Аманда Хокинг - Switched

“No, I don’t care about here!” I insisted. “I hate Elora! I hate this palace! I don’t want to be a stupid Princess! And I don’t care who is! There’s somebody else that can take my place! They don’t need me!”

“They do need you. You have no idea how badly they need you.” Finn turned away from me. “Without you, it will completely fall apart.”

“That doesn’t make any sense! I’m just one stupid girl who can’t even figure out which fork to eat with! I have no abilities! I’m awkward and silly and inappropriate! That Kroner kid is much better suited for this!” I continued. “I don’t need to be here, and I’m not going to stay if you’re not here!”

“There is much you have yet to learn,” Finn said tiredly, almost to himself. He had started folding his clothes again, so I walked over to him and grabbed his arm.

“I want to be with you, and… I think you want to be with me.” I felt sick to my stomach saying it aloud. I expected him to laugh at me or tell me that I was insane, but instead, he slowly looked over at me.

In a rare moment of vulnerability, his dark eyes betrayed everything they had been trying to hide from me. They were filled with affection and warmth, and something even deeper than that. His arm felt warm and strong under my hand, and my heart pounded in my chest. Gently, he placed his hand on my check, letting his fingers press warmly on my skin, and I stared hopefully at him

“I am not worth it, Wendy,” Finn whispered hoarsely. “You are going to be so much more than this, and I cannot hold you back. I refuse to.”

“But Finn, I-” I wanted to tell him that I loved him, but he pulled his hand away.

“You have to go.” He turned his back to me completely, busying himself with anything so he wouldn’t have to look at me.

“Why?” I demanded, tears stinging at my eyes.

“Because.” Finn picked up some of his books off a shelf, and I followed right behind him, unwilling to relent in my pursuit of him.

“That’s not even a reason,” I said.

“I’ve already explained it to you,” Finn hissed.

“No, you haven’t! You’ve just made vague comments about the future!” I insisted.

“I don’t want you!” Finn snapped.

I felt like I had been slapped. For a moment, I stood in a stunned silence, just listening to the sound of my heartbeat echo in my ears, but then I charged on. Maybe he didn’t want me, but part of me still believed he did, and I wouldn’t stop until I was sure it was true.

“You’re lying!” I shouted, feeling a tear slip down my cheek. “You promised you would never lie to me!”

“Wendy! I need you to leave!” Finn growled.

He was breathing heavily, and his back was still to me, but he had stopped moving around. He leaned against his bookshelf, his shoulders hunched forward. This was my last chance to convince him, and I knew it. I touched his back, and he tried to pull away from me, but I wouldn’t move my hand. He whirled on me, grabbing my wrist. He pushed me until my back was against the wall, pinning me there. His body was pressed tightly against mine, the strong counters of his muscles against the soft curves of mine, and I could feel his heart hammering against my chest. His hand was still around my wrist, restraining one of my hands against the wall. I’m not sure what he intended to do, but he looked down at me, his dark eyes smoldering. Then suddenly, I felt his lips pressed roughly against mine.

He kissed me desperately, like a drowning man and I was his oxygen. I felt his stubble scraping against my cheeks, my lips, my neck, everywhere he dared press his mouth against me. He let go of my wrist, allowing me to wrap my arms around him and pull him even closer to me. Seconds ago, I had been crying, and I could taste the salt from my tears on his lips. Tangling my fingers in his hair, I pushed his mouth more eagerly against mine, kissing him until I couldn’t breathe. My heart beat so fast, it hurt, and an intense heat spread through me. I had never wanted anything more than I wanted him.

“No…” Finn said hoarsely, and somehow he managed to pull his mouth from mine. His hands gripped my shoulders, holding me to the wall and he took a step back. Breathing hard, he looked at the ground instead of at me, and his dark lashed laid on his cheeks. “This is why I have to go, Wendy. I can’t do this to you.”

“To me? You’re not doing anything to me!” I persisted and tried to reach out for him, but he held me back. “Just let me go with you.”

“Wendy…” He put his hand back on my cheek, using his thumb to brush away a fresh tear, and looked at me intently. “You trust me, don’t you?” I nodded hesitantly. “Then you have to trust me on this. You need to stay here, and I need to go. Okay?”

“Finn!” I protested.

“I’m sorry.” Finn let go of me and grabbed his half-packed suitcase off his bed. “I stayed too long.” He started walking to the door, and I ran after him.

“Wendy! Enough!”

“But you can’t just leave…” I pleaded.

He hesitated at the doorway but shook his head. Finn opened the door and left.

I could’ve followed him, but I didn’t have anymore arguments. His kiss had left me feeling dazed and disarmed, and I wondered dimly if that had been his plan all along. He knew his kiss would leave me too weak to chase after him and too confused to argue with him. After he had gone, I just sat down on the bed that still smelled like him, and I started to sob.

I’m not sure I had slept at all when Willa burst in my room the next morning to wake me for the party. My eyes were red and swollen, but she made very little comment about it. She just started in on getting me ready and talking excitedly about how much fun it was all going to be. I didn’t really believe her, but she didn’t notice. Almost everything I did required verbal and physical prompts.

She even had to remind me rinse the shampoo from my hair, and I was just lucky that modesty had never been her strong suit.

It was impossible to combine fresh heartbreak with the fervor of a ball.

Willa kept trying to get me excited or at least nervous about anything, but it was completely futile. The only way I managed to function was by being completely numb. I didn’t even understand how this had happened. When I had first met Finn, he had seemed creepy, and then he was just irritating. Repeatedly, I had rejected him and told him that I didn’t need him or want to be around him. I had even run away from Förening before thinking I would never see him again.

How had it turned into this? I had lived my whole stupid life without him, and now I could barely make it through the hour.

“Wendy,” Willa sighed. I was sitting on a stool, wrapped in my robe, while she did something to my hair. She had offered to do it in front of a mirror so I could see her progress, but I didn’t care. Holding a bottle of spray in her hand, she stopped what she was doing and just looked at me. “I know Finn’s gone, and you’re obviously taking it pretty hard. But he’s just a stork, and you are a Princess.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” I mumbled.

I had thought about defending him, but in all honesty, I was kind of pissed that he had left without me. There was no way that I could’ve left him after that kiss. As it was, it had been torture to stay behind. I just lowered my eyes and tried to close the subject.

“Fine. I don’t.” Willa rolled her eyes and went back to spraying my hair. “But you’re still a Princess, and this is your night.” I didn’t say anything as she yanked and teased my hair. “You’re still young. You don’t understand how many fish there really are in the sea, especially your sea. The most eligible, attractive men are gonna be all over you, and you’re not even gonna remember that stupid stork that brought you here.”