Аманда Хокинг - Torn

“How are you doing?” Tove asked, speaking for the first time in about a halfhour. We’d all been silent as I tried to master whatever it was I was supposed to master.

“Fantastic,” I muttered.

“Great. Let’s add a song.” He stared up at the skylight, watching the clouds roll over us.

“What?” I stopped counting and let go of my persuasion so I could turn to face him. “Why?”

“I can still hear you,” Tove said. “It’s getting fainter, but it’s like the hum you hear from power lines. You need to quiet the noise in your head.”

“And doing a million things at once will do that?” I asked skeptically.

“Yes. You’re getting stronger, which means you’re learning to hold things in.” He lay down, closing the matter. “Now add a song to it.”

“What should I sing?” I sighed, turning to face the wall.

“Not ‘Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star,’” Duncan grimaced. “I’ve had that stuck in my head for some reason.”

“I’ve always been partial to The Beatles,” Tove said.

I glanced over at Duncan, who smirked with surprise. Sighing again, I started singing “Eleanor Rigby.” I messed up the words a couple times, but Tove didn’t complain, which was good. It was hard enough trying to do this and remember the lyrics to a song I hadn’t heard in years.

“I hope I’m not interrupting.” Elora’s voice ruined any semblance I had of concentration, so I stopped singing and turned to face her.

Duncan scrambled out of the chair, but not before I caught sight of the nasty glare she shot him. He looked down so his hair would cover the crimson blush on his cheeks.

“Not really,” I shrugged. For once, I was actually happy to see Elora since she brought a reprieve from all of this.

Elora surveyed the room with some disdain, but I’m not sure what met her disapproval, since she had to have at least had a hand in the design. She stepped into the room, her long gown pooling around her feet. Tove didn’t get up and watched her with an offhand interest.

“Can I have a moment alone with the Princess?” Elora asked without looking at anyone. She managed to stand in a way that her back was to all three of us.

Duncan mumbled apologies as he hurried out of the room, stumbling over his own feet. Tove left at a much slower rate, always content to do things at his own pace. He ran a hand through his disheveled hair and made a vague comment about coming to find me when I was done.

“I’ve never cared for this room,” Elora said once they’d gone. “It felt more like a greenhouse to me than a throne room. I know that was the idea behind it, helping us maintain our more organic roots, but it never felt right to me.”

“I think it’s nice.” I understood what she meant, but it was still a beautiful room. All the glass made it have kind of an epic feel.

“Your ‘friend’ is staying with us.” She chose her words carefully and walked over to the throne. She ran her fingers along the arms much the same way I had, letting her dark manicured nails linger on the details.

“My friend?”

“Yes. The… boy. Matt, is it?” Elora lifted her head, meeting my eyes to see if she was correct.

“You mean my brother,” I said deliberately.

“Don’t call him that. Think of him however you’d like, but if someone hears you say that…” She trailed off. “How long will he be staying with us?”

“Until I feel it’s safe for him to leave.” I stood up straighter, steeling myself for another fight with her, but she didn’t say anything. She simply nodded once and looked out the window. “You’re not gonna try to stop me?”

“I’ve been Queen for a while, Princess,” she smiled thinly at me. “I know how to pick my battles. I suspect this is one I couldn’t win.”

“So you’re okay with it?” I asked, unable to hide the shock in my voice.

“You learn to tolerate the things you cannot change,” Elora told me simply.

“Do you want to meet him or anything?” I felt unsure about what I should do. I didn’t know why she’d come to talk to me, if it wasn’t to stop me or tell me I’d done something wrong. That seemed to be the only time she sought me out.

“I’m certain I’ll see him in due time.” She smoothed her black hair and walked a bit more towards me. “How is your training going?”

“Fine,” I shrugged. “I don’t get it really, but its okay. I guess.”

“You’re getting along alright with Tove?” Her dark eyes met mine again, studying me for something.

“Yeah. He’s fine.”

Whatever she saw in me must’ve pleased her, because she nodded and smiled.

Elora stayed and chatted with me a few minutes longer, asking more about the training, but her interest waned almost immediately. She excused herself, citing business to attend to.

Once she had gone, Tove returned to continue the training, but I suggested we get lunch instead. We went down to the kitchen to discover Matt making something for him and Willa. Rhys was at school, so it was just the two of them.

Willa threw a grape at Matt, and when he tossed it back, she giggled. If Tove noticed anything unusual about their banter, he didn’t say anything, but he hardly looked up from his plate. He ate in total silence, while I watched Matt and Willa with confused fascination.

I ate in a hurry, and Tove and I went back to training while Matt and Willa were still eating. Not that either of them really seemed to notice or care about our departure.

The rest of the day didn’t afford much time to think about how strange Matt and Will were acting. Training went on in the throne room much the way it had in the morning. Towards the end of the day, I began feeling tired, but I didn’t stop until Tove called it quits.

After he left, Duncan followed me upstairs, because I couldn’t seem to ditch him no matter what I said. I wanted to be alone, but I let Duncan in my room. I felt weird and mean making him stand out in the hall all the time.

I know he supposedly was a bodyguard, but he wasn’t some stiff in a suit with an earpiece. He was a kid in skinny jeans, and it made it hard for me to treat him like staff.

“I don’t understand why you hate it here so much,” Duncan said, admiring my room.

“I don’t hate it here,” I said, but I wasn’t sure if that was true.

My hair had been up in a messy bun, but I took it down, running my fingers through the kinks and curls. Duncan looked at the stuff on my desk, touching my computer and CD’s, and I would’ve been mad, if any of it were really mine.

Everything had come with the place when I moved in. Even though this was my room, very little in it felt like it actually belonged to me.

“Why’d you run away?” Duncan picked up a Fall Out Boy CD and investigated the track list.

“I thought you knew why.” I got into my bed, immersing myself in the overflow of blankets and pillows. I folded a pillow under my head so I could see him better. “You seemed to have it all figured out.”

“When?” He set the CD down and looked back. “I never seem like I have anything figured out.”

“That’s true,” I said, pushing a dark curl off my forehead. “But at my house, when you came to get me. I thought you knew.”

When I’d first met him, he’d said something. I couldn’t remember exactly what it was, but he’d implied he knew what had happened between Finn and me. Or at the very least, he’d known why Finn had been taken off me, which was because of the way Finn felt about me.

Anymore, I wasn’t so sure about Finn’s feelings. I doubted they were real now, if they had ever been. We had lain in this very bed, kissing and holding each other. I’d wanted to do more, but Finn had stopped things, saying he didn’t want to disturb me. But maybe he’d never really wanted me at all.