Аманда Хокинг - Flutter

Milo had rather smartly decided to stay behind in Mae’s room to hide. Somehow, his pep talk had turned into this, and I felt sorry for him. He probably didn’t feel any better about his situation when he saw Jack reacting this way. In fairness, I don’t think that Jack was that upset about what had happened. Or at least, he would’ve gotten over it a long time ago. He just didn’t like knowing that he had been lied to about something that was such a major event in his life.

“How do I know that? How do I know anything they ever said was true?” Jack sounded like he was being histrionic, but he was asking me honestly. If they could lie to him about this, what’s to say that they weren’t lying about everything?

“You know how much you mean to us!” Mae insisted. “Look at everything we’ve done for you and tried to do!”

“You know what? I really don’t wanna hear from you right now!” Jack snapped at her. He shook his head and started heading for the stairs. “I don’t wanna hear from anybody right now!”

When he ran up to his room, I wasn’t sure if I should follow, but I did anyway. He had no reason to be mad at me, but he didn’t really feel like he wanted me around either. He paced in his room, and I stood awkwardly in the open doorway, so I wouldn’t be intruding on his space quite so much.

“Why would they lie? Why would they all lie about this?” Jack ran his hand nervously through his hair.

“Why couldn’t they just tell me the truth? Is it really that hard?”

“Kinda. I’m sure Mae was really ashamed of what happened, and you didn’t remember,” I said carefully. “They probably just thought it would be easier for everyone.”

“I could’ve died!” Jack shouted, and he stopped pacing so he could look at me gravely. His soft blue eyes were sad and confused, and even if I couldn’t feel what he felt, his emotions were always clearly etched on his face. “Mae almost killed me, and she never thought it was the right thing to tell me?”

He ran a hand through his hair. “And I don’t get why I don’t remember. Everyone else remembers when they turned so vividly. Why can’t I? Did she do something to me?”

“You died, that’s why,” Peter said, startling me. He must’ve been in his room when he hear Jack yelling, and we had been too distracted to notice him coming out into the hall. I glanced back at him, then crossed my arms firmly over my chest and moved closer to the wall, away from him. Even though he wasn’t looking at me, at felt incredibly uncomfortably being around him still. “You were clinically dead for seven minutes. We weren’t even sure the transformation would take, but you’ve always had a strong heart.”

“Well, thank you so very much!” Jack said, his voice heavy with sarcasm.

“I get that you’re upset, but I think you’re making too much of this.” Peter sounded almost weary.

Unexpectedly, he walked into Jack’s room, moving much closer to me than I would’ve liked.

He barely even looked at me, but I stared down at the ground. None of this made sense.

Supposedly, Peter was trying to comfort Jack, and that made me uncomfortable, but I couldn’t say anything. Being around Peter and Jack together made me feel incredibly guilty and shy. But if I had been able to think clearly or actually speak, I would’ve been wondering when Peter started caring about Jack’s well-being. I’m know that he and Jack had once been very close, but I had never seen Peter ever say anything encouraging to Jack.

Today, at this moment, Peter suddenly decided to repair their relationship.

“Peter, I really don’t need your shit right now,” Jack said tiredly. “You’re no better than anybody else.”

“Really? Because it was my decision to save your life,” Peter looked at him evenly, and Jack lowered his gaze to the floor. “But that’s not the point. Mae was a wreck about what happened to you, and we did everything in our power to save you and take care of you. So don’t act like we don’t care.

You know she adores you.”

“Out of guilt!” Jack ran a hand through his hair and shook his head. “And it doesn’t matter!

I’m not even really mad about what happened! I just can’t believe that you’d all lie to me all this time!” He sighed loudly. “But I guess I shouldn’t really have expected much different from you. You’re the most self-serving person I’ve ever met.”

“What does that mean?” Peter narrowed his eyes at him, and I was definitely getting a bad feeling about the way this conversation was going. He had come in here with actual good intentions, and while Jack had been trying to welcome that kind of thing, he couldn’t right now. But Peter was making an effort, so it really pissed him off when Jack started attacking him.

“You are so selfish! You never think about anybody else!” Jack shouted at him. “You guys didn’t want to tell me because you thought I might get upset!”

“You sure proved us wrong,” Peter replied dryly and crossed his arms over his chest.

“I’m mad because you lied to me! I never lie to you guys! Not ever! And I can’t believe that you would all conspire to lie to me about something so big!” Jack yelled, and the knot in the pit of my stomach only tightened. “It’s so weak and cowardly, and even though you’re a massive dick, I never thought you were that much of a coward.”

“You know, I saved your life! And I have sacrificed so much of my own happiness for you!”

Peter growled at him. “And that makes me a dick and a coward?”

“If you had to lie to do it, then yeah, it does!” Jack stared directly at Peter, and something flashed in Peter’s eyes.

“Hey, you know what? I think that, um, we should just take a breather,” I stammered desperately.

Peter had that glint in his eyes, and I knew that whatever he was thinking would not be good for me.

“So you don’t want me to ever lie to you? About anything?” Peter had a bitter smile on his lips, and it confused Jack. “That’s the only way that I can overcome being this selfish asshole who has stupidly put your wants in front of my own for the past fifteen years?”

“I hardly think you’ve done that, but yeah,” Jack did not know what Peter was getting at, but he was starting to get nervous.

“Peter, I think that Jack doesn’t know what he’s saying,” I interjected breathlessly. Jack’s eyes flitted over to me for just a second, but by then, it was too late. As soon as I said Peter’s name, Jack realized something was up.

“I know exactly what I’m saying,” Jack glared at Peter.

“Yeah? Well, then, just so I can absolve myself from all the sins I’ve done against you, like saving your life and running away to Finland so you could live in peace, I’m gonna tell you the truth.”

Peter leaned in a little bit closer to Jack and lowered his voice. “I kissed Alice. Three days ago.”

“Peter!” I shouted, because that was the only defense I had.

Peter instantly regretted it, but he didn’t apologize or back down. They just stared dimly at each other.

I think that we had both suspected some kind of reaction out of Jack, but for a minute, there was nothing. A weird buzzing feeling engulfed his emotions, and I couldn’t get a read on any of them. His face was blank, and then finally, he turned to look at me. That’s when I felt how badly it hurt him, and it was like being punched in the gut.

“Jack,” I said lamely.

“Fuck you all,” Jack looked at Peter, then back at me. “Seriously. Fuck you all.” Then he looked away from us and walked out of his bedroom.

Going after Jack would not be an option. When he left, I could feel how badly I disgusted and hurt him, and it would kill me to be around that, and he wouldn’t want anything to do with me. He might never want anything to do with me again, but I had to give him time before I could talk to him. So I just stood in his room, fighting the urge to cry and throw up, and reminding myself to breathe.