"We only need the girl up and running," Simon said. "So I'll ask you this just once, do you know Van Cleef?"
I stood there, not sure what to do. We were so totally covered by the guns, and the priority had to be getting the children out. So no heroics until they were safe. If we died, I wasn't a hundred percent sure that Bernardo and Olaf would risk their lives to get them out. So I stood there and looked at Edward kneeling on the porch, waiting for him to give me some kind of sign what I was supposed to do.
Edward looked up at Simon. "Yes."
"Yes, what, asshole?"
"Yes, I know Van Cleef."
Simon smiled broadly, obviously happy with himself. "Boys, this is the Undertaker, the man that still has the highest body count of anyone Van Cleef ever trained."
I felt, rather than saw, the two men twitch. The information not only made sense to them, but it scared them. It made them afraid of Edward. Who the hell was Van Cleef, and when had he trained Edward, and for what? I wanted to know the answers, but not badly enough to ask. Later, if we survived, I'd ask Edward. Maybe he'd even tell me.
"I don't know you," Edward said.
"I came in just after you left," Simon said.
"Simon?" Edward made the name a question, and the big man seemed to understand what was being asked.
"As in whatever the fuck Simon says, you damn well better do."
How colorful, I thought, but didn't say out loud.
"Can I get up now?" Edward asked.
"If you can stand, then help yourself."
Edward got to his feet. If it hurt, it didn't show. His face was empty, eyes like bits of pale blue ice. I'd seen him kill with that face.
Simon's smile faltered around the edges. "You're supposed to be one mean son of a bitch."
"Van Cleef never said I was mean." He sounded very sure of that.
Simon's smile disappeared altogether. "No, he didn't. He said you were dangerous."
"What would Van Cleef say about you?" Edward asked.
"Same thing," Simon said.
"I doubt that," Edward said.
They looked at each other, and there was a weight and a testing like something nearly visible in the air between them. Muscle Man's nerve broke first. "Where the hell is Deuce with the wand?"
Simon blinked, and switched very cold brown eyes to the man behind me. "Shut up, Mickey."
Mickey? It didn't have quite the ring to it that the other nicknames did. Of course, Simon hadn't sounded too tough until it was explained.
"Van Cleef didn't recognize her picture."
"No reason he should," Edward said.
"The newspapers call her the Executioner."
"That's what the vampires call her."
"Why do they call her that?"
"Why do you think?"
Simon looked at me. "How many vampire kills you got, bitch?"
If I had a chance tonight, I was going to teach Simon some manners, but not right now. "I don't know exactly."
"Guess."
I thought about it. "I stopped keeping track around thirty."
Simon laughed. "Hell, every man on this porch has more kills than that."
More kills than thirty? Who the hell were these guys? I shrugged. "I didn't know it was a competition."
"Did you count the human kills?" Edward asked.
I shook my head. "He asked about vampire kills, not human."
"Add those in," he said.
That was harder. "Eleven, twelve maybe."
"Forty-three," Simon said, "you got Mickey beat, but not Rooster." Apparently, Rooster was Glasses.
"Add in the shapeshifters," Edward said.
It had turned into a competition. I wasn't really sure that I wanted to seem as dangerous as I really was, but I trusted Edward's judgment. "Oh, hell, Edward, I don't know." I started counting in my head. Finally, I said, "Seven."
"So fifty," he said.
Just hearing it out loud made me want to cringe. It sounded so Psychos'R'Us.
"I've still got you beat, bitch," Simon said.
He was beginning to get on my nerves. "The fifty only counts the people I did personally with a weapon."
"You mean it doesn't count the ones you killed barehanded?" He smiled when he said it, like he didn't believe it.
"No, I counted those."
The smile got positively condescending. "Then what didn't you count, little bitch."
"Witches, necromancers, things like that."
"Why not count them?" This from Mickey.
I shrugged.
"Because using magic to kill is an automatic death sentence," Edward said.
I frowned at him. "I never said anything about magic."
"We aren't friends," Simon said, "but you can be honest tonight, bitch. We won't tell the cops. Will we, boys?" He laughed and they laughed with him, with that same sort of nervous mirth that Itzpapalotl's vampires had had, like they were afraid not to laugh.
I shrugged. "Most of the fifty are sanctioned kills. The cops already know about them."
"You ever been on trial?" This from the until now silent Rooster.
"No."
"Fifty legal kills," Simon said.
"Give or take," I said.
Simon looked at Edward. They had another one of those weighted staring contests.
"Would Van Cleef like her?"
"Yes, but she wouldn't like him."
"Why not?"
"She's not big on orders and listening to people just because they've got an extra stripe on their shoulder."
"Not disciplined," Simon said.
"She's disciplined. You just got to have more than rank to get her to listen to you."
"She listens to you," Simon said. "She didn't want to talk about her kills, but she took your lead."
His saying that meant Simon was very observant, too observant for comfort actually. I'd underestimated him. Stupid of me. No, not stupid, careless.
Another man came up with the identical gun in his hands. He was just shy of six foot, but seemed smaller, delicate somehow. The hair was a deep brown, cut short, curly. The face was pretty in a girlish kind of way. His skin was that dark tan that isn't really tan at all. He had a set of small headphones around his neck, with wires connecting them to a metal box and a small flat … wand attached with a cord to the box. It had to be Deuce and the wand.
I didn't know what it was, but Edward went very still. He knew what it was, and he didn't like it. Not a good sign.
"Where the fuck have you been?" Mickey said.
"Mickey," Simon said, and he said 'Mickey' the way that Edward could say 'Olaf' and get perfect obedience. There was no more comment from the backup players. Simon looked at Deuce. "Do it."
Deuce slipped the headphones on, hit a switch and some knobs on the box, and a light went on on the box. He got a distracted inward look on his face as if he were listening to things we couldn't hear. He started at Edward's hat and worked down, hesitated over the chest area, then continued the sweep. He knelt on the ground beside Edward and waved the wand up the backside of Edward. He was careful to stay out of the line of fire of all three guns. His own gun was on a sling that he pushed far behind his back, keeping it out of the way with a well-placed elbow as he moved.
He stood, slipped the headphones off, and unplugged them from the box. "Listen to this." He waved the wand over Edward's chest. It beeped frantically.
"Take off the shirt," Simon said.
Edward didn't argue, He unbuttoned the shirt and handed it to Deuce, who waved the wand over it. The thing stayed silent.
Deuce waved the wand over Edward's chest again, and the wand beeped. He ran the wand over the shirt in his hand, no noise. Deuce shook his head.
"The undershirt," Simon said.
Edward had to take his hat off. He handed it to me, then lifted the undershirt over his head. The Kevlar looked very artificial and white. He handed the undershirt to Deuce, and we went through the same routine again.
"Take the vest off," Simon said.
"Tell me one thing first," Edward asked. "Are the kids all right?"
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