Eli William - Cash Crash Jubilee

Amon scanned the Gutter for a few minutes more, when suddenly the huge face of a man appeared in front of him, enlarged to ten times the normal size and rendered in exquisite detail. He had long, blond curls that hung in dangling twists along the sides of his cheeks like a curtain of soft, golden candy canes, and his eyes were hazel, painted with smudged daubs that resembled the impressionistic brushstrokes of a distant wheat field. His nose was long, elegant, and smooth, with a slightly pointed tip; his jaw-line sharply chiseled; his finely-textured skin brushed into gentle grooves, like miniature sand dunes or a zen garden. Below the chin, only his shoulders were visible, garbed in a brown pinstripe jacket. There was a startling angled symmetry to his features, almost Slavic but more polished and geometric, which conveyed a delicate, masculine beauty. It was Yoshiyuki Sekido, the Minister of Liquidation.

“Good morning, Sekido-san,” said Amon.

“Good morning, Kenzaki,” Sekido returned. “There are some issues of an important although not yet pressing kind that might warrant an exchange of words, maybe a conversation—no, formal discussion perhaps is a more appropriate phrase—between the parties concerned: to be more precise, I am referring to you and I.”

As Minister of Liquidation, Sekido’s main job was to manage and coordinate the different liquidation squads. He was generally well-liked in the ministry, thought to be a diligent and reasonable overseer who was strict with newcomers but generous with bonuses, although he was infamous for a few peculiar quirks. One of these was his vague and roundabout manner of speech.

“I see. What would you like to discuss?” said Amon.

“It concerns the appraisal of certain managerial initiatives, organizational endeavors, professional practices, and their ilk within the liquidation squadron of which you are in charge, in your capacity, duly acknowledged, as Identity Executioner.”

“You must be referring to my evaluation.” Amon felt a stab of fear in his gut, sensing Rick’s empty seat out of the corner of his eye without looking at it conspicuously and drawing the attention of his boss. “Were my results satisfactory?”

“ Satisfactory is not how I would choose to describe the outcome of our thorough valuational assessment of the entire squadron over the last twelve months since you were elevated to a leadership role, both individually and taken as a unit, with particularly close attention paid to your records.”

If the squad’s performance was not satisfactory, how bad had it been? Amon wondered, his skin tightening with anxiety, as though stretched taut by invisible hands. “M-my records?” he asked feebly.

“Yes. You have displayed a certain quantity of notable promise since the day we recruited you into this indefatigable ministry, especially taking into account your perfect concentration test score, and irrespective of any variations there may or may not have been in your performance over the years, our high expectations for you have never faltered, even now that we have enough evidence to seek an appropriate confirmation or disconfirmation of our preliminary impression.

“We’ve been looking over your results from all sorts of angles, in order to consider the plurality of pertinent facets in correlate, and thereby analyze the variegated factors involved in the matter at hand. Your potential for leadership, if any, is of course central, but your putative skills at facilitating the training of new recruits, and whatever tact you might possess in carrying out cash crash operations—all of these have been incorporated into our calculation of your potential for integrity and future successfulness.”

Sekido paused to stare intently at Amon with his wheat-field eyes. Amon waited in tense silence for him to continue. He wanted to ask directly for his results, but held his tongue; he knew that Sekido’s speech got more circumlocutory the more important the news he was trying to convey, and had learned that asking questions only sent him further off topic.

“In any case, there’s a new project of sorts in initial preparatory stages, an infant undertaking if you will, although whatever details I have received, which are minimal to say the least, lack the requisite precision to express to you the enormous possibilities it offers. All I can impart by way of communication at this time and date and place is that the Liquidator—if indeed it is a Liquidator, and my superiors have offered no guarantees, only highly provocative innuendo—the Liquidator who gets this job will be the envy of everyone else in the Ministry, possibly of everyone in GATA, and not unplausibly even some external to GATA who admire the services we provide. According to the specifications of the relevant human resources representative and their compatriots in that section, the ideal candidate will be quick-thinking, creditable of course, organized—although not an essential prerequisite, we would prefer someone in good physical shape—able to rapidly understand obscure and sophisticated directives and faithfully reliable.”

Where the hell are you going with this? snapped an icy, bitter thought in Amon’s head, but he nodded to everything his superior said with a bright, attentive expression. His stomach had gone cold with dread.

“Now about your evaluation, Kenzaki. We were very pleased.”

“Is that so? Really!?” After the long, preamble, Amon was taken off guard by this sudden positive turn. “I mean, I suppose… that was the overall consensus then?”

“The propriety of a man of my standing misleading an inferior is questionable at best, don’t you think?”

“I’m delighted to hear that my efforts have paid off.”

“Well, while I do believe a celebratory mood is not beyond the pale, as it’s difficult to quantify exactly how pleased we were, cautious excitement might be more prudent than delight; you can take that as a piece of advice or just casual banter as you will. You see, there are certain areas for improvement—as the saying goes, nothing but money is perfect—and I will give you a full breakdown of our suggestions in an email by the beginning of next week.”

“I look forward to reviewing them.”

“Yes, well. To tell you a bit more about the project, it will be facilitated by certain elite members of the Executive Council and will commence some time within the next year, give or take a few weeks. As I’m sure you are prescient, it usually isn’t possible to advance straight from our ministry to a position proximate to the Council, yet that shouldn’t disturb us as it won’t be a direct move per say, but more of a skirt around the institutional edges, if you know what I mean.”

Amon continued nodding as if he knew what Sekido meant.

“In short, I’ve recommended you for this position.”

“That is fantastic news, sir. I almost can’t believe my ears.”

“Now don’t forget what I counseled already about cautious excitement. According to the fruits of our implemented selection protocol, you have all the traits we’re looking for—in spades—but this is a mere recommendation and other candidates may present themselves as unsurmountable hurdles or sharp caltrops on the application racetrack, if you’ll allow your mind to encompass these little metaphors. That is to say, your rejection is not an unthinkable impossibility, although you may have a chance to meet with one of our internal headhunters in the near future to talk about your eligibility.”

“Thank you very much!” said Amon, leaning forward in his chair to bow his head low. “I’m so grateful for this chance.”

“Don’t thank me. Just keep on working hard so there won’t be anything to exclude you when the time comes for our meeting with the headhunter.”