Андреа Кремер - Nightshade

“Unless he thought what?” I frowned; my heart was beating at a breakneck pace.

Ansel’s voice dropped to a whisper; he watched me closely as he spoke. “That you might actually be in love with Shay.”

My heart galloped right off the cliff it had been racing toward and I couldn’t breathe. I closed my eyes. Am I?

“Calla?”

I could barely hear him over the roaring in my ears.

“Did you turn him?”

I sat up, nails digging into a pillow, shredding cotton.

“It would make sense.” Ansel’s voice had grown soft, and he traced a slow pattern on the coverlet with his fingers. “You wanted Shay to be one of us so you don’t have to be with Ren. He was the other wolf in the cave, wasn’t he?”

I didn’t know what to say or do. The truth? More lies? I didn’t want Ansel and Bryn mixed up in this. They’d already tried to protect me by lying to Ren. If they knowingly betrayed the Keepers, I couldn’t imagine what it might cost them.

I shook my head furiously, fear for his safety pulling the lie from my lips. “No. That is not what’s going on. You know that was just a lone wolf. I was in the cave by myself. I’m sorry you had to find out that way. I should’ve talked to you sooner. And thanked you. For not saying anything. Bryn too.”

“Why were you in there?” he asked, doubt lingering in his eyes. “What kind of stunt were you trying to pull?”

“I know it was dumb,” I mumbled. “I was just curious when I patrolled alone. I decided to sneak in—but I ran when I smelled the spider.”

He shuddered. “I would have run too. I’ve never seen anything like that.”

“I haven’t either,” I murmured, lost in memories of the fight, Haldis, Shay.

“You really should have told us.” Ansel frowned. “Ren was pissed off. He’s a good alpha. He wants us to work together.”

“I know,” I said.

“Don’t you trust us?” Ansel asked. “I know a lot has changed because of the new pack, but we’re still your friends. We wouldn’t let you down, Calla.”

“I’m sorry, An,” I said, hesitating before I spoke again. “Why did you think I turned Shay? I mean besides smelling the other wolf in the cave.”

Ansel raised his gray eyes to meet mine, his irises hard as flint. “Because I would have run away with Bryn if anyone told me I couldn’t be with her. If she weren’t a Guardian, I would’ve turned her, and I would’ve run for the rest of my life to keep her by my side.”

I looked at him for a long moment and then nodded slowly. He loves her. That’s what love is. It must be.

“Thanks for not yelling at me for saying that.” He offered me a sad smile.

I nodded again, unable to push words past the lump in my throat.

“I wish you would tell me how you feel, Cal,” he said. “I just want to help. Shay and Ren are both good guys; I’m not judging you either way. You have to follow your heart.”

I winced. “It’s not that simple.”

“Sure it is,” he said with a frustrated huff. “God, Calla, don’t you love anything?”

I stared at the bed. Maybe I don’t. I’m only trying to be strong. What if being an alpha means I can’t love anyone?

When I looked at him again and he saw the bright sheen of tears reflected back at him, he cringed.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. That was a horrible thing to say.”

I smiled weakly. “I love you, little brother.” I reached out, pulling him into my arms.

He nestled his head against my neck and I stroked the tousled mess of his sand brown hair. I wanted to tell him everything. I felt so alone. But I couldn’t risk it. I was desperate to keep my pack out of this mess as long as I could.

“And I love our packmates,” I murmured, trying out the words, feeling their truth, their strength. “Promise me, An. No matter what happens, you’ll be strong. I need you to protect Bryn, to protect the pack.”

He tensed. “What are you talking about?”

“I wish I could tell you,” I whispered. “But it’s too risky. There’s too much I don’t know right now. Please just promise me.”

He nodded, his hair brushing against my chin. “I love you too.”

THIRTY

“YOU DIDN’T SLEEP AGAIN LAST NIGHT, DID you?” I asked, walking over to Shay’s desk at the end of first period. He’d spent most of class using his forearms as pillows. Mr. Graham didn’t bother him or hadn’t noticed since Shay had been thoughtful enough not to snore.

“I was working on the last section. I think I made some headway,” he said, pulling a sheaf of notebook paper from his pocket. “Take a look.”

I took the paper, slipping it into my pocket. “I’ll look at it later today and then we’ll talk in the library this afternoon.”

“Sure.” He shuffled his feet. “Should I skip chem today? Would that make things easier for you?” He didn’t say and Ren, but I smiled thinly as I watched the thought make him grimace.

“He won’t be there,” I said. “And even if he was, you’d be better off pretending nothing happened. The Keepers are all watching . . . They’d tell Logan if things were still strained.”

“Ren won’t be there?” Shay frowned. “He isn’t—I mean, Logan didn’t—”

“No,” I hurried to reassure him. “Ren’s just blowing off steam . . . I think. He wasn’t specific, but he let me know he wouldn’t be around until the dance tonight.” I sighed, sinking into the desk next to Shay. “What you did yesterday . . . with Logan. I can’t thank you enough. You gained respect from the whole pack. It could have been awful for Ren, for all of us.”

He started to reach for me but thought better of it, shoving his hands in his pockets. “Yeah, well, sometimes I can manage to do the right thing.” One corner of his mouth crinkled. “Are you going to apologize for slapping me?”

“No.”

“I didn’t think so,” he said.

The bell for second period rang. I stood up, hating that he’d stopped himself from touching me, knowing that if I didn’t get out of there, I’d be the one reaching for him.

I tried to keep my thoughts neutral through the day. My nerves seemed to be on the verge of shattering, which I couldn’t afford. It helped that Bryn passed me sketches of possible hairstyles for that evening all through our French class. The cold vacuum in my belly pulled at my stomach painfully when I sat alone at my lab station through Organic Chemistry. We had a substitute teacher, and I wondered if the stress of the previous class had caused Ms. Foris to avoid school or resign immediately.

Since there was no experiment, I turned my attention to the notes Shay had scribbled on the folded piece of paper. His frustration was apparent with the chaotic arrangement of words and phrases. Scion, two worlds, gift?? What is the veil? After the jumble of notes was a transcribed paragraph that while still confusing at least had full sentences.

Those who waited for the harvest child must choose his fate

To begin again, search for the cross

To guard the power, make your gift (??)

Shay’s punctuation betrayed his irritation.

Two worlds battle, the Scion lives between

When the veil thins, the gift (??) must be made

Lest one world fade while the other remains

The bottom of the page was covered with more questions and some choice rants about the confusing passage. I read it through again. Shay was right; other than the mention of the Scion and the indication that this choice took place at Samhain, the passage made no sense at all. There couldn’t possibly be something happening at the same time as our union. I read the words once more, letting them float to the back of my mind.

At lunch none of the wolves objected when Shay pulled up a chair, especially since he made the politically astute decision to sit between Neville and