snakeskin jacket over a silk shirt open to the navel, and Levi’s so tight he must have shrunk them on in the bath. He had mascaraed eyes, a bushy moustache, and a big, toothy grin.

“Freddie,” I said. “Can’t say the name rings a bell.”

“How unkind,” said Freddie, pouting. “I was absolutely notorious in my time, darling. But of late I found myself just a teensy bit financially embarrassed, so I teamed up with Sebbie here, as partners in crime. I got him into all the best parties, so he could case the joints, and then we came back later and robbed the poor dears blind.”

“And just why did the family find it necessary to kick you out?” I said.

“Oh, I’ve always been big and flamboyant and larger than life, honey,” said Freddie, throwing back his head and striking a dramatic pose. “I started out as a field agent, but once away from dreary family restraints, I just blossomed! I was practically a celeb, darling, and positively in demand for every little bash where the famous and infamous gathered. The family approved at first, because I picked up the most wonderful gossip about our putative lords and masters…But I just couldn’t bring myself to stay under the radar. I was getting noticed…so the family told me to come back home. I refused, and they cut me off without a penny. The heartless swine.

“Fortunately, I was already living with the first of a long line of sugar daddies, all of them quite prepared to keep me in the style to which I was determined to become accustomed, so for a long time it was just party, party, and let the good times roll! Until I made the mistake of trying to set up a little private income of my own, through a little discreet blackmail. The very first person I chose committed suicide, the poor dear, and left a very revealing letter behind. After that I was persona non grata in all the better circles, for ever such a long time. Which is how I ended up with Sebbie. I had a very large lifestyle to fund, darling: dancing and drinking and debauchery, all night long!”

“And what are you doing back here?” I said, when Freddie finally paused for breath.

“I really do need a torc, sweetie. There are just too many diseases out there these days. Don’t worry, I’m quite prepared to sing for my supper. A girl in my position does tend to hear things. I’m sure I can tell you all sorts of things you need to hear…”

“I’m sure you can,” I said. “All right; you both appall me beyond my ability to describe, but unfortunately, right now, you’re probably just what the family needs. Go on in and report to the Sarjeant-at-Arms, and find a way to make yourselves useful. Seb, I think we’ll keep you nice and busy with a series of lectures and tutorials. Like how to use a torc in illegal ways, for breaking and entering, and so on. Freddie, try to keep busy, and out of trouble.”