Kinsey Holley - KISS AND KIN

«Well,» TJ eventually said softly, «I always figured if you and Taran got together, you'd call me, we'd giggle and squee, and then we'd analyze every single thing he said and try to figure out what would happen next.»

She didn't answer.

«We still need to figure out what happens next, don't we?» TJ continued.

She nodded.

«Lark, sweetie, you have to say something here.»

«He told me I'd run,» she mumbled.

«What did he mean by that?»

«He said if I knew how much he wanted me, I'd run like hell.» Her voice quavered as her throat tightened. «He was right.»

«Can you tell me how you feel? Are you sad, scared, pissed off, confused?»

«Yes.»

TJ smiled. «Okay. Are you even a little happy? The guy you've been in love with for ten years wants you, and-« «Yes. It makes me happy. It made me happy; I mean, for about twenty hours it made me delirious. I thought my whole life had changed.» She laughed bitterly. «And I was right.»

«So. You're happy he loves you, pissed off and scared because you didn't have any warning-« «Who said he loves me? I'm his mate. He doesn't have a choice; it's not like he picked me for me.»

On her way to the kitchen for refills, TJ stopped and turned around. With one hand holding the pitcher and the other one planted on her hip, she said, «Please tell me that's not what flipped you out. Please tell me you understand the difference between a man and a werewolf.»

«Werewolves fall in love with women who aren't their mates, don't they?»

«Sure, all the time. Most wolves never even find a mate,» TJ called over the blender. «But wolves who do find mates say it's love-it looks like love and feels like love and hurts like love.

Only difference is, a mate bond lasts forever, and human love often doesn't. Scientists say even for humans, love is partly a physiological reaction, so do you really want to get hung up on details?»

TJ poured her a new 'rita and sat back down on the couch, sipping her own.

She didn't pick up her glass right away. She sat cross-legged and cross-armed in the large chair, growing more morose and annoyed by the minute as she realized her most trusted adviser insisted on approaching this whole issue rationally.

«I don't consider it just 'details,' Teej. I've known him almost my whole life, and he's never acted like he wanted me, or even liked me. He's always treated me like an irritating little sister and now he figures out I'm his mate, all of a-« TJ slammed her glass down on the coffee table so hard some of the icy green concoction jumped the rim and puddled on the finished wood. She paid no attention to the mess.

«Lark. Are you going to argue with me about wolves and love and bonding?»

She blinked in surprise. «Oh, my God.» Her heart dropped down to her shoes, and her face burned with shame. «I'm a selfish fucking bitch,» she said through her hands. «I'm a stupid, insensitive asshole. I can't believe I didn't even stop to think about you and Josh. Oh, Teej…»

«Stop it, sweetie. Just stop,» TJ murmured, sighing. «I wasn't trying to make you feel like shit. I was reminding you I know something about this. I want you to look at this calmly. You need to figure out what you're really feeling here.»

She raised her head to see TJ looking at her with love and sympathy, and she wondered what she'd done to deserve such a best friend.

«You don't think I'm a bitch for freaking out about Taran claiming me, even though you lost your boyfriend when he found his mate?»

TJ took a couple deep breaths, staring into space for a minute. «You're not a bitch, baby. I'm your best friend; you're supposed to come to me when you're unhappy. I lost Josh seven years ago.

I've healed.»

«You're healed, but you refuse to date werewolves?»

«Yes,» TJ said firmly. «Losing Josh hurt like hell. But it hurt mostly because it wasn't his fault.

And once it happens to you, you want to make damned sure it never happens again. Josh loved me-he really loved me, I know that-and then Melissa showed up, and it wasn't his fault or her fault. It just felt so fucking random.»

«Some werewolves don't leave their girlfriends, or their wives, when they meet their mates.»

«True. But they end up miserable. If a wolf's in love with a woman and his mate shows up, he's screwed either way.»

«But since it's so rare for a wolf to even find a mate,» Lark said gently, «the odds of it happening to you again are, like, nonexistent. So you could-« «Lark, I'm not discussing Nick. Not today, not tomorrow, never. We're talking about Taran.»

«Okay. Sorry.»

«Forgiven.»

Lark knew she meant it.

«Now. Can we agree having the wolf you've loved for ten years wind up bonded to you is maybe not the worst thing you've ever experienced?»

She sighed. «Oh, hell. I guess so.»

«All right. That leaves what? Anger at him for not telling you before he claimed you.»

«Right. It feels like he trapped me.»

«But he can't. He can't force you to stay with him. He's fucked if you don't want him. He's bonded to you, body and soul, for the rest of his life, so if he committed some great sin, he'll be doing penance forever.»

«Yeah, but for the rest of my life, there's a wolf out there who can sense me, can find me, can never forget about me… I mean, there are some really scary stories about bonded wolves whose mates rejected them.»

«And none of them apply to y'all. He'll never hurt you, he'll never go crazy on you. Like you said, he's never acted like he wanted you. You really think it's because he didn't?»

She frowned. «What? You mean like, he wanted me and purposely acted like an asshole so I wouldn't know?»

TJ rolled her eyes. «Duh. And why do little boys chase little girls and hit them with their backpacks?»

«I hadn't thought about it like that.» She recalled something Taran said last night. «Oh. Oh, wow.»

TJ raised her eyebrows.

«Last night, after…after we made love. He said something about forgetting what it was like. He said he hadn't been a busy wolf lately, and I was surprised, because he's always had women, you know? So that would mean…»

«That would mean he hasn't had sex in a while because you're his mate. He probably hasn't wanted anyone else. Even when he's horny, being with other women would just make him unhappy.»

The implications staggered her. She leaned forward, resting her chin on her hands. «Holy shit.

What if he's been feeling like this for years? What if he's been suffering as much as me? I mean-« «How was it, by the way?»

«Huh?»

«The sex, Lark. How was the sex?»

«Oh. Um, unfuckingbelievable.»

TJ grinned slowly. «Really.»

«Yeah. Scary good.»

«Well, no wonder you're so pissed off. Y'all could've been having heart attack sex all this time.»

She snorted her margarita. It burned her nose. «That's not what I'm really worried about right now, but yeah, I guess.»

«So. What you're really upset about is his not telling you first, because now you feel trapped.»

«Yeah. I feel responsible for him. He asked me if I'd expected a fuck buddy.»

TJ damned near snorted her own drink. «Shit. He said that? Did you punch him?»

«No! I was too upset to even notice. Hey. Could I punch him?»

«Oh hell yeah. He's bonded-he's yours. Look him in the eye, tell him to go to hell, throw something at him, alpha don't mean shit after this. I don't know why they refer to a wolf claiming his mate, when he's the one who gets shackled, but oh well. So, you felt trapped…»

«Yeah. I always fantasized about him wanting me, or…»

«Falling desperately, head over heels in love with you…»

«Yeah. And then we'd have wonderful sex and be together. But I never tried to imagine the rest of it-explaining it to the family, dating like normal people. Get married? Break up? I mean, when you think about it, the complications could be horrible.»