Макс Фрай - The Stranger

“Juffin, it’s much easier for me to do things myself than to explain to a bunch of people what I think they should be doing.”

“I know. I’m the same way. But life doesn’t always live up to our expectations. You have to get used to that.”

We returned to the House by the Bridge. Then Juffin went home to have a few dreams, since, as he said, his faith in me was absolute. He had finally convinced me of that. I also understood that I had to crack this case before sunset or die. Or at least burn up from shame, and become a silver residue of ash somewhere in a dark corner of the Ministry for Perfect Public Order. And it has plenty of dark corners.

I heaved a sigh, gathered my wits, and got down to work. I sent a call to Melifaro, to Sir Kofa, and to Melamori. I told them to report to work. All three of them were shaken down to the soles of their feet. I wasn’t so fluent in Silent Speech, though, that I could offer my colleagues the opportunity to say everything they thought about me and my idiotic appeal at daybreak on the First Day of the Year. “Over and out!” I barked, and signed off, realizing further cause for why Juffin had been so willing to give me a chance to prove my mettle.

There was no point in bothering Lookfi. The buriwoks from the Main Archive don’t open their beaks before noon. They have their own daily rhythm of existence. It’s only our Kurush who is a saint.

Melamori was the first to arrive. It seemed I had given her a reasonable pretext for escaping the parental embrace a few hours earlier than planned. In any case, she wasn’t angry.

“You look fabulous!” It was impossible for me not to gush. “Have you had enough sleep?” I gallantly filled her cup with kamra.

“Has something happened, or did you just miss me?” Melamori asked with a grin.

“Of course I missed you, but that’s no reason to wake you up at dawn. I’m not such an ogre as they claim I am. Well, I wouldn’t think twice about devouring a few dozen old men and babies. But not allowing a lady to sleep her fill?”

“Well, whatever has happened?”

“A corpse happened. And a strange one it was. You can come to admire it—and to enjoy the aroma at the same time. I’m not kidding: take a deep whiff. Then come back here. There will be another cup of kamra waiting for you, and an assignment.”

Melamori obediently carried out my orders and went down to the morgue.

She came back with a troubled expression on her lovely face.

“Smell familiar?” I asked.

“Yes! But I have no idea why.”

“Same here. Well, don’t worry. If you can’t remember, you can’t remember. Here’s your kamra. Drink up, and forward, march to the Tipsy Bottle. ”

“What am I to do there? Drink myself into oblivion while the sun rises?”

“Precisely, and in between your eighth and ninth glasses of Jubatic Juice, don’t forget about going up to the master bedroom. Find out whether anyone besides the legal owners of the place was there last night. Except for me, of course.”

“So was that Karwen in the morgue? I’m slightly acquainted with his wife. Gosh! What a present on the Last Day of the Year!”

“The first day of the year, Melamori! Be optimistic. There’s a saying in my homeland: ‘The way you celebrate the New Year is the way you’ll live it.’ Can you imagine?”

“Do you believe that, Max?” Melamori looked at me in almost superstitious horror. “And nothing can be done to change it?”

“In my homeland, no. But in Echo, the silly signs and superstitions of the Barren Lands are not in force. So off you go to the Tipsy Bottle !”

“I’m going, I’m going. Just between you and me, you’re a worse tyrant than Juffin!”

“I hope I am. Speaking of tyranny, it seems I’ll have to hit all the diners and snack bars in town trying to track down that scent again. And since you recognized it, too, I order you to accompany me.”

“You’re ordering me to hit all the diners and snack bars in town with you, Sir Max? I mean, just plain Max?” said Lady Melamori with a laugh.

“Of course,” I said. “I’m abusing the privileges of office in the best of interests. I’ve dreamed of this my whole life, and here I am in the driver’s seat. Now you won’t be able to wriggle out of it.”

“I wouldn’t think of trying,” said Melamori, and gazed at me, so clearly delighted that I suddenly turned red as a tomato. Then she left to carry out the task I had so tyrannically assigned.

Sir Kofa Yox arrived exactly two seconds before Melifaro, and both of them were burning with curiosity about whether my poor head was still in working order. They were alarmed when I related the events to them. This was the first serious crime that had taken place in Echo on the Last Night of the Year since the beginning of the Code Epoch. This was what Sir Kofa Yox claimed; and that was saying something.

By the time they arrived, I was already very tired. So I laid out the plan of action for them, and when I issued my orders, I was so cool and matter-of-fact it seemed I had been issuing them my whole life.

“I don’t think poor Karwen could have been involved in any dark matters,” said Sir Kofa, plucking the hem of his looxi thoughtfully. “But you’re right, my boy. We need to investigate his recent activities. People are capable of things that are so out of keeping with their characters, you can hardly credit it.”

“Especially at the End of the Year,” I said with a grin.

“Precisely. I’ll return at sundown, and if I uncover anything unusual I’ll send you a call.”

Kofa passed his hand in front of his face, changing his features without missing a beat. He turned his purple looxi inside out, so the modest brown lining was facing outward. Our Master Eavesdropper was ready to embark on a hard day’s work.

“And what is your command for me, O Terrible Child of the Night?” Melifaro had already jumped up from his chair, ready for action.

“Take a whirl through the Ministry. Stop in at the morgue and admire my catch. If you’re in the mood you can have breakfast. Wait for Melamori. Find out what she’s dug up. Actually, I’m sure that no one but the master and mistress had been in the bedroom. Ask around on Boboota’s side of the Ministry. Maybe one of the policemen knows something. Even the devil has a sense of humor.”

“And who is this ‘devil’ who likes a good joke?”

“Well, something between a vampire and a Mutinous Magician.”

“Ah, something like yourself.”

“I saved your life! I hid you from your hordes of relatives under my own blankets,” I said reproachfully. “And instead of falling at my feet or inviting me to dinner, all I get is—”

“I’m a swine,” Melifaro admitted, sounding aggrieved. “I’m inviting you. Today. No matter how much work there is, we still have to fill our bellies.”

“It’s nice to hear such pearls of wisdom. Mind you, it’s the Hunchback Itullo or nothing.”

“I wouldn’t settle for less. Do I have your permission to depart, Sir Great Commander?”

“Permission granted. Hey, wake me up in about two hours, all right? I have a date with a beautiful lady.”

“Maybe I could stand in for you?” Melifaro said enthusiastically.

“Dream on. You’re not quite the man inconsolable widows are searching for. Moreover, you’ll be meeting the magnificent Sir Lookfi at that time. Have you forgotten? Anyway, let me get some sleep!”

“Right here?”

“Yes. If I go home, wild horses wouldn’t be able to drag me out from under the blanket.”

“True. It’s virtually impossible to get out from under your blanket,” Melifaro said with the confident air of an expert. “Did you cast a spell over it? And what if Juffin comes here and wants to get some work done?”