Simon Green - Daemons Are Forever

“So, what have you been up to, Jane?” said Molly, just a little bit put out at being excluded from the conversation for so long.

“Oh, keeping busy,” said Janissary Jane. “Just got back from another Demon War. Truth be told, I’m getting a bit long in the tooth for these long runs, but the call went out and I signed up, just like always. Ended up in this alternate timeline where technology had become so advanced they’d forgotten all about magic. They thought they were just opening up a doorway into another dimension; turned out to be a gate to Hell. The demons just came pouring out, killing everything in sight, howling with joy at such easy prey…and all the technology in the world wasn’t enough to stop them.

“The sun turned black, the rivers ran with blood, and demons covered the earth in all their endless varieties of horror. Nowhere was safe. There were no churches, or holy places. And weapons only designed to kill people had little effect on demons. Humanity in that place had forgotten all the old protections. They learned fast, though. And somehow they got the call out to us. We opened up our own dimensional door and off we went again, to fight the good fight.

“And to kill demons. Hate demons.”

“How many wars have you fought in?” I said, honestly curious.

She shrugged. “I don’t know. Too many. Won some, lost more, and lost too many good friends along the way. I’m a lot older than I look; serial regenerations will do that to you. Though they don’t stop you feeling old inside. Once I fought because I believed in my cause. Then because I hated demons. Now, just because…it’s what I do.”

“Still,” I said. “An actual hellgate, a direct link between a material plane and the Pit; that’s rare, isn’t it?”

“Very,” said Janissary Jane. “Or humanity would have been wiped out long ago. We had a whole army of seasoned demon fighters, heroes and warriors and soldiers, veterans of a hundred wars, and all we could do was die. We had the weapons and the tactics, but they had the numbers. I saw cities burning, mountains of severed heads, waded through blood and guts…The screaming never stopped. Eventually the very laws of reality started to change, warped by the presence of so many demons. We fought them for every inch, climbing over the bodies of our own fallen to throw ourselves at the enemy…and none of it did any good. We killed and killed, and still they came, laughing at us.”

She stopped speaking then. She started to raise the whiskey bottle to her mouth, and then lowered it again, as though she knew it wouldn’t help. Her cold gray eyes were far away, lost in memories she couldn’t forget, no matter how hard she tried.

“So, what happened?” Molly said finally.

“That dimension isn’t there anymore,” said Janissary Jane. “The demons were winning, so we blew it up, to prevent the demons from using it as a base to invade other dimensions.” She smiled sourly. “To save the universe, we had to destroy it. Some things never change. And only I am escaped to tell you the tale. Buy me another drink, Shaman. Something stronger.”

“You don’t have to join up with us,” said Molly.

“Yes I do,” said Janissary Jane. “I need a battle I can win.”

“Oh dear God, it’s you,” said a familiar voice. We all looked around, and there was the Blue Fairy. He was looking a lot better than the last time I’d seen him, but then, that wouldn’t have been difficult. That Blue Fairy had been on his last legs, physically and spiritually, and the figure before us was leaner, fitter, and dressed in the very smartest style. His face was still utterly dissolute, the few handsome traces remaining almost buried under lines of hard experience, but you had to expect that with the Blue Fairy. He had lived not wisely but too well, and it showed. He scowled at all of us, but me in particular.

“My half elf nature told me I’d be meeting someone important at the Wulfshead this evening, but if I’d known it was going to be you, I’d have stayed home and hidden under the covers until I stopped shaking.”

“You’re looking good, Blue,” I said kindly. “Especially considering, the last time I saw you, you were fighting for your life with some monstrosity you’d fished up from another dimension.”

The Blue Fairy shrugged. “Turned out it was just what I needed. Some kind of psychic vampire that ate all my addictions. I suppose it’s possible I subconsciously drew it to me.”

“Some people have all the luck,” said Molly.

“Hardly,” said the Blue Fairy. “Or I wouldn’t keep bumping into you people. Either way, I now have my health back, and my pride, and loath as I am to admit it, I am currently looking for some good works to get involved with, for the sake of my much abused karma. Since my nature brought me here, am I to take it you can help me out?”

“Got it in one,” I said. “I’m putting together an operation to take down the Loathly Ones, once and for all. A family outing, you might say. We could use your help, Blue.”

“Is the money good?”

“Of course.”

“Yes, well, it would have to be.” The Blue Fairy shook his head dolefully. “Never thought I’d see the day when I ended up aiding and abetting your notorious clan…”

“It’s Shaman Bond here,” I reminded him quickly. The Blue Fairy was another of those I’d been forced to reveal my true identity to when I was on the run. It seemed to me that there were far too many of them, but short of organising a cull, I didn’t see what I could do about it.

“Yes, yes, I hadn’t forgotten. I’m not entirely sure what I can contribute, apart from years of expertise in surviving appalling situations, but I’m in.”

Molly gave me a significant look over the rim of her glass, and I knew what she was thinking. You can’t trust him. He’s half elf, and you can never trust an elf. They always have a secret agenda, and another agenda hidden inside that .

“Well, well, well, look what we have here,” said a loud and cheerful voice behind us, in a strong Russian accent. “If it isn’t our dear old friend and customer, the Blue Fairy. Looking very prosperous, I would have to say. Fancy meeting you here, in this very expensive and upmarket establishment, when you have so many debts to be paying.”

We all turned to look, and there standing before us were two very large gentlemen in expensive long black leather coats, with shaven heads and nasty grins on their unpleasant faces. The Blue Fairy took one look at them and tried to hide behind me.

“Blue,” I said, “am I to take it you know these people?”

“Unfortunately yes,” said the Blue Fairy. “May I present to you the Vodyanoi brothers, Russian mafiosi who relocated to London after making Moscow too hot for them. I borrowed a hell of a lot of money from them, when I thought I was dying, and spent the lot on wine, drugs, and two very pretty rent boys. I honestly thought I’d be dead long before the time came to pay any of it back…Unfortunately, while all the money is gone, I am still here, and these gentlemen want their money back. Along with a quite extortionate amount of interest.”

“Indeed yes. We are Vodyanoi brothers!” said the thug on the left. “I am Gregor Vodyanoi, and this is being my baby brother Sergei Vodyanoi! We are being very dangerous people.”

“Very dangerous people indeed!” said Sergei, glaring at us all in turn. “Oh my word, yes.”

“Show them how dangerous we are, brother,” said Gregor.

Sergei produced a very large handgun from his coat pocket, put it to his left temple, grinned at us all with very large teeth, and then shot himself in the head. He rocked on his feet from the impact, but didn’t fall. There was no spurt of blood from the wound in his head, and the hole quickly closed. All around us, people were quietly backing away. Sergei gargled a few times, and then spat the deformed bullet out into his hand. He showed it to us, while Gregor slapped his brother proudly on the back.