Marilu Mann - Changing Focus

As they walked up to a lake, she imagined she would feel little arcs of electricity when he would stop to point out various animal burrows, squirrel nests and the mistletoe in the tops of some of the trees. She allowed herself a moment to daydream about him holding a sprig of mistletoe over her head as he lowered his mouth down to hers for a deep, seeking kiss.

Micah didn’t just show her the animals. He told her about them. It was as if he knew them intimately-almost as if he understood their very nature. Olivia paid close attention to his words and to the man himself. She watched the fluidity of his walk, even on the ungainly snowshoes. He was definitely the most gorgeous man she’d ever seen in her life.

Her hands itched to roam all over his tall body. The thought of tracing his muscles had her biting the inside of her cheek. Not good to moan while hiking behind the man. She figured he had to weigh well over two hundred pounds, but she’d wager that not an ounce of it was fat.

She breathed deeply, the bite of the winter air causing her to cough. Micah glanced back at her, his concern fading to amusement. Olivia shook her head on a short laugh. “How cold do you think it is right now?”

“Now? Probably less than ten degrees. With the wind chill though, it’s probably eighteen or twenty below. Are you warm enough?”

“Well, my nose is getting numb, but the rest of me is warm enough.” She couldn’t stop the feeling of pure feminine pleasure that swept over her as Micah’s gaze moved from the top of her red hat to her booted feet. Her belly heated up even as her head reminded her that she could never indulge in that reality.

He tilted his head back toward the lodge and they started moving down the path. Olivia looked over to the side and stopped dead in her tracks.

“Micah,” she whispered.

He stopped, turning to look at her. Moving very slowly, Olivia gestured with one hand toward the side of the path. Micah moved back to her, staring into the woods. “Something moved. I think it was a wolf. There! Do you see him?”

“Yes.” His voice matched the quiet in hers.

Olivia stood mesmerized. She watched the edge of the woods where a wolf stood. Beside her, Micah was perfectly still. The wolf stood in profile to them, looking at them over his left shoulder for a long moment then turned and disappeared into the undergrowth.

Olivia took a deep breath then turned to face the man beside her. “Just how many wolves are there in these woods?”

“What do you mean?”

She noted that his voice sounded funny, but she plugged on. “Last night I saw the biggest gray wolf I’ve ever seen in my life in the clearing around the lodge and now this white wolf in the woods. Are there more of them around?”

“Sometimes. Depends on the time of the month-I mean year.” He shrugged. “Let’s get you back to the lodge.” She noted that his voice sounded normal again.

He led the way in silence and they reached the lodge without seeing any other wildlife. Olivia shook her hair free of the woolen hat, laughing a little at the static, and hung the hat up on a peg just inside the door.

They toed off their boots, pulled off gloves and then Micah reached out to help her with her jacket. For just a moment, she thought about doing the same to him just so she could wrap her arms around his massive chest.

She wanted to nuzzle into his neck, smell his skin and feel his arms around her. She really wanted to rip his shirt off and see if his body followed through on the promise it seemed to be making. No! No ripping. No biting or clawing either. Remember Jackson? You could do to Micah what you did to Jackson.

Visions of the flashing lights and sirens from that awful night filled her mind. Shaking her head at her own wayward thoughts, Olivia went back toward the kitchen. Micah followed her on silent feet.

Scooping up her notepad, Olivia turned to find Micah leaning against the counter. His gaze lasered straight into her core, threatening another meltdown. She faltered. “I…I think I’ll just go upstairs and put some more of these notes into my computer.”

“You should take a warm shower just to make sure you don’t get a chill. Or you could join me in the sauna.” The lazy sensuality of his voice only added to the lava forming in her stomach. But she couldn’t let him know that.

“Maybe I will. Just not right now. I really need to get these images down on paper.”

Smiling, Olivia moved past him to the staircase. She could feel Micah’s gaze on her as she went quickly up to the hallway. When she gained the privacy of her room, she leaned against the closed door for a moment, trying to catch her breath.

“Sauna? Puh-lease! If I saw him naked in the sauna I’d definitely have to jump his bones.” Olivia laughed, pushing away from the door. “And that would be such a bad move.”

Her laughter faded as Jackson ’s face floated up in her memory. Her first lover, the man she would have married if she’d been able to keep herself from going wild at his touch.

Olivia swept a stray lock of hair behind her ear. They’d kissed before-even fooled around a bit and when he’d taken her to bed the first time, she’d been sure he was the man for her. She’d even accepted his marriage proposal. Then, one night, everything had changed. They’d been having sex and she’d gone crazy on him.

He’d forgiven her. Of course he’d also broken up with her. His words spoken with kindness but tinged with fear still rang in her ears. Olivia, I think maybe you need to see someone about this. It’s not normal to be so violent in the bedroom. I love you but I can’t deal with your aggression.

She’d had to agree when faced with the stitches on his cheek that mirrored the ones on his chest. And she’d had her acrylic nails removed and vowed never to wear them again. If only she’d known that uninhibited sex did that to her. Her therapist had suggested past sexual abuse that she’d buried, but Olivia knew that wasn’t it.

It was tied to the monster inside her. The one who had killed her parents. Enough! Slamming the door on those painful memories, she moved purposely toward the desk and her laptop, opening it and striking a few keys to wake it up. She paged through her notes from earlier then pulled up a blank document and started writing her article. She forced herself not to return to her earlier erotic journaling.

As usual, she lost track of time as she wrote. The light tapping on her door pulled her out of the story taking shape in front of her and back to the present.

“Yes?”

“I just wondered if you were ready for dinner.” Micah’s voice carried through the closed door.

“Dinner?” Olivia glanced at the clock on her laptop, shook her head and moved toward the door. “I’m sorry, I completely lost track of time.”

She also lost her ability to speak as she pulled the door open. Micah stood in front of her door in a blue denim shirt and jeans that hugged his hips and thighs. His hair fell loose around his shoulders and her mouth went dry as she let her gaze roam freely from the top of his head to his moccasins with a long pause at the hidden treasure behind his zipper. She finally raised her eyes to meet his gaze.

“Are you hungry?”

“Starving.” And for more than just food. Olivia knew at that moment she wanted desperately to make love to this man. The breakup with Jackson had been eight years ago. Surely she could control herself now? Lust surged up and overrode every piece of good sense she had.

The attraction raged between them. She could feel his arousal. She could definitely see his interest-hell, she could almost smell it. Smell it? That’s ridiculous, Olivia Marie. Get a hold of yourself. First you think the man smells like cookies and now you think you can smell his arousal? What is wrong with you?