J. Nelson: Free Agent

Fairy tales weren’t the only place where stepmothers and daughters didn’t see eye to eye. The solution these days involved a burly man with a truck, not a prince on a horse. “So move out. It’s the twenty-first century, not the seventh. I was living on my own at eighteen, in the city.”

“I can’t. I’m the family seal bearer.”

Finally the whole picture made sense. As her family’s seal bearer she had magic, real magic, and that meant the normal rules wouldn’t apply. She’d live at home until Stepmommy released her or she married. The seal bearer for a family does not run away from home. “You’re going to be happy,” I said, the best thing I could do at the time. I whistled for the hounds and they came. I set them to “torment,” and took off running again, letting their bloody muzzles and glowing red eyes drive away the worry in my heart.

GRIMM AND EVANGELINE worked with Ari in the evenings. She had to learn to waltz, learn to speak, learn how to bat her eyelashes just right. I knew the charade, I’d had it drilled into me a dozen times at least, but for Ari this was all new. She’d be doing it for real, and if what I saw was any indication, she’d be doing it poorly.

“You let him talk about him,” said Grimm during one of the training sessions, “He’s a man: I promise it will be his favorite subject.”

Ari looked like she wanted to puke, and since she’d been training for hours, they let her take a break.

“How’s your part of the ritual going?” I asked as she leaned up against the kitchenette counter.

“I’m so tired. My leg hurts, and my arm hurts worse.” She glared at me.

I looked at the tiny bandage on her calf. In my defense, I had warned her to keep moving. Yeller had spent five minutes licking his butt to get the taste of princess out of his mouth.

“He’s not like other princes,” I said.

Ari looked up at me with hope.”You’ve met him?”

I nodded. “Getting things in order. Ready for you.” It was about as true as what I’d told him, but it left a smile on her face, and at least someone was happy.

That night I returned Liam’s call. I told him I’d been busy with work but that I couldn’t stop thinking about him. Both things were truer than I wanted. As expected, he asked me to dinner and a movie, and of course I accepted. I went upstairs to Grimm’s office to have a little chat.

Grimm’s office had a big desk, like you’d expect, and a big chair, like you’d expect, but the chair only had a mirror sitting in it. Not the mirror, of course. Kingdom knows where the real mirror was; probably in a vault below a dungeon, guarded by accountants. This one worked as his business mirror.

“Marissa, dear, how may I help you?”

I looked at the wall of weapons in his office with envy. Magic swords, a lasso, that wall had it all. He used to even have a driver’s license that let you get out of any ticket. I was nearly certain Evangeline had it in her purse. There was some fine weaponry on the wall, better than what he gave me.

“I was wondering, Fairy Godfather,” I said, realizing my nerves were showing through, “how much Glitter a love potion actually costs. We go to all this effort, and honestly—”

“You were wondering if it wouldn’t be cheaper to enchant? It’s about time you started thinking about the bottom line. No, my dear. Potions are only to be used when time is not available. It’s not about the Glitter, really. It’s about building ties that will last.”

“But their relationship will be built on a lie.”

“No, Marissa. Your relationship is built on lies, but theirs will be built on truth, on rebuilding from hurt and learning to share. It’s an arranged truth to be certain, but I’ve done this for centuries, and I’ll take real love over a potion any day.”

“Tonight is the second date. Dinner theater.”

Grimm gave me that wry smile of his. “Good girl. Kiss him, hug him, but keep it appropriate for an unmarried princess.”

“I won’t do anything you wouldn’t do.”

He frowned.

“I’m kidding,” I said. I almost was.

“Oh, and Marissa, you are not to employ hellhounds again in training the princess, do I make myself clear?”

At that moment I realized why Ari was complaining about her arm. “Sorry. I should’ve known a princess wouldn’t bother with her infernal rabies shot. On the plus side, she’s good for the next five years.”

“Those hounds are a menace. If it were up to me, we’d eradicate them all.”

That was not actually true. He knew as well as I did the hellhounds were our only hope of keeping the toy poodle infestation in check.

“Now that she’s got her shots, I could take her to Inferno. Rock climbing, dodging lost souls, great workout for the upper body. The heat would be good for her complexion—”

“No.”

Sometimes, he could be a real killjoy.

LIAM SHOWED UP at six o’clock sharp. We met at a tiny office Grimm keeps for us to use when we need to meet someone we can’t meet at the agency and wouldn’t dare meet at home. I took one look at Liam and decided someone needed to work with him on his fashion sense. One does not show up for a formal date in a T-shirt and jeans. I had spent two hours getting ready and had to ditch it in twenty minutes for a blouse and blue jeans.

“The limo driver won’t want to be seen with us,” I said.

He laughed at me. “I thought we’d do something different. Got good walking shoes?”

I wore my monster-hunting sneakers, so I was ready. We set out on foot, and to my surprise Liam took me down into the subway.

“It’s going to take a bit to get there,” he said.

I didn’t mind. It had to be hard being the last son. And frankly, we weren’t going to spend much more time together. So we sat in the subway station and talked. He hadn’t bothered shaving, and his face was scraggly.

“You going to make a career in loss prevention?” he asked me.

“Not if my plans work out. This is just to pay the bills.”

“So what is Miss Marissa Locks going to do someday?”

I froze. I’d thought a lot about the day when the bracelet came off and I took my memories back. In eight years I’d never thought about the day after that. “What do you want to do with your life?”

He looked down at the sidewalk. “I want to make things. Beautiful things. Then sell them for lots of money.”

Maybe he would have made a better king than I thought. The subway arrived and we got on. You want to see a troll or an orc or a goblin, you’ve got to go to Kingdom. If you want to see weird, the subway is the way to go. We sat and held hands and tried not to point or stare. We got off in the wrong part of town.

There’s Kingdom, which was so lavish it made my apartment seem like an outhouse. Then there was this place, which made living in a cardboard box seem attractive. I checked my bag, feeling the weight of the revolver and wishing I had picked up a few spells to go with me. Of course, I couldn’t use them without him knowing I was more than a normal girl, any more than I could use the bracelet that jingled in my pocket as I walked. The nine millimeter, on the other hand, spoke a language both normal folk and magic folk understood.

He took my arm and pulled me close to him. “No need to be nervous. You don’t come to this part of town much, I can tell.” I’d actually come there more times than he’d believe. I was pretty sure I ran over my first gnome a couple of blocks from there. I remember because Grimm made me pay to have the tire replaced. Even after the car wash it smelled like gnome guts and Johnson Wax for weeks. Plus I hadn’t been able to get deliveries from Kingdom ever since, meaning if I wanted something, I’d have to go get it myself.