Аманда Хокинг - Flutter

They’ll be all pissed, and they’ll just kill you both. The odds of the both of you being able to take on and defeat an entire pack on your own… they aren’t good.”

“If he’s going to die, then I’m going to die,” Peter said, and that wasn’t really disagreeing with me, which was rather disheartening.

“That’s very noble of you, but if you go, then I’d go with you. Because there would be no reason for me to wait here.” When I said it, I realized it was true, and that did nothing to ease the nerves in my stomach.

“Even if you didn’t want me to. If I stay here, I’m just a sitting duck. As soon as you walk out that door after the lycan, I’m as good as dead anyway. They’d just come back and kill me. There’s no way that I can fight them.”

From the look in his eyes, I knew he wanted to refute me, but he couldn’t, so he just looked away. He chewed the inside of his cheek again and furrowed his brow, trying to think of a better plan or a way to prove me wrong. In a way, I was hoping he could too. I liked scenarios where we didn’t all end up dead.

“I can’t just let him kill himself like this!” Peter shook his head, refusing to see the logic.

“Look, if you go, they will definitely try to kill you, and he wouldn’t stand for that. They will almost certainly kill you both, and then me, and that’s not a road I want to go down,” I explain as calmly as I could when talking about my own demise. “But by himself, he at least stands a chance of reasoning with them. Right now, this is the only chance we have of all three of us getting home alive. But if you go after him, we’re all dead, and you know it.”

“But if they kill him, over me-”

“Then we’ll come up with something else!” I cut him off, ending that train of thought as soon as I could. “I don’t want him to die anymore than you do! But maybe he won’t! Okay? Maybe… he’s right.”

Peter scoffed and rolled his eyes, but he seemed to be conceding to my way of thinking. He sat back on the bed, tucking his hair behind his ear and staring at the floor. Unsure of what else to do, I leaned back against the dresser and just watched him. I was afraid that if I did or said the wrong thing, I would accidentally change his mind, and he would rush out the door after Ezra.

“It’s ridiculous how much influence you still have over me,” Peter muttered at length.

“What are you talking about?” I narrowed my eyes at him.

“I shouldn’t even be listening to you!” He said it like it should be incredibly obvious, and he was very deliberately not looking at me.

“Yeah, you should. Cause I’m right and I have a valid point.”

I wasn’t sure what he was insinuating, but it made me feel strange inside. Like somehow after all of this, broken blood and all, he managed to have feelings for me. And somehow, that seemed to matter to me, when it most definitely should not. I cared about him on some level, which was why I came on this rescue mission, and I hoped that he reciprocated similar feelings, but I didn’t want or need anything more.

“Maybe.” Peter shrugged and absently rubbed his eye. “Not that I can even tell if that’s why I’m listening to you.”

“What does that even mean?” I demanded.

“Nothing.” Abruptly he pulled on the tee shirt and stood up. “I should go after him.”

“What? Why?” I asked nervously. “What does that have to do with anything?”

“I don’t know!” Peter sounded just as exasperated as I felt, and he rubbed his temples. “It just doesn’t feel right! Sitting here, with you, while he’s out there.”

“I agree with your sentiments, except for that random dig at me. Thanks for that, by the way,” I said dryly.

“Oh, come on, I didn’t mean it like that. I just meant that I should be out there, with Ezra!”

“And not sitting around acting like me, with your thumb up your ass,” I finished for him.

“Yeah, yeah, I get it.”

“Being impossible doesn’t make me want to be around you more,” Peter grumbled, casting me a look.

“Who says I want you to be around me?” I countered.

That was silly, because I did want him around me. Not in any naughty of sort of way, but I definitely didn’t want to drive him away when the plan was to try and convince him to stay with me. I sighed and decided to redouble my efforts on being nice to him. After all, I really didn’t want him to end up dead.

“Why are you here?” Peter asked honestly, looking at me.

“Um, well…” I stammered. “Ezra told us that you were in trouble, and um… I offered to go with. He thought it would be a good idea, and here we are.”

“Jack let you go?” Peter raised a skeptical eyebrow.

“Well, he didn’t know where we were going, and he wasn’t thrilled about it. But there’s not much he can do.” I shrugged.

“Hmm,” he sounded bemused. “So, Ezra thought you would convince me to come back home?”

“I wouldn’t go that far…” But really I would. That’s what we were both hoping, anyway.

I felt Peter start appraising me for the first time, and I pulled the blanket self-consciously around me.

Sure, my body was hotter than it used to be, but it was never confidence boosting when somebody was actually looking me over, like they were judging me. Although, he seemed pleased with what he saw, and I wasn’t sure how to take that.

“You look really good,” Peter admitted, sitting back on the bed. “So you weren’t the worst choice to send after me, I guess.”

“Thanks. But I don’t think he thought I’d be good because of how I looked,” I squirmed a little at the idea. “It’s because of what happened, between us. I mean, that’s why I came.”

“I don’t understand,” Peter looked at me quizzically. “Aren’t you bonded with Jack now?”

“I am, yeah.”

“So what are you talking about?” Peter shook his head.

“What do you mean?” I returned his confusion.

“You can’t still care about me,” Peter said, but he didn’t sound convinced off the fact.

“Of course I do! Not like before, but I still care!” I insisted. Then I floundered, feeling embarrassed.

“I mean, don’t you? Like… a little bit?”

“I don’t know that we were ever truly bonded anyway,” Peter answered brusquely, ignoring my question entirely.

“What?” I gaped at him.

It was such a ridiculous statement, like saying that the sky was purple, I didn’t even know how to argue with it. There was no other to describe what we had gone through together, and he knew it. I couldn’t understand what he could possibly gain by denying it, but he was shaking his head and looking at the ground.

“Why did you come out here then?” I demanded, once I had gotten my mind wrapped around what a gigantic ass Peter was being.

“I like Finland!” Peter met my accusatory glare evenly.

“Yeah, right.” The blanket had started slipping off my shoulder and I readjusted it. “You came out here to join a crazed pack of vampires cause you like Finland? That sounds a lot more like you were trying to get yourself killed.”

“Why would I wanna do that? Over you?” Peter stood up quickly, smirking down at me.

“That’s what you think, right? That I couldn’t possibly live without you? That’s a little bit of an ego trip you’re on, isn’t it?”

“Well… no… that’s not what…” I started to stammer out some kind of response, then I straightened my shoulders. I didn’t like the idea of blubbering in front of him. “After you lost Elise you almost-”

“Don’t talk to me about Elise!” Peter snapped and turned away from me. “I don’t feel anything for like you like I felt for her!”

“I never said you did!” I said, and rubbed my temples. This certainly was not convincing Peter to stay and live, but I was caring less and less for his safety. “Peter, I am just trying to help you! I don’t know why you’re so angry with me for that!”