Андреа Кремер - Nightshade

“It can’t be true.”

“There’s more.” He took my hand. “When I read about Ren’s mother, I went back through the War of All Against All looking for other revolts. That’s how I learned about your history. Your real history.”

Clasped between his warm fingers, my skin felt cold and lifeless. “What do you mean my ‘real’ history?”

“I worked through the later sections of the De proelio, the part that described that last major conflict in the Witches’ War, the one you call the Harrowing.”

“But I know all about the Harrowing,” I said, frowning. “It was a terrible time of bloodshed, many Guardians were lost, but it was still an important victory for the Keepers. One that almost rid us of the Searchers.”

“No, Calla. That isn’t what happened.” He took my other hand in his, forcing me to meet his eyes. “The Harrowing wasn’t the annihilation of the

Searchers. It was when the Keepers quelled a Guardian revolt. The Searchers attempted to aid the rebellion, and the Keepers staged a devastating counterattack. They culled Guardians and Searchers alike. And the Keepers created a new weapon that helped turn the war in their favor, something called the Fallen. I’m not sure what it was, but it made the rebellion fall apart. Any Guardians and Searchers who managed to escape went into hiding.”

I pulled my hands from his grasp, wrapping my arms around my chest.

“The revolt instigated a new policy with regard to Guardians,” he continued, not taking his eyes off my face. “Smaller packs, no turning of humans, closer regulation, with more-severe punishments for disobedience and the production of strong family ties so as to prevent the likelihood of revolt. The Keepers believed that Guardians wouldn’t risk their families, even for the cause.”

“What cause, Shay? Why did so many Guardians revolt in the last century?” I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.

“Freedom,” he said. “The Guardians revolted because they could no longer bear to be slaves.”

“We are not slaves,” I whispered, digging my nails into my sides. “The Guardians are the Keepers’ loyal soldiers. We serve and they provide everything for us, education, money, homes. Everything. Our calling is sacred.”

“Open your eyes, Calla,” Shay snarled, pacing through the room. “It’s called hegemony. Antonio Gramsci. Look it up. A system of rule whereby the oppressed are convinced to support the system of oppression, to invest in it, believe in it. But it still means at the end of the day, you and the other

Guardians are slaves.”

“I don’t believe you,” I said, rocking back and forth. “I can’t believe any of this.”

“I’m sorry,” he murmured. “But you can read about what happened to Ren’s mother yourself the next time you come to Rowan Estate. As for the rest of it

. . .”

I heard rustling. When I opened my eyes, he held out a stack of pages ripped from a notebook. “I knew it would be hard for you to hear. I stayed up all night and transcribed the entire section so you could see it word for word. I’m telling the truth.”

I held up my hand. “I can’t take those. Keep them.”

“Why would I lie about something like this?” He pushed the papers toward me again, eyes filled with anger. “We already know they executed Ren’s mother. It’s who the Keepers are, Calla; this is what they do.”

I opened my mouth, ready to scream at him, but then I was sobbing. “I know it’s true, Shay. I know you’re telling the truth.”

He knelt beside me, pulling me forward into his arms. My body shook as tears seared along my cheeks. Shay cradled my head against his chest, stroking my trembling shoulders and back. His lips pressed gently against my hair.

“It’s going to be okay, Calla. I’m going to find a way to get you out of here. I promise.”

I laid my face against his neck and sobbed again. His arms tightened around me.

“What exactly is going on here?” Lana Flynn’s voice lashed from the double doors that led to the commons.

My blood turned cold as her eyes moved over my tearstained face and then gazed at Shay, who returned her glare with a steady calm. He rose, clearing his throat, and stood just in front of me to shield me from her view.

“I’m sorry, Nurse Flynn. We had a fight. She’s going to Blood Moon with someone I don’t care for, but I handled the situation poorly. I owe Calla an apology.”

I blinked in amazement at his smooth lie.

The nurse’s lips parted in a smile that revealed her delight in our mutual agony.

“Ah yes, unrequited love is such a torturous thing. No wonder you despise Renier. That kiss I witnessed him bestow on this girl was quite stirring indeed. The passion of youth is just so . . . delicious.”

The blood drained from my cheeks as I watched Shay take in her words. Flynn’s smile widened when she saw the tense, throbbing vein in his neck.

Fear gripped me. Don’t change, Shay. Please don’t change.

She strode forward until she stood face-to-face with him, running a long-nailed finger along his cheek, down his throat, and then her entire hand trailed over his chest and abdomen. I stifled a gasp as she hooked her finger in the waist of his jeans and jerked him close so there was barely space for air to move between their bodies.

“Don’t worry, my handsome, golden boy. There’s still good work left for you in this place.”

He remained stone still while she turned to face me. “Logan will hear of this, Calla. A lady of your stature should use more discretion.”

She released him and strode from the commons.

Shay let out an explosive breath. “She’s not just the school nurse, is she?”

I shook my head. “No. I’m not sure what she is. Sabine once referred to her as a spellwarder, but I don’t know what that means.”

I walked to his side and he stiffened. “You never told me that he kissed you.”

“I also never told Ren that you kissed me.” I sighed. “What do you want me to say? Do you really want to have the fight you just told Flynn we were having?”

“No.” A quiet laugh escaped his throat. “Maybe later.”

“Fair enough.”

He turned to face me, his eyes worried but kind. “What do you want to do?”

I shook my head. “I have no idea. I can’t just leave my pack.”

“But you can’t stay here,” he countered.

“Shay, who are the Searchers?” I had more questions now than I’d ever had in my life.

“I don’t know.” He walked across the room, kicking chairs out of his way. “It’s clear they allied with the Guardians who revolted way back when and they helped Ren’s mother; both times they paid the price for plotting against the Keepers, but I haven’t figured out exactly who the Searchers really are or what they’re after.

“But I don’t think they’re your enemies, Cal,” he said. “They’re the Keepers’ enemies, not yours.”

“Right now I’m not sure that means anything.” I shuddered. “I’ve killed a Searcher. The Keepers’ enemies have always been mine. Maybe it’s too late for anything else.”

“It’s never too late.” He brought his fist down on a table. It splintered under his hand. “There must be answers in that book! I need to figure out the last section. It seems to indicate mutability, change. I think it’s the key.”

I could see the shadow of his wolf form swirling around him like a cloak.

“We’ll keep trying.” I put my hand on his chest, smelling the way his wolf scent mixed with his sweat. “You need to breathe, Shay. Push back the wolf.

You’re too close to changing.”

“I don’t know how to stop it,” he growled.

“Just breathe.” I laid my head against his neck, waiting for both our hearts to slow. “Today and tomorrow. I’ll come to your house and work with you.” His hand stroked up and down my spine.