Лорел Гамильтон - The Harlequin

I finally stood up with bra and panties in hand. I started to put them on the pile, but caught Graham's look. I'd picked a red bra to go under the red shirt. It was one of the thinner red baby-doll tees, so I'd picked something that wouldn't show through. The bra and panties were both red satin. The bra was a push-up bra because it got my breasts up and out of the way of my shoulder holster, or rather out of the way of drawing the gun. A moment ago I hadn't thought a thing about it. I'd picked what worked under the shirt. Now, I was suddenly very aware that the underwear was nice underwear.

I met Graham's eyes, and there was such heat in them. It was written all over his face that he wanted to see me in the bra and panties. Bare on his face, in his eyes, that he'd give a great deal to see me in the lingerie, and do something about it.

Heat washed up my face. I blushed embarrassingly easily sometimes. This was one of those times. If he'd been one of my boyfriends, I'd have reacted to that look, that demand. We could have gone into the bathroom and let that heat wash over both of us, maybe. But he wasn't my boyfriend, and his wanting to fuck me wasn't enough reason for me to fuck him. When I'd had the pregnancy scare last month, the fact that I hadn't had sex with Graham, that he wasn't on the maybe-daddy list, had filled me with such relief that I knew he wasn't going to be one of my sweeties. The pregnancy scare had put a lot of things in perspective. I was now back to looking at men thinking, if I got pregnant by accident, how big a disaster would it be? Maybe a few months from now I wouldn't be so freaked, and that wouldn't be a question that I thought of so strongly. Then again, maybe it still would be. I had had a false positive on a pregnancy test. It had scared the hell out of me.

I looked up into his face. He was handsome. There was nothing wrong with him, exactly, but I still remembered how happy I was that he wasn't on the list of men who might have made me pregnant. If you get knocked up, it should be by someone who's at least a good friend, and Graham wasn't even that. He was my bodyguard, and he'd been emergency food, but he wasn't my friend. He wanted to fuck me too badly to be my friend. Any man who would rather have sex with you than anything else is never going to be your friend. Friends want what's best for you more than they want sex. Graham's priorities were there on his face, in his eyes, in the tension of his body as he held my clothes.

«You're blushing,» he said, and his voice sounded hoarse.

I nodded and looked down, away from that look. Maybe the blushing would stop if I wasn't meeting his eyes.

He touched my face, the barest tips of his fingers on my chin. «After everything I've seen you do with all the other men, you're blushing because I'm looking too hard at you.» His voice was softer now.

«You think I can't be embarrassed, because I'm a whore.»

«Not true.» He tried to turn my face up to his. I stepped back from him so he couldn't touch my face.

«Isn't it?» I asked, and this time the face I gave him held the beginnings of anger.

«I see you with the other men and I want you—why is that wrong? I've watched you have sex with multiple men while I'm in the room. What am I supposed to think?»

«Oh, Graham.» This from Clay. He'd stayed on the far side of the room, out of it, but those two words let me know that Clay got it. Clay understood the mistake that Graham had just made.

«I can fix that, Graham.»

«Fix what?»

«Fix it so you're not conflicted anymore about me.»

«What are you talking about?» The fact that he hadn't realized where I was going was also a point against him. He wasn't a quick thinker.

«You're off my detail.»

He clutched the clothes to his oh-so-broad chest. «What do you mean?»

«I can't guarantee that the ardeur won't get out of hand and I'll lose control enough to fuck in front of my guards again. Since it bothers you so much, Graham, I can fix it so you never have to watch again.»

«I don't…«The first hint of unhappiness came over him. He finally saw where we were going.

«You are off my detail. Put my clothes in the bathroom on the edge of the sink and go find Remus or Claudia. Tell them that you need to be replaced. I'm sure that there are places you can guard that will be far enough away from me.»

«Anita, I didn't mean it the way…»

«The way it sounded,» I finished for him. «Yeah, you did.»

«Please, Anita, please, I…»

«Put the clothes in the bathroom and go tell someone that you need to be replaced. Do it now.»

He looked behind him at Clay. Clay put his hands up in a push-away gesture, as if to say, Don't look at me .

«This isn't fair,» Graham said.

«What are you, five? Fair, fuck fair. You just said out loud that watching me fuck other men makes you want to fuck me. I can fix that. You don't have to watch anymore.»

«Do you really think any man who's watched you fuck someone didn't want to be that man? All of us think the same thing. I'm just honest about it.»

I looked across the room at Clay. «That true, Clay?»

«Oh, please, do not drag me into this.»

I gave him a hard look.

He sighed. «No, actually, that's not how all of us feel. For myself, I'm scared shitless of your idea of sex. The ardeur scares me.»

«How can you say that?» Graham asked. He turned toward the other man with my clothes still clutched in his big arms.

«Because it's the truth, Graham, and if you would think with something higher than your belt buckle you'd be scared, too.»

«Scared of what?» Graham said. «It's the most mind-blowing sex that any vampire line can give a mortal. I've had more of a taste of it than you have. Trust me, Clay, if she'd ever fed off you, even a little, you'd want more.»

«That's exactly what scares me,» Clay said.

I had a thought, a bad one. I had fed on Graham in small ways when the ardeur was new. I'd given him the smallest taste of it that I could. We had never been naked together. We had never touched each other in any area that was considered sexual. But just because I thought it hadn't been enough contact to addict him to the ardeur didn't mean I was right. The ardeur could act like a drug, and I'd learned through some of the vampires that how easily addicted to it you were varied from person to person. Had I addicted Graham to the ardeur without meaning to? Was his reaction to me my fault? Shit.

Graham turned back to me with my clothes crushed against his chest. He looked panic stricken. «Please, Anita, please, don't do this. I'm sorry, okay, I'm sorry.» His eyes glittered through the fringe of his hair. I think he was on the verge of tears. I was reminded that he was under twenty-five by a few years. He was so physically big that sometimes you forgot how young he was. We were only about four or five years apart, but his eyes showed that he was younger than I had been at the same age. I wanted to touch his arm, comfort him, apologize to him. Tell him I hadn't meant this to happen. But I was afraid to touch him. I was afraid I'd make things worse somehow.

«Graham,» and my voice sounded gentle, a voice for soothing frightened children and ledge jumpers, «I need you to find Remus or Claudia and bring them to me, okay? I need to talk to them about some of the things that happened last night. Can you do that for me? Can you find one of them and bring them to me?»

He swallowed hard enough that it sounded painful. «You won't kick me off your detail?»

«No,» I said.

He nodded too fast, too often, over and over. He actually started for the door with my clothes still in his hands. It was Clay who took the clothes from him. When the door closed behind him, Clay turned to me. We stared at each other.