Лоуренс Блок - Random Walk - A Novel for a New Age

“Do you hear what they’re saying?”

“I know what they’re saying. Some of the time, anyway. It’s very flickery, it’s like a film that keeps cutting from one image to another. Or sometimes it’s just one picture that flashes on the screen, and it’s there for a while and then it vanishes and nothing else comes on.”

“They turn the lights on and the show’s over.”

“Something like that. A lot of the time I see people walking down a highway.”

“Where are they going?”

“I don’t know yet,” she said. “I’m starting to know.”

“Yeah?”

“I’ll tell you what I thinks happening. I think that as I lose my eyesight, this other kind of sight is expanding. It doesn’t just happen late at night now. It can happen any time I close my eyes. It doesn’t always, but it seems to be happening more and more.” She heaved a sigh. “I think it’s a gift, Thom.”

“A gift.”

“I think so.”

“And you chose it.”

“It was offered to me, and I chose to receive it.”

“You picked out your own present. Mom? What do you figure it is that you see? The future?”

“I don’t know. Maybe.”

“Like having a crystal ball in your head. Hey, can you see how I’m going to do on my science final?”

“When is it?”

“I think a week from Wednesday.”

“Well, that’s easy, then,” she said.

“Are you serious? You really know how I’m going to do on a test I haven’t even taken yet?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Well?”

“You’re not going to take the test, Champ.”

“I’m not?”

“Nope.”

“Why? Am I gonna be sick? Am I gonna choose to have a cold that day?”

She shook her head. “You’re going to choose to be elsewhere.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean I think we’ll be out of here by then, Thommy.”

“Out of here?”

“Gone. Out of Fort Wayne.”

“We’re moving?”

“’Fraid so.”

“Where are we going?”

“I don’t know yet.”

“Do you know when?”

“Soon. Before your science final.”

“We’re just gonna pick up and go? Just like that? Are we going to take the car? We can’t take the car, you can’t drive. What are we—”

She held up a hand. “Stop. No more questions. I don’t have any more answers just now. Okay?”

“But—”

“‘More will be revealed.’ Okay?”

At breakfast the next morning she said, “I want you to stay home from school today, sport. I’m going to need you to help me.”

“Gee, it’s the week before finals. Oh. I won’t be taking finals, will I? Or is it just the science exam I’m gonna miss?”

“You won’t be taking any of your finals. In fact, it’s possible you won’t be going back to school at all this year.”

“Really?”

“Breaks your heart, doesn’t it?” She took a bite of toast, a sip of tea. “At nine-fifteen I want to call the office and tell Rysbeck I’m not coming in. I hope they can issue a check right away. I’ve got sick leave and vacation time coming.”

“Are you quitting your job?”

“That’s right. Then we’re going to have to do something about the car. It’s not paid off, but I think it’s worth more than we owe on it. I’ll call Angert Motors and find out what I can do.”

“You’re selling the car?”

“Well, I can’t see to drive it, Thom, and you can’t drive for three more years yet, so I don’t see what good it is to us. I suppose we could knock the windows out and use it as a huge outdoor planter, but aside from that—”

“Mom.”

“What?”

“I’m a little worried.”

“Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For admitting it.”

“The thing is, I’m scared.”

“Okay.”

“I mean, don’t you think this is a little crazy? I mean, you’re going blind , like, and I don’t know how we’ll even be able to do anything if you can’t see. I mean, how will we get places if you can’t drive? How will you work, how will we have any money, how will you even fix dinner, I mean—”

“Take a breath.”

“It just seems so crazy! Like you want me to leave school now and miss finals. Two more weeks and school’s over, it’s vacation, so why can’t we wait until then? Doesn’t that make more sense?”

“I’m sure it does.”

“I mean, what’s the rush? I mean, why do we have to rush to pack up and go somewhere when you don’t even know where we’re going? If you really want to know, I think you’re acting crazy. That’s what I think.”

“I know it is, Thommy.”

“Mom, I didn’t mean it.”

“Sure you did. It’s okay.”

“No, I—”

“You meant every word of it, sweetie, and there’s nothing wrong with that.”

He rushed to her and his embrace was fierce. He said, “I don’t want us to go anywhere. I don’t want you to be blind. I don’t want any of this. It’s not fair .”

“I know.”

“I mean it. It’s not fair. It sucks.”

“I know.”

“I hate this. What’s so funny?”

“Oh, I was just thinking. The other day, when I tried to imagine telling you that I was going blind? I had this image of you jumping up and down and shouting, ‘Oh, goodie, we’ll be getting a dog!’”

“You’re terrible.”

“I know.”

“The good news is we’re getting a dog. The bad news is it’s a seeing-eye dog.”

“Some joke, huh?”

“You’re really terrible.”

“I know,” she said, stroking the blond hair, kneading the nape of the neck. “I’ll tell you what. Fix your terrible mother a cup of tea—”

“With or without cookie crumbs?”

“Without. And I’ll try to explain why everything’s so crazy and why it all has to happen so fast.”

“Okay.”

“I don’t know where to start. Okay . These pictures I’ve been seeing, these visions.”

“People walking on a highway.”

“That’s one of the themes, yes. It’s not just a batch of visually interesting images.”

“What do you mean?”

“What I mean is that it’s all part of something very big and very important. There’s a reason why I’m losing my eyesight and getting this other sight in its place. I’m being given an important part to play in something very big that’s happening.”

“What is it?”

She closed her eyes. “Things are happening very rapidly,” she said. “Everything is getting ready to change. I don’t understand it, but maybe I don’t have to understand it. I don’t understand electricity but when I turn the switch the light goes on.”

“Unless the bulb’s out.”

“All of a sudden,” she said, “things that used to be important don’t matter anymore. My work doesn’t matter. Your finals don’t matter; your whole education doesn’t matter. The car doesn’t matter. Whether or not I go blind doesn’t matter. Do you hear what I’m saying, Thommy? None of that stuff matters.”

“What does?”

“Going forward. Letting go of everything that’s not necessary. Thommy, I close my eyes and I see things, but I don’t see all of it. I know we have to leave here within the next couple of days. I want to make arrangements about this house and money and everything before then, but if I can’t handle any of it we’ll just walk away from it, because the important thing is to go. We’ll know more when we have to know more. You know what it’s like? It’s like driving at night. You can only see as far as the headlights reach, but you can go all the way across the country that way.”

“Not if we sell the car. Not if you can’t see to drive.”

“Oh, shit,” she said. “I’m not doing a good job of explaining this.”