Lili St Crow - Defiance

Dibs does not mess around when it comes to patching people up. It’s weird, because the rest of the time he can barely stammer out a hello without blushing.

I wished I knew what had opened up the cut on my head, though. And I really wished I could heal faster than human right now , instead of when I bloomed.

Benjamin leaned against the door, his arms folded. “You should not have gone down there without me,” he muttered again, glaring out from under his dark emo fringe. As usual, he looked too handsome to be real. Pretty much all djamphir boys do, except Leon. “Reynard is going to kill me.”

The torn-open spot inside me still felt empty. But I could deal. I shook my head, managed to focus again. “So we don’t tell him.” I turned my attention back to Shanks. “Did it work?”

The long dark wulfen shrugged. He was pale under his tan, and he looked like moving hurt. Apparently both Nat and I had nailed him pretty good. “Not anytime I ever heard of. Dad doesn’t talk about it much, except when he gets mad and he thinks the cubs are in bed.”

“I can’t hide this from Reynard.” Benjamin was talking like Shanks wasn’t even here. I guess coming out of his door to find Nat dragging me and Shanks, and Dibs dragging a newly-boy Broken into my room, blood all over me and my hands shaking, had not put him in a good mood. “He’ll kill me.”

I pushed the ice pack more firmly against my forehead. “He didn’t tell me the whole Council was going out this morning. Fair’s fair.” Looked back over at Shanks in the window, who had hunched his shoulders and was staring at me. “But there had to have been something, right? Some method? Or maybe we just lucked out. I don’t even know what we did.”

“What you did.” Shanks was having none of this “we” business. “ You did that.”

“I don’t even know how.” I could guess, though. At least some. That pressure on the other end of the chain—that had probably been Sergej. His will.

His master’s call. I shivered. Had Ash been feeling that pull the whole damn time? Fighting it off?

No wonder he’d gone nuts every night. I would’ve, too.

Right now I had an uneasy idea that that cut on my head was Sergej’s doing, at whatever distance. That was nastily thought-provoking, not to mention nightmarish. I could’ve lost an eye or something. Plus, I’d hurt something inside me by pulling so hard. I wished everyone would shut up for a bit so I could probe at the big raw empty thing inside my head, figure out what was going on. It wasn’t like the time Christophe drank my blood, where the touch had fled me and the entire world had looked two-dimensional. This was more like . . . some covering I hadn’t even known was hanging over me had been ripped away just like a scab, and I was raw underneath it. The touch still echoed inside my head, but faint and far away, like it was in a much bigger room than it was used to.

Like before it had been showing me the inside of a bedroom, but now it was echoing inside a cathedral.

“Hey! Hey! ” Nathalie almost yelled. “Calm down!”

I was off the bed in a heartbeat. Benjamin let out a blurting sound, but I got to the bathroom door before him, despite my legs shaking like they wanted to walk off in the opposite direction.

Ash was, of all things, crouching on the toilet, clutching the heavy blanket from his room around his shoulders. The red and yellow plaid cloth looked too bright to be real. Dibs was holding the blood-pressure cuff, and Nathalie was standing on the bath mat. There wasn’t room for anything else.

And they looked different, too. Like I was seeing them for the first time, every hair and tiny line, even the weave of Nat’s T-shirt and the fine thin threads of gold in Dibs’s hair. I could’ve counted all the hairs on his head, given enough time.

Ash’s mad, dark gaze locked on me. He was so white he was almost transparent. It was corpse pallor, and it did nothing for him. His hair hung down in greasy strings, and if not for the scarring running up the left side of his jaw, he probably would have been handsome in a raffish sort of way.

Now that he was human again, you could see just where the bullet’s silver grain had plowed into his flesh. Looked like I’d hit him off-center, but at least the skin wasn’t weeping a raw clear fluid anymore. There were just pockmarks and white stars of scarring, which probably meant the silver had been pushed free and the allergic reaction had stopped. Unless there was still silver buried in his jawbone. That was a real possibility.

It must’ve hurt like hell. I felt bad about it, even if he’d just bit Graves and would have killed us both at the time. Because he’d been under Sergej’s control.

But he wasn’t now. Or at least, I was betting he wasn’t. Hoping he wasn’t.

Dibs blew out a frustrated breath. “I don’t think he understands.” He gave me what passed for a Significant Glance in his book, which meant he looked at my face for a whole half second before dropping his gaze. He didn’t blush, though. “We need to get him cleaned up and dressed. And feed him. The change takes energy, and if he has another session he could relapse.”

“Okay.” I could almost feel my tired, cotton-fogged brain click over to working. Everything else could wait while there were immediate problems in front of me. Maybe in a little while I could lay back down and go to sleep. That sounded awesomely good. “Nat, you think you could scare up some food? I’ll get Benjamin to find him some clothes. Or wait . . . some of Graves’s stuff is around. Dibs, just relax. Ash?”

He cocked his head, still watching me. Something about him reminded me of a feral cat, trapped and just waiting to see how everything would go down. His mouth opened, but no sound came out. The streak in his hair glowed, sun through the skylights drenching the entire white-tiled bathroom. Maybe it was the light making everything look so hyper-real.

“On it.” Nat squeezed past Dibs—who would have folded in on himself to make himself smaller if he could—and slipped past me.

“Be careful.” Benjamin now, fussing from behind me. “He’s dangerous, Milady.”

I snorted. Laid the ice pack down on the old-fashioned sink’s rim. “If he didn’t hurt me then, I don’t think he’s likely to now. See if you can find some of Graves’s clothes, or anything that’ll fit him, huh? Please, Benjamin.” I didn’t have to work to sound weary. The torn place inside me was beginning to hurt, like the novocaine on a tooth wearing off. “Let’s just take this one step at a time.”

“You should really keep icing that—” Dibs piped up.

“It’s iced enough.” I eased into the bathroom. Ash stared at me. “Hey. Bet you’re pretty weirded out. It must feel strange to be smaller now, and not so furry.” The edges of the words slurred. My mouth wouldn’t work quite right.

“Dru.” Benjamin sounded queerly breathless, and he was suddenly at the bathroom door. “Milady—”

The bone-rattling growl that came out of Ash surprised everyone. Dibs squeaked, flattening himself against the tiled wall and a towel rack. Ash’s lip lifted, showing white teeth. A tinge of orange ran through his dark irises.

“Now stop that.” I tried to sound firm, but I only sounded tired enough to lay down and pass out. “He just wants to help. Cut it out.”

The growl cut off midway. The orange died in his eyes. Ash cocked his head. His lips moved soundlessly, as if he was trying to speak. The scarring made one half of his mouth a grotesque smile.

“It’ll help if you sit down.” I slid past Dibs, who tried flattening himself even further. I was close enough now to reach up and touch the blanket around Ash, wrapping it more securely. He was bareass underneath it, and I didn’t want to look. I’d be embarrassed, if I wasn’t so goddamn exhausted. My head was really starting to pound now, too, and that empty torn place was sending little daggers of sharp bright white through me. Especially my joints. I felt like I had what Gran always called “the rheumatiz.” “Look, we’re trying to help you. It’s all going to be okay.”