Софи Джордан - Firelight

Not Mom. Never Mom. With Mom there had only ever been wariness…as if I were some dangerous being she gave birth to. Someone she had to love, but wouldn’t have chosen.

Our car moves at last. I resist staring after the Land Rover as it pushes through the throng of cars.

Tight lines edge the sides of Mom’s mouth as she pulls out of the school. She nods her head, as if the motion is convincing her of something.

“It’s okay,” she says. “As long as you don’t actually manifest…which shouldn’t be easy to do here.” She tosses me a stern look. “It’s like a muscle. It will lose strength if you don’t exercise it.”

Like with her. I have only vague memories of Mom manifesting. It’s been years. Even when she could, she rarely did, preferring to stay home with Tamra and me while Dad flew. She gave it up altogether when Tamra failed to manifest. “I know.”

Only I’m not like her. As stifled as I felt with the pride, uncertain of myself around Cassian…living in this desert, deliberately killing my draki, is worse.

“Just to be safe, keep your distance from that boy.”

It’s my turn to nod now. “Sure,” I say, even as I think no. Even as I think I might hate my mother just a little bit. Because even though I know I should stay away from Will, I’m tired of her making all my decisions. Could what the pride had in store for me have been so bad that we needed to come here to be safe? Is Cassian really that bad? It’s not that I didn’t like him. I just didn’t like him being chosen for me. Especially since my sister had wanted him from the age of three. He always gave Tamra piggyback rides even though Mom would shout at him to put her down. Me, I just tried to keep up. And then I didn’t have to anymore. Cassian manifested and forgot us both. He didn’t notice me again until I manifested. And Tamra…well, never manifesting sealed her fate. Cassian forgot her completely.

Safe. Safe. Safe.

That word comes up a lot with Mom. Safety. It’s everything. It’s led me to this. Leaving the pride, killing my draki, avoiding the boy who saved my life, the boy who awakened my draki in the midst of this scorched sea—the boy I want very much to know.

Can’t she understand? What good is safety if you’re dead inside?

Mrs. Hennessey stares at us through her blinds. She must have been waiting for us to come home. We enter quietly through the back gate, careful not to let it clang after us.

And yet, as quiet as we are, she is ready, peering at us from the security of her house.

She’s done that a lot since we moved in. As if she’s not sure she didn’t rent her pool house to a family of convicts.

Apparently I’m not the only one who notices. “She’s watching us,” Tamra hisses.

“Again.”

“Don’t stare,” Mom commands. “And keep your voice down.”

Tamra obeys, whispering, “Isn’t it kind of creepy living in some old lady’s backyard?”

“It’s a lovely neighborhood.”

“And all we could afford,” I remind Tamra.

We skirt the pool, walking one after the other. Mom leads, balancing a small bag of groceries on her hip. I’m last. I look down into the cerulean blue pool to see a shuddering reflection of myself. The chemical odor stings my nostrils.

Still, the water looks refreshing in this dry, skin-shriveling heat that makes my thirsting pores contract. We don’t even have a tub. Just a shower stall. Maybe I can sneak a swim later. I’ve never been good at following rules.

Tamra grumbles, “I just hope she doesn’t go through our stuff while we’re gone.”

What stuff? It’s not like we smuggled out much in our haste. Clothes and a few personal belongings. I doubt she could find our gems. I haven’t even been able to find them. And I looked when Mom left us to job hunt, hungry for the sight of them. Just a touch. A revitalizing brush against my skin.

Mom unlocks the door. Tamra follows her inside. I pause and take another look over my shoulder—find Mrs. Hennessey still watching. When she sees me looking, the blinds snap shut. Turning, I walk inside the moldy-smelling pool house, wondering what time she goes to bed.

That water is calling my name. And for now, it’s closer than the sky.

As Tamra and I wash dishes, Mom changes for work. The smell of rich butter and cheese lingers in the tiny kitchen. Mom’s five-cheese macaroni with her unique blend of herbs is my favorite. Not that she’s not a fantastic cook in general. She’s a verda draki—was, I mean.

Verda draki know everything there is to know about herbs, specifically how to optimize them into food and medicines. She can bring the blandest dish to life. In the same vein, she can also concoct a poultice that gets rid of a pimple overnight or draws poison from a wound.

Tonight’s dinner was for me.

She’s trying to be good to me—feels sorry for me, I guess. It’s me Mom worries about.

Me she wants to be happy here. With Tamra, it’s a given—she wanted to leave the pride years ago.

Dinner tasted good, delicious. Like home. My stomach is pleasantly full from too much food.

Mom emerges from her room, dressed in black slacks and a purple sequined halter top.

Her bare shoulders gleam like pale marble. Maybe she’ll get a tan here. I frown. Maybe we all will.

“You sure you girls will be all right?” She looks at me as she asks this.

“We’ll be fine,” Tamra replies cheerfully. “Now go out there and earn those tips.”

Mom’s smile is shaky. “I’ll try, but I do hate leaving you girls alone.”

I know it’s terrible and selfish of me, but I’m glad she got hired on for nights. It’s too hard to be around her right now. And this way I only have to worry about Tamra if I sneak out. When I sneak out. Once I decide on the safest place for me to manifest. It can’t be far. I’ll have to walk to get there after all.

Laughter bubbles like acid inside my chest. Because no place is safe to manifest here. It’s a desert. Without mists and mountains for cover, I’d never be fully cloaked.

“Don’t stay up too late,” Mom instructs. “And do your homework.”

It’s her first night working at the local casino. The night shift pays best. She’ll be gone from ten at night until five in the morning. This way, she can see us off to school, get a nap and then head back for a few hours during the day, clocking out in time to pick us up from school and spend the early evening with us. Ideal as long as she can keep functioning on five hours of daytime sleep.

“Remember, Mrs. Hennessey is just next door.”

I snort. “Like we’re going to bother her.”

“Just be careful.” Her gaze swings meaningfully between me and Tamra, and I wonder what’s really worrying her. That the pride might show up to drag us back? Or that I’ll take off and return to them all on my own?

“You know,” Tamra points out. “You could just sell a few rubies, an emerald or diamond.” She shrugs. “Then you wouldn’t have to leave us alone. You wouldn’t have to work so much.” My sister glances around the small, wood-paneled living room. “We could rent a nice condo.”

Mom picks up her purse. “You know we can’t do that.”

Because the pride would know instantly if any of the jewels that had been in our family for generations started circulating. They would be looking for that very thing. That’s what they would expect us to do to survive.

If not for that, I know Mom would sell off every gem we possessed. It’s not as though she places any sentimental value on them. The stones are our draki family legacy, after alland she wants to kill all ties to that.

Jewel salvaging’s part of our ancestry. This, in part, is why we are hunted. Money.