Terry Pratchett: Witches Abroad

"Never used one of these things," she said. "You just sit on it and away you go?"

"With this one you have to be running quite fast before it takes off," said Granny, "but that's the general idea, yes."

"Hmm. Do you know the symbology of the broomstick?" said Lily.

"Is it anything to do with maypoles and folksongs and suchlike?" said Granny.

"Oh, yes."

"Then I don't want to hear about it."

"No," said Lily. "I imagine you don't."

She handed the stick back.

"I'm staying here," she said. "Mrs Gogol may have come up with a new trick, but that doesn't mean she has won."

"No. Things have come to an end, see," said Granny. "That's how it works when you turn the world into stories. You should never have done that. You shouldn't turn the world into stories. You shouldn't treat people like they was characters, like they was things. But if you do, then you've got to know when the story ends."

"You've got to put on your red-hot shoes and dance the night away?" said Lily.

"Somethin' like that, yes."

"While everyone else lives happily ever after?"

"I don't know about that," said Granny. "That's up to them. What I'm sayin' is, you're not allowed to go round one more time. You've lost."

"You know a Weatherwax never loses," said Lily.

"One of ‘em learns tonight," said Granny.

"But we're outside the stories," said Lily. "Me because I... am the medium through which they happen, and you because you fight them. We're the ones in the middle. The free ones –"

There was a sound behind them. The faces of Magrat and Nanny Ogg appeared over the top of the stairwell.

"You need any help, Esme?" said Nanny cautiously.

Lily laughed.

"Here's your little snakes, Esme."

"You know," she added, "you're really just like me. Don't you know that? There isn't a thought that's gone through my head that you haven't thought, too. There isn't a deed I've done that you haven't contemplated. But you never found the courage. That's the difference between people like me and people like you. We have the courage to do what you only dream of."

"Yes?" said Granny. "Is that what you think? You think I dream?"

Lily moved a finger. Magrat floated up out of the stairwell, struggling. She waved her wand frantically.

"That's what I like to see," said Lily. "People wishing. I never wished for anything in my life. I always made things happen. So much more rewarding."

Magrat gritted her teeth.

"I'm sure I wouldn't look good as a pumpkin, dear," said Lily. She waved a hand airily. Magrat rose.

"You'd be surprised at the things I can do," said Lily dreamily, as the younger witch drifted smoothly over the flagstones. "You should have tried mirrors yourself, Esme. It does wonders for a soul. I only let the swamp woman survive because her hate was invigorating. I do like being hated, you know. And you do know. It's a kind of respect. It shows you're having an effect. It's like a cold bath on a hot day. When stupid people find themselves powerless, when they fume in their futility, when they're beaten and they've got nothing but that yawning in the acid pit of their stomachs - well, to be honest, it's like a prayer. And the stories... to ride on stories... to borrow the strength of them... the comfort of them... to be in the hidden centre of them... Can you understand that? The sheer pleasure of seeing the patterns repeat themselves? I've always loved a pattern. Incidentally, if the Ogg woman continues to try to sneak up behind me I shall really let your young friend drift out over the courtyard and then, Esme, I might just lose interest."

"I was just walkin' about," said Nanny. "No law against it."

"You changed the story your way, and now I'm going to do it mine," said Lily. "And once again... all you have to do is go. Just go away. What happens here doesn't matter. It's a city far away of which you know little. I'm not totally certain I could out-trick you," she added, "but these two... they haven't got the right stuff in them. I could make jam of them. I hope you know that. So tonight, I suggest, a Weatherwax learns to lose?"

Granny stood silent for a while, leaning on her useless broom.

"All right. Put her down," she said. "And then I'll say you've won."

"I wish I could believe that," said Lily. "Oh... but you're the nice one, aren't you? You have to keep your word."

"Watch me," said Granny. She walked to the parapet and looked down. The two-faced moon was still bright enough to illuminate the billowing fogs that surrounded the palace like a sea.

"Magrat? Gytha?" she said. "Sorry about this. You've won, Lily. There ain't nothing I can do."

She jumped.

Nanny Ogg rushed forward and stared over the edge, just in time to see a dim figure vanish in the mists.

All three figures left on the tower took a deep breath.

"It's a trick," said Lily, "to get me off guard."

"It isn't!" screamed Magrat, dropping to the stones.

"She had her broomstick," said Lily.

"It don't work! It won't start!" shouted Nanny. "Right," she said, menacingly, striding towards the slim shape of Lily. "We'll soon wipe that smug look off your face - "

She halted as silver pain shot through her body.

Lily laughed.

"It's true, then?" she said. "Yes. I can see it in your faces. Esme was bright enough to know she couldn't win. Don't be stupid. And don't point that silly wand at me, Miss Garlick. Old Desiderata would have defeated me long ago if she could. People have no understanding."

"We ought to go down there," said Magrat. "She might be lying there - "

"That's it. Be good. It's what you're good at," said Lily, as they ran to the stairwell.

"But we'll be back," snarled Nanny Ogg. "Even if we have to live in the swamp with Mrs Gogol and eat snakes' heads!"

"Of course," said Lily, arching an eyebrow. "That's what I said. One needs people like you around. Otherwise one is never quite sure one is still working. It's a way of keeping score."

She watched them disappear down the steps.

A wind blew over the tower. Lily gathered up her skirts and walked to the end, where she could see the shreds of mist streaming over the rooftops far below. There were the faint strains of music from the distant carnival dance as it wound its way through the streets.

It would soon be midnight. Proper midnight, not some cut-price version caused by an old woman crawling around in a clock.

Lily tried to see through the murk to the bottom of the tower.

"Really, Esme," she murmured, "you did take losing hard."

Nanny reached out and restrained Magrat as they ran down the spiral stairs.

"Slow down a bit, I should," she said.

"But she could be hurt -!"

"So could you, if you trip. Anyway," said Nanny, "I don't reckon Esme is lyin' in a crumpled heap somewhere. That's not the way she'd go. I reckon she did it just to make sure Lily forgot about us and wouldn't try anything on us. I reckon she thought we were - what was that Tsortean bloke who could only be wounded if you hit ‘im in the right place? No-one ever beat ‘im until they found out about it. His knee, I think it was. We're her Tsortean knee, right?"

"But we know you have to run really fast to get her broomstick going!" shouted Magrat.

"Yeah, I know," said Nanny. "That's what I thought. And now I'm thinking... how fast do you go when you're dropping? I mean, straight down?"

"I... don't know," said Magrat.

"I reckon Esme thought it was worth findin' out," said Nanny. "That's what I reckon."

A figure appeared around the bend in the stairs, plodding upwards. They stood aside politely to let it pass.

"Wish I could remember what bit of him you had to hit," Nanny said. "That's going to be nagging at me all night, now."

THE HEEL.

"Right? Oh, thanks."