Лорел Гамильтон - A Kiss Of Shadows

"I'm sorry, Gran. I just can't eat when I'm nervous."

"I'm not offended, Merry, just practical." She gestured, and the door opened to the small hallway and the stairs beyond. The plates with food began trooping out the door.

"What purpose would it serve to have Galen and me executed?" I asked.

The plates were still making their uneven dance out the door, but she turned to me without missing a beat or spilling anything. "You might rather ask what purpose would it serve if the queen's ring were found wrapped around a love spell designed for you."

"But it wasn't designed for me. It could have been anyone in the backseat of the car."

"I don't think so," Gran said. She took my hand and traced the silver band. It didn't respond to her touch as it had to Galen's. "This is the queen's ring, and you are the queen's blood. But for an accident of birth order, Essus might have been king. You would already be queen, and not Andais. It would be your cousin Cel who was second in line to the throne, and not you."

"Father never approved of how Andais ran the court."

"I know there were those who urged him to kill his sister and take the throne," Gran said.

I didn't try and hide the surprise. "I didn't think that was commonly known."

"Why do you think he was killed, Merry? Someone got nervous that Essus might take the advice and start a civil war."

I gripped her hand. "Do you know who ordered him killed?"

She shook her head. "If I did, child, I would have told you by now. I was not a part of either court's machinations. I was tolerated, nothing much more."

"Father did more than tolerate you," I said.

"Ah, that he did. He gave me the great gift of being allowed to watch you grow from child to woman. I will always be grateful for that."

I smiled. "So will I."

Gran sat up straighter, hands clasped in her lap-a sure sign she was uncomfortable. "If your mother could only have seen his goodness, but she was blinded by the fact that he was Unseelie. I knew it would come to grief allowing herself to be part of a peace treaty. King Taranis used Besaba as chattel. It wasn't right."

"Mother wanted to wed a prince of the Seelie Court. None of them would touch her, because no matter how tall and beautiful she was, they were afraid to take her to their beds. Afraid they'd mingle their so pure blood with hers. They wouldn't sully themselves with her, not after her twin sister, Eluned, got pregnant after just one night with Artagan, trapping him in a marriage."

Gran nodded. "Your mother always thought that Eluned had ruined her chances for a Seelie marriage."

"She did," I said. "Especially after their daughter was born, and she… " I looked at Gran's face. "Looked like you." I reached out to her as I said it.

She took my hand. "I know what the Seelie think of my looks, child. I know what my other granddaughter thinks of the family likeness."

"Mother went with my father because King Taranis promised her a royal lover when she returned. Three years among the unclean, unholy, Unseelie Court, and she could come back and claim a Seelie lover. I don't think she expected to get pregnant in the first year."

"Which made the temporary arrangement permanent," Gran said.

I nodded. "That's why I'm Besaba's Bane at the Seelie Court. My birth tied her to the Unseelie Court. She always resented me for that."

Gran shook her head. "Your mother is my daughter and I love her, but she is very… confused at times about who she loves and why."

I was actually thinking that maybe my mother loved no one but her own ambition, but I didn't say it out loud. Gran was, after all, her mother.

The afternoon sun was low and heavy. "I need to check into my hotel and get dressed for the festivities."

Gran touched my arm. "You should be staying here."

"No, and you know why."

"I've put wards on my house and my grounds."

"Wards that can withstand the Queen of Air and Darkness? Or whoever else may be trying to kill me? I don't think so." I hugged Gran, and her thin arms wrapped around me, pressing me against her with a strength that should never have been held in such a delicate body.

"Have a care tonight, Merry. I could not bear to lose you."

I stroked a hand through that wonderful hair and saw over her shoulder a photograph. It was a picture of her and Uar the Cruel, her one-time husband. He was tall and muscular. They'd had to sit him in a chair and had her stand beside him. She had a hand on his shoulder. His hair fell around him like golden waves. His suit was black with a white shirt, nothing remarkable. Nothing remarkable but his face. He was… very fair of face. His eyes were circles of blue within blue. He was outwardly everything a woman, fey or human, could want. But he wasn't called "the cruel" just because he'd fathered three monstrous sons.

He'd beaten my grandmother because she was ugly. Because she wasn't royal. Because she bore him twin daughters, and that meant that unless she agreed to end it, their marriage was forever. With Gran and Uar, they weren't kidding about forever.

She had only granted him a fey version of a divorce three years ago when I left the court. I'd wondered at the time if Gran had given him the divorce in exchange for him intervening on my behalf with Andais. He was powerful, and Andais respected that power. I'm not saying Uar threatened her. No, that would have been unwise. But he might have suggested that they let me go my own way for a time.

I'd never asked. I drew away from her and looked into those large brown eyes, so like my mother's. "Why did you grant him the divorce three years ago? Why then?"

"Because it was time, child, time to let him go."

"He didn't talk to Andais on my behalf, did he? That wasn't the price of his freedom from you, was it?"

She laughed loud and long. "Child, child, do you really think that old stuffed bucket would talk to the Queen of Air and Darkness? He's still not recovered from the embarrassment that his three sons were kicked out of his court and forced to become Andais's people."

I nodded. "My cousins are really not that bad. Modern surgical gloves are so thin it's almost like wearing nothing at all. They don't accidentally poison people by their touch anymore."

Gran hugged me again. "But poison coming from your hands does prevent you from being a blooded royal guard, doesn't it?"

"Well… yeah. But as long as you avoid the blood royal, there are women who are willing."

"In the Unseelie court I could believe it."

I looked at her.

She had the grace to look embarrassed. "I'm sorry, Merry. That was quite uncalled for on my part. I apologize. I should know better than most that there isn't that much to choose from between the two courts."

"I need to get to the hotel, Gran."

She walked me to the door, arm around my waist. "You be careful tonight, child, very careful."

"I will be." We stood staring at each other for a second or two, but what could we say. What can you ever say? "I love you, Gran."

"And I you, child." There were tears in those lovely brown eyes. She kissed me with those thin lips that had always touched me with more gentleness and love than my mother's beautiful face or lily white hands. Her tears were hot against my cheek. Her hands clung to me as I began to walk down the stairs. We tore away from each other, fingertips trembling in a last touch.

I glanced back many times to watch that small brown figure at the top of the stairs. They say not to look back, but if you're not sure what lies ahead, what else is there but looking back?

THE HOTEL HAD ALL THE CHARM OF A FRESHLY OPENED BOX OF KLEENEX. Functional, somewhat decorative, but it was still a generic hotel with all the sameness that that implied.

We stepped through the lobby doors, Barinthus and Galen carrying my suitcases. I had the carry-on bag. I preferred to carry my own weapons, not that I thought I'd be able to get them out in time to use them if the gun and knife failed me, but it was good to have them close.