Terry Pratchett - Thud

`With the trolls? That is-'

`No, with the city. A place inside the walls where the law doesn't run? His lordship won't accept that one.'

`You would not dare!'

`Look into my eyes,' said Vimes.

`There are far more dwarfs than there are watchmen,' said Ardent, but the amused expression had fled.

`So what you are telling me is that law is just a matter of numbers?' said Vimes. `I thought you dwarfs practically worshipped the idea of law. Is numbers all it is? I'll swear in more men, then. Trolls, too. They're citizens, just like me. Are you sure every dwarf is on your side? I'll raise the regiments. I'll have to. I know how things run in Llamedos and Uberwald, but they don't run like that here. One law, Mr Ardent. That's what we've got. If I let people slam their front door on it, I might as well shut down the Watch.'

Vimes walked to the doorway. `That's my offer. Now I'm going back to the Yard-'

`Wait!'

Ardent sat staring at the desktop, drumming his fingers on it.

`I do not have ... seniority here,' he said.

`Let me talk to your grags. I promise to rub out no words.'

`No. They will not talk to you. They do not talk to humans. They are waiting below. They had word of your arrival. They are frightened. They do not trust humans.'

Why?

`Because you are not dwarfs,' said Ardent. `Because you are ... a sort of dream.'

Vimes put his hands on the dwarf's shoulders. `Then let's go

downstairs, where you can talk to them about nightmares,' he said,

and you can point out which one is me.'

There was a long silence until Ardent said, `Very well. This is

under protest, you understand.'

`I'll be happy to make a note of that,' said Vimes. `Thank you for

your co-operative attitude.'

Ardent stood up and produced a ring of complex keys from his

robes.

Vimes tried to keep track of the journey, but it was hard. There

were twists and turns, in dim tunnels that all seemed alike.

There was not a trace of water anywhere. How far did the tunnels

go? How far down? How far out? Dwarfs mined through granite.

They could probably stroll through river mud.

In fact in most places the dwarfs hadn't so much mined as cleaned house, taking away the silt, tunnelling from one ancient, dripping room to another. And, somehow, the water went away.

There were things glittering, possibly magical, half seen in dark archways as they passed. And odd chanting. He knew dwarfish, in a `The axe of my aunt is in your head' kind of way, and it didn't sound like that at all. It sounded like short words rattled out at very high speed.

And with every turn he felt the anger coming back. They were being led in circles, were they? For no other reason than pique. Ardent forged ahead, leaving Vimes to blunder along behind and occasionally bump his head.

His temper was bubbling. This was nothing more than a bloody runaround! The dwarfs didn't care about the law, about him, about the world up above. They undermine our city and they don't obey our laws! There's been a damn murder. He admits it! Why am I putting up with this ... this stupid play-acting!

He was passing yet another tunnel mouth, but this one had a piece of board nailed across it. He pulled out his sword, yelled, `I wonder what's down here?', smashed the board and set off down the tunnel, with Angua following.

`Is this wise, sir?' she whispered, as they plunged along.

`No. But I'm up to here with Mr Ardent,' Vimes growled. `I tell you, another twisty tunnel and I'll be back here with the heavy mob, politics or not.'

`Calm down, sir!'

`Well, everything he says and does is an insult! It makes my blood boil!' said Vimes, striding onwards and ignoring the shouts of Ardent behind him.

`There's a door ahead, sir!'

`All right, I'm not blind! Just half blind!' Vimes snapped.

He reached out. The big round door had a wheel in its centre, and dwarf runes chalked all over it.

`Can you read them, sergeant?'

'Er. .. "Mortal Danger! Flooding! No Entry!"' said Angua. `More or less, sir. They're pressure doors. I've seen these used before in other mines.

`Chained shut, too,' said Vimes, reaching out. `Looks like solid iron- Ow!'

`Sir?'

`Gashed my hand on a nail!' Vimes rammed his hand into a pocket, where without fail Sybil saw to it that a clean handkerchief was lodged on a daily basis.

`A nail in an iron door, sir?' said Angua, looking closely.

`A rivet, then. Can't see a thing in this gloom. Why they-'

`You must follow me. This is a mine! There are dangers!' said Ardent, catching up with them.

`You still get flooding?' said Vimes.

`It is to be expected! We know how to cope! Now, stay close to me!'

`I'd be more inclined to do that, sir, if I thought we were taking a direct route!' said Vimes. `Otherwise I might look for short cuts!'

`We are nearly there, commander,' said Ardent, walking away. `Nearly there!'

Aimless and hopeless, the troll wandered ...

His name was Brick, although currently he couldn't remember this. His head ached. It really ached. It was der Scrape that did it. What did dey always say? When you sinkin' to where you was cookin' up Scrape you was so low even der cockroaches had to bend down to spitting on you?

Last night ... what had happenin'? What bits did he see, what

bits did he do, what bits in der thumpin', scaldin' cauldron of his brain were real? The bit with der giant woolly elephants, dey prob'ly weren't real. He was pretty sure there weren't any giant woolly elephants in dis city, 'cos if dere were, he would've seen 'em before, and dere'd be big steamin' turds in der streets an' similar, you wouldn't miss 'em ...

He was called Brick because he had been born in the city, and trolls, being made of metamorphorical rock, often take on the nature of the local rocks. His hide was a dirty orange, with a network of horizontal and vertical lines; if Brick stood up close to a wall, he was quite hard to see. But most people didn't see Brick anyway. He was the kind of person whose mere existence is an insult to all decent folk, in their opinion.

Dat mine wi' dem dwarfs, was dat real? You go an' find a place to lie down and watch der pretty pitchurs, suddenly you're in dis dwarf hole? That couldn'a bin real! Only ... word on der street was dat some troll had got into a dwarf hole, yeah, and everyone was lookin' for dat troll an' not to shake him by der han' ... Der word said der Breccia wanted to find out real hard, and by der sound of it dey were not happy. Not happy that some dwarf who'd been puttin' der bad word on the clans was offed by a troll? Were dey mad? Actually, it didn't matter if dey was mad or not, 'cos they had ways of asking questions dat didn't heal for months, so he better keepin' out dere way.

On der other hand ... a dwarf wouldn't know one troll from another, right? And no one else had seen him. So act normal, right? He'd be fine. He'd be fine. Anyway, it couldn'a bin him ...

It occurred to Brick - yeah, dat's my name, knew it all der time - that he still had a bit of the white powder at the bottom of the bag. All he needed to do now was find a startled pigeon and some alcohol, any alcohol at all, and he'd be fine. Yeah. Fine. Nothin' to worry about at all ...

Yeah.

When Vimes stepped out into the brilliant daylight the first thing he did was draw a deep breath. The second thing he did was draw his sword, wincing as his sore hand protested.

Fresh air, that was the stuff. He'd felt quite dizzy underground, and the tiny cut on his hand itched like mad. He'd better get Igor to take a look at it. You could probably catch anything in the muck down there.

Ah, that was better. He could feel himself cooling down. The air down there had made him feel really strange.