Лорел Гамильтон - The Harlequin

«He was raped,» I said.

«It's still sex. Everyone likes to pretend that it's not, but it is. It may be about dominance, and pain, but it's still sex. I'd take it away, make it so it never happened, but I can't. Donna can't. His therapist can't. Peter can't.»

My eyes were burning. Damn it, I would not cry. But I remembered a fourteen-year-old boy who I'd had to watch be abused on camera. They'd done it so I'd do what they wanted. Done it to prove that if I failed them, I wouldn't be the one who suffered. I had failed Peter. I had saved him, but not in time. I had got him out, but not before.

«I can't save him, Anita.»

«We already saved him, as much as we can, Edward.»

«No, you saved him.»

I realized in that one statement that Edward blamed himself, too. We'd both failed him, then. «You were saving Becca at the time.»

«Yes, but what that bitch did to Peter is still happening. It's still inside him, in his eyes. I can't fix it.» His hands clenched into fists. «I can't fix it.»

I touched his arm. He flinched but didn't pull away. «You don't fix shit like this, Edward, not outside television sitcoms. In real life you don't fix this. You can make it better, you can heal, but it doesn't just go away. Real life doesn't fix that easy.»

«I'm his father, or all the father he has. If I don't fix it, who can?»

«No one,» I said. I shook my head. «Sometimes you just accept your losses and move on. Peter's scarred, but he's not broken beyond repair. I've talked to him on the phone, I've looked in his eyes. I see the person he's becoming, and it's a strong person, a good person.»

«Good.» He laughed and it was a harsh sound. «I can only teach him what I am, and I'm not good.»

«Honorable then,» I said.

He thought about that, then nodded. «Honorable. I'll take that, I guess.»

«Strong and honorable is not a bad legacy, Edward.»

He looked at me. «Legacy, huh?»

«Yeah.»

«I shouldn't have brought Peter.»

«No, you shouldn't have.»

«His skills aren't a good match for this job,» he said.

«No,» I said, «they aren't.»

«You can't send him home, Anita.»

«You'd really rather see him dead than humiliated?»

«If you humiliate him, it will destroy him, Anita. It will destroy that part of him that wants to save people and not hurt them. If he gives up that part of himself, I'm afraid that all that will be left is a predator in training.»

«Why do I feel like you're leaving out stuff?»

«Because this is the short version, remember?»

I nodded, then shook my head. «Jesus, Edward, if this is the short version, I'm not sure my nerves can take the long one.»

«We'll keep Peter in the background, as much as we can. I've got more backup on the way, but I'm not sure they'll get here in time.» He glanced at his watch. «We're running out of time.»

«Let's do this.»

«With Peter and Olaf?» He made it a question.

«He's your kid, and Olaf is good in a fight. If Olaf gets out of hand, we kill him.»

Edward nodded. «My thought, exactly.»

I wanted to let it go, God knew I did, but I couldn't. I was a girl and I couldn't let it go. «Did you say that Peter was in love with me?»

«I wondered if you'd heard that.»

«I understand why he has a crush on me, I guess. I saved him. You hero-worship someone who saves you.»

«It may be a crush, or hero worship, but remember, Anita, that it's the strongest emotion he's ever had for a woman. It may not be love, but if you've never felt anything stronger, how do you tell the difference?»

The answer was, you don't. I just didn't like that answer, not one little bit.

chapte r28 Laurell K. Hamilton The Harlequin Book 15 of the Anita Blake Vampire Hunter Series To Jonathon, who never freaks about my choice of research. He took away my serial killer books, at my request. When I was ready he gave them back. He's helping me understand that just because someone else thinks you're a monster doesn't mean you are. Even if that person says they love you. Here's to finding love that builds you up, instead of breaking you down. ACKNOWLEDGMENTS To the Staff: Darla, Chief Operations Officer, and Lauretta, who assists her; Sherry, Chief Domestic Officer, and Teresa, who assists her; Mary, Comptroller and Grandma extraordinaire; and Charles aka Gru, Chief Security Officer. For those who are wondering, Jon's official title is Chief Information Officer. Merrilee Heifitz, my agent, who has worked hard as we've pushed boundaries and entered new territory. To Bev Leveto, thanks for your wonderful donation to Granite City. Hope you enjoy being a victim in this book. To everyone at DBPro and Marvel, who helped bring Anita to life in the comic-book world. Special thanks to Les and Ernst Dabel for being gentle. Extra special thanks to our artist, Brett Booth, who did an amazing job and listened. As always thanks to my writing group: Tom Drennan, Deborah Millitello, Rett MacPherson, Marella Sands, Sharon Shinn, and Mark Sumner. You guys help keep me going. contents Laurell K. Hamilton The Harlequin Book 15 of the Anita Blake Vampire Hunter Series To Jonathon, who never freaks about my choice of research. He took away my serial killer books, at my request. When I was ready he gave them back. He's helping me understand that just because someone else thinks you're a monster doesn't mean you are. Even if that person says they love you. Here's to finding love that builds you up, instead of breaking you down. ACKNOWLEDGMENTS To the Staff: Darla, Chief Operations Officer, and Lauretta, who assists her; Sherry, Chief Domestic Officer, and Teresa, who assists her; Mary, Comptroller and Grandma extraordinaire; and Charles aka Gru, Chief Security Officer. For those who are wondering, Jon's official title is Chief Information Officer. Merrilee Heifitz, my agent, who has worked hard as we've pushed boundaries and entered new territory. To Bev Leveto, thanks for your wonderful donation to Granite City. Hope you enjoy being a victim in this book. To everyone at DBPro and Marvel, who helped bring Anita to life in the comic-book world. Special thanks to Les and Ernst Dabel for being gentle. Extra special thanks to our artist, Brett Booth, who did an amazing job and listened. As always thanks to my writing group: Tom Drennan, Deborah Millitello, Rett MacPherson, Marella Sands, Sharon Shinn, and Mark Sumner. You guys help keep me going. chapte r30 Laurell K. Hamilton The Harlequin Book 15 of the Anita Blake Vampire Hunter Series To Jonathon, who never freaks about my choice of research. He took away my serial killer books, at my request. When I was ready he gave them back. He's helping me understand that just because someone else thinks you're a monster doesn't mean you are. Even if that person says they love you. Here's to finding love that builds you up, instead of breaking you down. ACKNOWLEDGMENTS To the Staff: Darla, Chief Operations Officer, and Lauretta, who assists her; Sherry, Chief Domestic Officer, and Teresa, who assists her; Mary, Comptroller and Grandma extraordinaire; and Charles aka Gru, Chief Security Officer. For those who are wondering, Jon's official title is Chief Information Officer. Merrilee Heifitz, my agent, who has worked hard as we've pushed boundaries and entered new territory. To Bev Leveto, thanks for your wonderful donation to Granite City. Hope you enjoy being a victim in this book. To everyone at DBPro and Marvel, who helped bring Anita to life in the comic-book world. Special thanks to Les and Ernst Dabel for being gentle. Extra special thanks to our artist, Brett Booth, who did an amazing job and listened. As always thanks to my writing group: Tom Drennan, Deborah Millitello, Rett MacPherson, Marella Sands, Sharon Shinn, and Mark Sumner. You guys help keep me going. I HADN'T RECOGNIZED Peter at first, because he'd done that growth spurt thing that teenage boys do sometimes. He'd been a little taller than me when I last saw him. Now he was damn close to six feet. His hair had been chestnut brown last time I saw him; now it was darker, a brown that was almost black. It wasn't a dye job, just a child's hair darkening to the color it would be as an adult. His shoulders had broadened, and he looked older than sixteen if you looked only at muscle development, but the face, the face hadn't caught up to the body. The face still looked young, unfinished, until you hit the eyes. The eyes were young one minute and cynical and old as hell the next. It would have been unnerving enough to see Peter under these circumstances, but Edward's little talk hadn't helped my nerves at all. It made me look for signs that Peter was what Edward feared, a junior predator. If I hadn't had Edward's warning in my head, would I have noticed that look, that gesture? Would I have scrutinized him, trying to see the damage? Maybe. But I cursed Edward for oversharing, cursed him loud and long in my head.