Terry Pratchett - Wintersmith

"I did a good job!"

"That's what I said."

"No," said Tiffany, still trembling. "You didn't."

"I've never held with skulls and suchlike," said Granny, ignoring this. "Artificial ones, at any rate. But Miss Treason—"

She stopped, and Tiffany saw her stare at the treetops.

"Is that him again?" she asked.

"No," said Granny, as if this were something to be disappointed about. "No, that's young Miss Hawkin. And Mrs. Letice Earwig. Didn't hang about, I see. And Miss Treason hardly cooled down." She sniffed. "Some people might have had the common decency not to snatch."

The two broomsticks landed a little way off. Annagramma looked nervous. Mrs. Earwig looked like she always did: tall, pale, very well dressed, wearing lots of occult jewelry and an expression that said you were slightly annoying her but she was being gracious enough not to let it show. And she always looked at Tiffany, when she ever bothered to look at her at all, as if Tiffany were some kind of strange creature that she didn't quite understand.

Mrs. Earwig was always polite to Granny, in a formal and chilly way. It made Granny Weatherwax mad, but that was the way of witches. When they really disliked one another, they were as polite as duchesses.

As the other two approached, Granny bowed low and removed her hat. Mrs. Earwig did the same thing, only the bow was a little lower.

Tiffany saw Granny glance up and then bow lower still, by about an inch.

Mrs. Earwig managed to go half an inch farther down.

Tiffany and Annagramma exchanged a hopeless glance over the straining backs. Sometimes this sort of thing could go on for hours.

Granny Weatherwax gave a grunt and straightened up. So did Mrs. Earwig, red in the face.

"Blessin's be upon our meetin'," said Granny in a calm voice. Tiffany winced. This was a declaration of hostilities. Yelling and prodding with the fingers was perfectly ordinary witch arguing, but speaking carefully and calmly was open warfare.

"How kind of you to greet us," said Mrs. Earwig.

"I hopes I sees you in good health?"

"I keep well, Miss Weatherwax." Annagramma shut her eyes. That was a kick in the stomach, by witch standards.

"It's Mistress Weatherwax, Mrs. Earwig," said Granny. "As I believes you know?"

"Why, yes. Of course it is. I am so sorry." These vicious blows having been exchanged, Granny went on: "I trust Miss Hawkin will find everything to her likin'."

"I'm sure that—" Mrs. Earwig stared at Tiffany, her face a question.

"Tiffany," said Tiffany helpfully.

"Tiffany. Of course. What a lovely name…. I'm sure that Tiffany has done her very best," said Mrs. Earwig. "However, we shall shrive and consecrate the cottage, in case of…influences."

I already scrubbed and scrubbed everything! Tiffany thought.

"Influences?" said Granny Weatherwax. Even the Wintersmith could not have managed a voice so icy.

"And disquieting vibrations," said Mrs. Earwig.

"Oh, I know about those," said Tiffany. "It's the loose floorboard in the kitchen. If you tread on it, it makes the dresser wobble."

"There has been talk of a demon," said Mrs. Earwig, gravely ignoring this. "And…skulls."

"But—" Tiffany began, and Granny's hand squeezed her shoulder so hard she stopped.

"Deary, deary me," said Granny, still holding on tightly. "Skulls, eh?"

"There are some very disturbing stories," said Mrs. Earwig, watching Tiffany. "Of the darkest nature, Mistress Weatherwax. I feel that the people in this steading have been very badly served, indeed. Dark forces have been unleashed."

Tiffany wanted to yell: No! It was all stories! It was all Boffo! She watched over them! She stopped their stupid arguments, she remembered their laws, she scolded their silliness! She couldn't do that if she was just a frail old lady! She had to be a myth! But Granny's grip kept her silent.

"Strange forces are certainly at work," said Granny Weatherwax. "I wish you well in your endeavors, Mrs. Earwig. If you will excuse me?"

"Of course, Mis—tress Weatherwax. May good stars attend you."

"May the road slow down to meet your feet," said Granny. She stopped gripping Tiffany so hard but nevertheless almost dragged her around the side of the cottage. The late Miss Treason's broomstick was leaning against the wall.

"Tie your stuff on quickly!" she commanded. "We must move!"

"Is he going to come back?" asked Tiffany, struggling to tie the sack and old suitcase onto the bristles.

"Not yet. Not soon, I think. But it will be looking for you. And it will be stronger. Dangerous to you, I believe, and those around you! You have such a lot to learn! You have such a lot to do!"

"I thanked him! I tried to be nice to him! Why is he still interested in me?"

"Because of the Dance," said Granny.

"I'm sorry about that!"

"Not good enough. What does a storm know of sorrow? You must make amends. Did you really think that space was left there for you? Oh, this is so tangled! How are your feet?"

Tiffany, angry and bewildered, stopped with one leg half over the stick.

"My feet? What about my feet?"

"Do they itch? What happens when you take your boots off?"

"Nothing! I just see my socks! What have my feet got to do with anything?"

"We shall find out," said Granny, infuriatingly. "Now, come along."

Tiffany tried to get the stick to rise, but it barely cleared the dead grass. She looked around. The bristles were covered with Nac Mac Feegles.

"Dinna mind us," said Rob Anybody. "We'll hold on tight!"

"An' dinna make it too bumpy, 'cuz I feel like the top o' mah heid's come off," said Daft Wullie.

"Do we get meals on this flight?" said Big Yan. "I'm fair boggin' for a wee drink."

"I can't take you all!" said Tiffany. "I don't even know where I'm going!"

Granny Weatherwax glared at the Feegles. "You'll have to walk. We're travelin' to Lancre Town. The address is Tir Nani Ogg, The Square."

"Tir Nani Ogg," said Tiffany. "Isn't that—?"

"It means Nanny Ogg's Place," said Granny, as Feegles dropped off the broomstick. "You'll be safe there. Well, more or less. But we must make a stop on the way. We must put that necklace as far away from you as we can. And I know how to do that! Oh, yes!"

The Nac Mac Feegle jogged through the afternoon woods. Local wildlife had found out about Feegles, so the fluffy woodland creatures had all dived for their burrows or climbed high into the trees, but after a while Big Yan called a halt and said: "There's somethin' trackin' us!"

"Don't be daft," said Rob Anybody. "There's nothin' left in these woods that's mad enough tae hunt Feegles!"

"I know what I'm sensin'," said Big Yan stubbornly. "I can feel it in my watter. There's somethin' creepin' up on us right noo!"

"Weel, I'm not one tae argue wi' a man's watter," said Rob wearily. "Okay, lads, spread oot inna big circle!"

Swords drawn, the Feegles spread out, but after a few minutes there was a general muttering. There was nothing to see, nothing to hear. A few birds sang, at a safe distance. Peace and quiet, unusual in the vicinity of Feegles, was everywhere.

"Sorry, Big Yan, but I'm thinkin' yer watter is no' on the button this time," said Rob Anybody.

It was at this point that Horace the cheese dropped from a branch onto his head.

A lot of water flowed under the big bridge at Lancre, but from up here you could barely see it because of the spray coming from the waterfalls a little farther on, spray that hovered in the freezing air. There was white water all through the deep gorge, and then the river leaped the waterfall like a salmon and hit the plains below like a thunderstorm. From the base of the falls you could follow the river all the way past the Chalk, but it moved in wide, lazy curves, and it was quicker to fly in a straight line.