Marilu Mann - Changing Focus

A honk from outside interrupted him and Olivia didn’t wait for him to finish. She couldn’t hear him say those words. If she did, she might stay. Instead, she grabbed her luggage and fled as though the hounds of hell were at her heels.

Micah didn’t follow her to the car although she half expected him to. Or hoped. No, not hoped. That implied she wanted to stay and she couldn’t. She wouldn’t trust what was inside her ever again. Leaning back against the vinyl seats, Olivia gave in to the tears she’d held back in front of Micah. She was leaving the man she loved-the child who had stolen her heart when she wasn’t looking. She was leaving the only real home she’d ever found.

Micah stood in the lifeless kitchen until he could no longer hear the motor. Until he was sure he wouldn’t shift and chase her down to drag her back. The savage beast wailing inside him begged him to go after his mate. He had to resist. She had made her choice. Now he had to piece his shattered world back together.

Setting himself to start breakfast, Micah turned to the coffeepot and caught a movement from the doorway.

“Micah? Is everything okay?”

Gareth’s voice carried compassion. Micah knew he knew everything wasn’t okay. Lifting his head, he stared at his friend.

“She’s gone.” The stark words raked razors down his throat but they had to be said-had to be released so he could begin to deal with the loss of his mate.

“I know, Micah. I knew when I hit the door. You want to talk about it or do you want it to be business as usual? Your call.”

The unexpected sympathy knocked Micah off balance. He sought for control as he took a breath and sent the unsteadiness deep into his soul where he could deal with it later.

“What do you have for me, Gareth?”

Gareth read him a few messages that had come in on the answering service, then dove into some repairs some of the cabins needed. Micah tried his best to focus, but couldn’t.

“Sorry, Gareth.” Micah’s words halted Gareth’s seemingly unending litany of things to do. “I know I said business, but I can’t focus. I’m going for a run. Will you keep an eye out for Talia? She should be up soon.”

Not waiting for a response, Micah shed his clothes on the way out. He knew it was irresponsible but he also knew Gareth would pick them up. Right now he didn’t care about fair or right or anything other than running until the pain was gone. He thought he might have to run until he collapsed for that to happen.

He found no joy in the wind whipping past him because there was no sunlight-coated female at his side. That brief moment of joy seemed long gone in the face of this emptiness. Tilting his head, he gave voice to the grief he felt as snow whipped past his churning paws. Answering howls told him his Pack heard but wouldn’t interfere. They grieved with him even though he didn’t accept his place as Alpha and even though they didn’t know the true source of his grief. The thought humbled him.

Racing against the loss was a losing battle and Micah finally admitted that to himself. He slowed to a lope and turned back for the lodge. Talia. He had to let Talia know. Then he had to convince Olivia of what he knew to be the truth.

He could no more live without Olivia than be without his true nature. She’d just have to get used to him and Talia being around. He had to go to New York to convince her to come back to them. He and Talia needed Olivia.

With the lodge in sight, Micah trotted into the barn to shift and dress. He always kept spare clothing in there. Talia was a shifter but she was still a little girl. No need to educate her on the niceties of the human male form just yet. He slid into jeans and a sweatshirt then braided his hair back off his face.

Gareth met him in the barn. “Micah, we need to talk about those messages.”

Catching a different scent on Gareth, Micah challenged him. “You’ve been running with another Pack? What is this? Don’t talk to me about business, Gareth. Who do I smell on you?”

Head turned and eyes down, the other man stuttered, “It’s not what you think. They aren’t Pack. They’re wild. I ran with them just to feel…” His voice trailed off.

“Dammit, Gareth, how many times have we talked about this? This Pack doesn’t care about your scars. I won’t allow it. You know that.”

Gareth’s voice weighed heavy with pain. “You won’t allow it, Micah? That’s great. Don’t you see? They don’t accept me for who I am. They accept me for who you are . That’s not a Pack. That’s pity. And it’s not what I miss, what I want or what I need.”

Slashing his hand down, Gareth turned his back to Micah. Shoulders sagging, he whispered, “Like you, I grew up in a Pack, Micah. I’ve only ever lived with other shifters. Now none of them will accept me. Even the kids are scared of me. You saw how Talia was at first. It wasn’t until you told her not to be scared that she even came near me. Dammit, Micah, can’t you see? I have no place in this world that you haven’t made for me as Alpha of this Pack.”

It was automatic. “I’m not Alpha, Gareth. And they would accept you if you would let them get to know you. You’re practically a lone wolf now. And you know the Pack definitely won’t allow that.”

Gareth laughed bitterly. “I’m the lone one? You just told me for about the hundredth time that you aren’t my Alpha. So how can you speak for this Pack? How can you stand there and tell me what they will and won’t accept? Until you take your rightful place as our leader, as our Alpha, Micah, you have no right to tell me mine.”

Turning on his heel, Gareth faced Micah and looked him in the eye. “Yeah, Micah, I mean that. I’m not challenging you, we both know that would be total stupidity on my part, but until you accept your place, I can’t see you giving me any more advice or guidance. You’re avoiding your responsibilities to the Pack but expecting them-me-to go along with your decisions.”

He shook his head, looking down at the ground again. “I’m done. I need to get away from here for a while. I’ll ask Jonah to come in from the reservation to see to the things that need to be done around here. He’s not busy and he’s learned a lot from working with me while you’re gone. Just got one person moving in over there and they won’t be here for a few months. As soon as things are settled with him, I’m leaving.”

Micah opened his mouth then closed it. In a strange way it made sense to him. Gareth was right. Micah paused-or had been up until a few days ago when Olivia and Talia had shown him what Pack could be. Stretching his head up and back, he rolled his shoulders.

“Then go, Gareth. But don’t run with the wilds again.”

“Why not? They give me more acceptance than I’ve found recently among my own kind.”

Watching his friend leave only increased the pain he felt. First Olivia leaving him and now Gareth choosing this time to call him on his lack of leadership. He knew in his heart that there was a point to the accusation. By not holding councils or participating in Pack Gatherings other than the full moons, he continually fought the yoke of leadership.

Biting back the howl of frustration bubbling up inside him, Micah headed for the lodge. He had to tell Talia about Olivia-had to make a six-year-old understand why her friend had left without saying goodbye.

And then he had to concentrate his energy on getting Olivia back. Only then could he figure out his place in this Pack, whether he was truly fit to be their Alpha or if he should insist on turning that responsibility over to someone else.

Tires crunching on the snow alerted Micah to a visitor. Who the hell is that? I canceled all the reservations. Dammit, if that’s Pete come again to tell me I need to step in as Alpha, I swear I’ll shift and bite him so he can’t sit down for a week.