Нора Робертс - The Becoming

“It’s not her. It’s her brother. Phelin. It’s Phelin.”

“He’s hurt? Where is he? I could help.”

“No, baby, you can’t help.”

She stared, then it struck, then it sank in. “No, no, no. I saw him fighting. I saw him right at the beginning.”

She’d sent frogs after him once, long ago. She’d danced with him at the Welcome. She’d met his wife. He’d talked about becoming a father.

“Where is she? Where’s Morena?”

“She went to tell her parents, her family.” Marco brushed tears from her cheeks, and from his own. “She’s going to need you, but she’s with her family. Harken, he had to tell her. He took out the one who killed Phelin, but he had to tell her.”

“All this, so many dead, over me.”

“Breen.”

“I don’t mean it’s my fault. I know better, especially now. But Odran used me, Marco. He used me, and Morena lost her brother. There’ll be other Leavings. There’ll be children whose mother or father doesn’t come home again. I’m not going to feel sick inside anymore about what I did today.”

She turned to him. “If I begged you to go home, back to Philadelphia, you wouldn’t.”

“Not a chance.”

“I’m afraid for you, Marco.”

“That’s mutual, me for you, so we stick together.” Eyes on hers, he gripped her hand, linked their fingers. “Like always.”

She took a breath. “It would’ve been worse, more would have died, if you’d listened to me this morning. So, okay, I’m going to try to stop. It won’t be easy, but I’m going to try. We stick together.”

“Except for now. Keegan.” He pointed out. “Looks like he’s coming down, and you guys need to talk. I’m going to go see if I’ve still got a room in the castle.”

He gave her a hard kiss, then left her.

Cróga glided down. When Keegan dismounted, she wondered if she looked anything like him. Blood on her face, her clothes. Were her eyes that exhausted?

They stood a moment, a dozen feet apart while the sea breeze blew away most of the battle stink. She wasn’t sure what to say to him, how to begin, but when he started toward her, she met him halfway.

“Are you hurt?” he asked her.

She shook her head. “Are you?”

“Nothing. No.”

But she knew, felt, some of the blood he wore was his own.

“I didn’t protect you. They separated us, and I couldn’t protect you.”

“You trained me to fight. With a sword, with my fists, with my power. And I did. It’s not like the training field. You tried to teach me that, too, but I didn’t know.” Her throat clogged; her eyes welled. “I didn’t know. Now I do.”

“Don’t cry, I beg you. Your tears would break me.”

“I came to help—the dream, the portal. But he wanted me to come. He needed me to, to use me to open it. And I didn’t see that.”

“How could you? None of us did. His tactics, his strategy, all very well planned out for this. To make us believe he’d use the falls for his way in, while he worked here. But we turned that on him, and had troops massed here.”

He looked away, back toward the woods. “Not enough, not for the ambush, not without Harken bringing more. We’d seal it, I thought, find it, seal it, and wouldn’t that fuck his fucking plans.”

“And I opened it.”

“The fault’s not yours.”

“No, it’s not, and not yours. It’s his. Phelin died.” The tears wanted to come again. “Morena—”

“I know it.” Closing his eyes a moment, he scrubbed his hands over his face. “He was a friend, a friend since childhood. I don’t know all we lost as yet.”

But he would, Breen thought. He’d know all the names, speak to all the families, and lead another Leaving.

“Loren.” At his nod, she continued. “You don’t know how. I was there. It was Shana.”

“Ah, gods.”

“You need to know. He stepped between her and me. I think, I believe, to try to save both of us. And he took the knife she intended for me. He said it was poisoned, and I couldn’t heal him. Keegan, it happened so fast, and I couldn’t … She laughed, and there was something different about her. In her.”

“She’s Odran’s now. But he couldn’t have wanted you dead, so the knife and the poison, that was hers.”

“I killed today.” She said it flatly, and drew his gaze back to hers. “I’ll never be exactly the same because of that.”

“I’m sorry for it.”

“Don’t be. I know who I am now. I fought for Talamh today, and for you, for myself, my father. When Yseult told me—”

“Yseult?” He touched her for the first time, gripping a hand on her arm.

“Didn’t your mother tell you?”

“There wasn’t time for talk. I know she’s well, and she with you and Marg closed and sealed the portal. But I … I had to see you for myself, so there wasn’t time for talk.”

“She found me—or lured me away enough, I don’t know. She tried the fog trick again.” Breen’s eyes hardened. “It didn’t work. She told me I’d caused all this. I didn’t,” she said when Keegan started to speak. “And she told me Nan and Sedric were dead. That you were dead. I said I didn’t believe her, but part of me did. I believed her, and I hurt her. I should’ve killed her quickly, but I didn’t want quick. I wanted her pain. She used the fog to get away because I didn’t want quick.”

“Wait.” He cupped her face now to keep her gaze on his. “She had you alone, and she ran from you?”

“Screaming. Shrieking, really. And bleeding. A thousand barbs, that’s what came into my head. Or not my head, I don’t know where it came from.”

“She’s as powerful as any I’ve known, and surely more since she chose Odran. And she ran from you. I took you to your dragon because you’d become. But it’s today, in full, in truth, you’ve become.”

“I’ll kill her before it’s done.”

With a sigh, he lowered his forehead to hers. “I find I don’t want this for you. I know it must be, but I find I wish it wasn’t.”

“I was born for this.”

“And so much more, mo bandia .”

“He’ll find another way. Odran. He’ll find another way through, sooner or later.”

“Aye, until he’s destroyed, he’ll keep finding a way. But ask yourself this. Why didn’t he come through this day? So many of his demons and warriors came through. Even Shana. He sent Yseult through, and with one purpose I see. To bring you back to him. He didn’t come through and take you or try. Why?”

“I hadn’t thought of it.” So much blurred, she thought, with so many moments of clear-cut clarity. But she hadn’t thought of that.

“You’ve a brain in there.” He tapped a fist lightly to her head. “And a fine one at that. So think of it. We were taken by surprise, and outnumbered. Even with the warriors waiting for a signal, we were at a disadvantage until Harken brought the valley warriors. Shana found you. Yseult found you. Why didn’t he?”

“He can’t come through?” Her eyes narrowed as she turned the question into a statement. “He can’t come through, not yet. He doesn’t have enough power to come through again.”

“The gods banished him to that world, and it took centuries for him to build enough power, to drink enough to pass through to Talamh. And what did he do?”

“Made a child—my father. To drain the power from his son because he didn’t have enough to take the world, to take Talamh. Nan stopped him, and it took him years more to come for me. He sends others through to steal children, young Fey, for sacrifices, for more power. But it’s not enough.”

“And won’t be, I’m thinking. He’s a god in that world, but in this? There are weaknesses and risk.”