J. Tolkien: Farmer Giles of Ham

They had come, indeed, to the places where Chrysophylax often roamed, or alighted after taking his daily exercise in the air. The lower hills, and the slopes on either side of the path, had a scorched and trampled look. There was little grass, and the twisted stumps of heather and gorse stood up black amid wide patches of ash and burned earth. The region had been a dragon's playground for many a year. A dark mountain-wall loomed up before them.

Farmer Giles was concerned about his mare; but he was glad of the excuse for no longer being so conspicuous. It had not pleased him to be riding at the head of such a cavalcade in these dreary and dubious places. A little later he was gladder still, and had reason to thank his fortune (and his mare). For just about midday – it being then the Feast of Candlemas, and the seventh day of their riding Tailbiter leaped out of its sheath, and the dragon out of his cave.

Without warning or formality he swooped out to give battle. Down he came upon them with a rush and a roar. Far from his home he had not shown himself over bold, in spite of his ancient and imperial lineage. But now he was filled with a great wrath; for he was fighting at his own gate, as, it were, and with all his treasure to defend. He came round a shoulder of the mountain like a ton of thunderbolts, with a noise like a gale and a gust of red lightning.

The argument concerning precedence stopped short. All the horses shied to one side or the other, and some of the knights fell off; the ponies and the baggage and the servants turned and ran at once. They had no doubt as to the order of precedence.

Suddenly there came a rush of smoke that smothered them all, and right in the midst of it the dragon crashed into the head of the line. Several knights were killed before they could even issue their formal challenge to battle, and several others were bowled over, horses and all. As for the remainder, their steeds took charge of them, and turned round and fled, carrying their masters off, whether they wished it or no: most of them wished it indeed.

But the old grey mare did not budge. Maybe she was afraid of breaking her legs on the steep stony path. Maybe she felt too tired to run away. She knew in her bones that dragons on the wing are worse behind you than before you, and you need more speed than a race-horse for flight to be useful. Besides, she had seen this Chrysophylax before, and remembered chasing him over field and brook in her own country, till he lay down tame in the village highstreet. Anyway she stuck her legs out wide, and she snorted. Farmer Giles went as pale as his face could manage, but he stayed by her side; for there seemed nothing else to do.

And so it was that the dragon, charging down the line, suddenly saw straight in front of him his old enemy with Tailbiter in his hand. It was the last thing he expected. He swerved aside like a great bat and collapsed on the hillside close to the road. Up came the grey mare, quite forgetting to walk lame. Farmer Giles, much encouraged, had scrambled hastily on her back.

`Excuse me,' said he, `but were you looking for me, by any chance?'

`No indeed!' said Chrysophylax. `Who would have thought of seeing you here? I was just flying about.'

`Then we meet by good luck,' said Giles, `and the pleasure is mine; for I was looking for you. What's more, I have a bone to pick with you, several bones in a manner of speaking.'

The dragon snorted. Farmer Giles put up his arm to ward off the hot gust, and with a flash Tailbiter swept forward, dangerously near the dragon's nose.

`Hey!' said he, and stopped snorting. He began to tremble and backed away, and all the fire in him was chilled. `You have not, I hope, come to kill me, good master?' he whined.

`Nay! nay!' said the farmer. `I said naught about killing.' The grey mare sniffed.

`Then what, may I ask, are you doing with all these knights?' said Chrysophylax. `Knights always kill dragons, if we don't kill them first.'

`I'm doing nothing with them at all. They're naught to me,' said Giles. `And anyway, they are all dead now or gone. What about what you said last Epiphany?'

`What about it?' said the dragon anxiously.

`You're nigh on a month late,' said Giles, `and payment is overdue. I've come to collect it. You should beg my pardon for all the bother I have been put to.'

`I do indeed!' said he. `I wish you had not troubled to come.'

'It'll be every bit of your treasure this time, and no market-tricks,' said Giles, `or dead you'll be, and I shall hang your skin from our church steeple as a warning.'

`It's cruel hard!' said the dragon.

`A bargain's a bargain,' said Giles.

`Can't I keep just a ring or two, and a mite of gold in consideration of cash payment?' said he.

`Not a brass button!' said Giles. And so they kept on for a while, chaffering and arguing like folk at a fair. Yet the end of it was as you might expect; for whatever else might be said, few had ever outlasted Farmer Giles at a bargaining.

The dragon had to walk all the way back to his cave, for Giles stuck to his side with Tailbiter held mighty close. There was a narrow path that wound up and round the the mountain, and there-was barely room for the two of them. The mare came just behind and she looked rather thoughtful.

It was five miles, if it was a step, and stiff going; and Giles trudged along, puffing and blowing, but never taking his eye off the worm. At last on the west side of the mountain they came to the mouth of the cave. It was large and black and forbidding, and its brazen doors swung on great pillars of iron. Plainly it had been a place of strength and pride in days long forgotten; for dragons do not build such works nor delve such mines, but dwell rather, when they may, in the tombs and treasuries of mighty men and giants of old. The doors of this deep house were set wide, and in their shadow they halted. So far Chrysophylax had had no chance to escape, but coming now to his own gate he sprang forward and prepared to plunge in.

Farmer Giles hit him with the flat of the sword. `Woa!' said he. `Before you go in, I've something to say to you. If you ain't outside again in quick time with something worth bringing. I shall come in after you and cut off your tail to begin with.'

The mare sniffed. She could not imagine Farmer Giles going down alone into a dragon's den for any money on earth. But Chrysophylax was quite prepared to believe it, with Tailbiter looking so bright and sharp and all. And maybe he was right, and the mare, for all her wisdom, had not yet understood the change in her master. Farmer Giles was backing his luck, and after two encounters was beginning to fancy that no dragon could stand up to him.

Anyway, out came Chrysophylax again in mighty quick time, with twenty pounds (troy) of gold and silver, and a chest of rings and necklaces and other pretty stuff.

`There!' said he.

`Where?' said Giles. `That's not half enough, if that's what you mean. Nor half what you've got, I'll be bound.'

`Of course not!' said the dragon, rather perturbed to find that the farmer's wits seemed to have become brighter since that day in the village. `Of course not! But I can't bring it all out at once.'

`Nor at twice, I'll wager,' said Giles. `In you go again, and out again double quick, or I'll give you a taste of Tailbiter!'

`No!' said the dragon, and in he popped and out again double quick. `There!' said he putting down an enormous load of gold and two chests of diamonds.

`Now try again!' said the farmer, `And try harder!'

'It's hard, cruel hard,' said the dragon, as he went back again.

But by this time the grey mare was getting a bit anxious on her own account. `Who's going to carry all this heavy stuff home, I wonder?' thought she; and she gave such a long sad look at all the bags and the boxes that the farmer guessed her mind.