Аманда Хокинг - Flutter

“No, but it doesn’t matter how he survived. The point is that it doesn’t make you a monster for drinking too much,” Mae looked at Milo, and she had purposely started turning more towards him, so her back was more to Jack. “It’s easy to forget how fragile humans can be, and that’s why it’s important to always be careful.”

“Well, how bad was he?” Milo pressed. He was starting to doubt her story since she couldn’t provide any details, but I knew she was telling the truth. She was just leaving something out. “Did he lose a lot of blood?”

“Yes, he was almost dead.” Mae closed her eyes and rubbed at her forehead. “He may have been technically dead. His heart had completely stopped beating.”

“So what did you do? You didn’t give him a blood transfusion?” Milo sat up straighter, and even Jack was looking very interested in her story.

“No, we couldn’t. We were… out, and Ezra wasn’t there.” Mae sighed and shook her head.

“It was a long time ago. I don’t know why all of this matters so much to you.”

“I just don’t understand what happened. If he was that bad, how did he live? Did you take him to a hospital or something?” Milo asked.

“No, there wasn’t enough time. They couldn’t have…” Mae opened her eyes, but she stared intently at the bedspread instead of looking at any of us. “It’s so easy to lose control, and that’s why I only drink bag blood anymore. I never want to feel that way again.”

“Mae, what happened?” I demanded as gently as I could. A sick feeling was building up in my stomach, and I wasn’t even sure if I should press her for more information. Maybe it would better if no one ever found out, but I always had to know everything.

“Ezra told me that Bobby almost didn’t make it, and he had a lot more going for him,” Milo said. “I mean, if he was dead, how did you save him?”

“We…” Mae exhaled shakily. “Peter turned him.”

Mae closed her eyes tightly, but for a second, nobody said anything. It felt like all the air had been sucked out of the room. Milo’s big brown eyes were even larger than normal, and he just gaped at them, looking back and forth between Mae and Jack. At first, Jack didn’t seem to feel anything.

Then this painful, shocked, nauseous panic spread out over him. His heart hammered in his chest, and I wanted to say something to him, but I didn’t know what.

“What are you talking about?” Jack demanded, and his voice was shaking.

“Jack, love,” Mae reached out for his hand, and he leapt up off the bed before she could touch him.

Tears formed in her eyes as she looked helplessly at him. “It was a long time ago.”

“No!” Jack shook his head, refusing to believe or understand what she was saying. “I followed two girls into the club, and then…” He ran a hand through his sandy hair, and he stared off at nothing, trying to think. From what I understood, Jack had never really been able to remember much about turning. “You told me that you found me in the alley, that they left me for dead.”

“Nobody left you for dead, love.” Mae got up off the bed and took a step towards him, but he just took a step back.

“What happened, Mae?” Jack shouted. “What really happened to me?” Mae flinched at the anger in his voice, and Milo and I were too confused and surprised to do anything else but watch.

“You were at the club, and…” Mae trailed off. “You know how these things happen!”

“No, I want you to tell me exactly what happened,” Jack glared at her. “I deserve to know what you really did to me!”

“You were at the club, and I was hungry! I had picked up people there a few times before, and I didn’t think anything of it. So I took you to one of the back rooms,” Mae explained, and Jack closed his eyes. “I didn’t mean to, Jack! Honestly! I never meant to hurt you! I didn’t even realize what I had done until it was too late! You weren’t breathing and your heart had stopped!”

“I thought you couldn’t turn if you were dead,” Jack said quietly, but he still didn’t open his eyes.

“You weren’t dead yet, not completely.” Mae walked closer to him, and he didn’t run away.

“I called for Peter, and he came in and said the only thing we could do was turn you, so he did. And then we took you back home and took care of you and loved you.” She put her hand on his chest, and he let her, but I could feel he was visibly shaken. His heart beat erratically and his breath was coming out raggedly.

The color had drained from his face, and he felt hurt, pissed off, and very ill.

“Why didn’t you tell me this before?” Jack asked as evenly as he could.

“The last thing you remembered was following the girls into the club, and everything was confusing and frightening enough in the beginning,” Mae explained hurriedly. “We didn’t think we should add to it, so we just let you believe that the girls had done it.”

“So you lied to me?” He opened his eyes, and his eyes had gone icy. “You lied to me for the past fifteen years? You thought that was a better alternative?”

“No, we just… I didn’t know how to tell you!” Mae floundered.

“Whatever.” Jack pushed her hand off of him and turned and stormed out of her bedroom.

I went after him because I felt like I should, but I had no idea how I could help him. I didn’t even really understand why he was so upset.

“Jack!” Mae called, running after him. She tried to touch his arm, and he jerked it back from.

“Jack!

Please! It doesn’t change anything!”

“It changes everything!” Jack made it as far as the living room before he whirled on her.

“You killed me! By your own admission, I was dead! You…” He ran his hands through his hair, and he couldn’t seem to process what she was telling him. “And you covered it up! How could you lie to me about something so important? What else have you been lying to me about?”

“Nothing! This was the only thing, and it wasn’t lying!” Mae looked away from him and shook her head, her eyes swimming with tears. “We just let you believe what you wanted.”

“Bullshit!” Jack yelled. “You let me believe what you wanted me to believe! You didn’t want to tell me that you had almost left me for dead! I’m sure you considered it, didn’t you? And if Ezra had been there, instead of Peter, you would’ve left me for dead! He never would’ve let you turn me!”

“What’s going on?” Ezra asked, coming down the stairs at precisely the wrong time.

Jack had his arms wrapped around himself, and he was very close to throwing up.

Sometimes, it really sucked being able to feel everything he felt. He was so hurt and sick. The wind had been knocked out of him.

He was just realizing that instead of embracing him as one of their own, his family could have just as easily left him for dead, and they almost did. They had always led him to believe that they had been so moved by his plight that they had saved him. That they had gone out of their way to bring him into their folds, when really, he had just been a casualty.

“Why didn’t you ever tell me Mae killed me?” Jack shouted, turning his anger on Ezra. “You could’ve just told me! I’m only pissed off now cause you made me live a lie the entire time I’ve known you!”

“You’re being melodramatic,” Ezra said calmly. “Nothing has been a lie.” He gave Mae a disparaging look, and she shied away from it. Apparently, he didn’t approve of the way she had told Jack the truth.

“Jack, you know they love you,” I said, and he looked at me uneasily.

Cautiously, I took a step towards him. He stood in the middle of the living room, and Matilda sat next to him, looking very confused by all the yelling. Jack wasn’t mad at me in particular, but he felt kind of mad at the world. Ezra and Mae were in the living room doorway, and by now, Mae had started crying silent tears.