Макс Фрай - The Stranger

“I’m glad you liked it. But the more Max tells me about the place, the less I like it.”

“I’m not saying it appeals to me. It was simply very interesting. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen anything like it. Are you glad you stole away from there, Max?”

“I can’t imagine my life working out any other way. When I first arrived here I felt like I had landed in clover! I felt that someone was rubbing the part of my brain that makes me purr.”

Sir Maba Kalox nodded, settled himself more comfortably in his armchair, and thoughtfully drew out a plate with small rolls from under the table. He tasted them, nodded his approval, and placed his souvenir on the table.

“They’re edible, and very tasty. But, I won’t stall, I’ll tell you everything that happened while I was there. In the first place, Max, you were right. One of your countrymen really is at large in Echo. By the way, Juffin, it’s the first time I’ve come across someone of his age and sex who has such a highly developed faculty of intuition.”

“Same here,” my boss said.

I blushed with pleasure.

“I congratulate you both. Eat up, don’t be afraid. I don’t know where they came from, but nevertheless . . .”

“Poisoner,” Juffin mumbled, stuffing a roll into his mouth. “Chow down, Max. If we die, we’re going out together.”

The rolls were excellent. The flavor seemed familiar to me, though I couldn’t quite place it.

“I don’t know how you managed,” Sir Maba Kalox continued. “But you, my boys, came up with the craziest mode of transportation between Worlds I’ve ever seen.”

“What do you mean ‘we’? Juffin thought it up. I just obediently followed instructions,” I protested. I certainly didn’t want to be burdened by someone else’s laurels. I didn’t even know where to put my own.

“Judge for yourself, Max,” Juffin replied. “How could I have invented that ‘streetcar’ when to this day I don’t know what it is? Someday it will get through to you that we did it together. But for now, you’ll just have to take my word for it.”

“Just resign yourself to not knowing what you’re doing for the next few hundred years,” Maba Kalox added. “It’s only frightening at first. After that it gets interesting. Now then, let’s get back to my impressions. I found myself in the dark and lonely street where the Door between Worlds opened for you, Max. There was some lunatic wandering around who was obsessed with murder. Nothing so unusual in that, and anyway, I love madmen. However primitive they may be, they always have access to marvels. As for this fellow, it was obvious to me right away that he was tripping over the marvelous with both feet. Some kind of eccentric buggy, clearly man-made, drove up and stopped right in front of him. I’ve never seen anything more ungainly in my life. A means of transportation should be able to drive anywhere, and not be confined to a little path! All the more since no path is infinite.”

“That ‘little path’ is called ‘tracks,’” I interposed, just to set the record straight.

“Thank you, Max. That, of course, changes everything. When I realized how this strange buggy was made and what it was for, I split my sides laughing. But for the madman, the arrival of the streetcar was also a surprise. You see, he was aware that on that street there was no little path like the one I have already mentioned. Yes, yes, Max, I remember. ‘Tracks.’ Consequently, the poor fellow was sure that this contraption couldn’t be there at all. Sinning Magicians, how little it takes for some people to lose their minds!”

“Tell me, Maba,” Juffin said, frowning. “How great is the probability that other people will come across this streetcar?”

“The chances are almost nil. The appearance of this anomaly of nature is in some way connected with the phases of the moon there, as well as the positions of the other planets. The necessary conditions of alignment are fairly rare. Also, it’s a deserted street. And, more important, this passage between worlds was created especially for him”—a nod in my direction—“so normal people not only cannot use the thing, they don’t even see it. Only an experienced person or a lunatic, whose own personality has disintegrated due to the onset of madness, is able to pass through the Door to Beyond. You may rest assured, Juffin, such auspicious conditions occur very seldom, unless we’re talking about a few of their Magicians who manage to pass through. But that’s possible at any time, under any circumstances.”

“All the more since there are no Magicians there,” I added.

“I wouldn’t be so sure of that,” said Sir Maba Kalox. “Are you personally acquainted with all the inhabitants of your world?”

“Of course not, but—”

“Just what I thought. Just because you haven’t met any of them doesn’t mean they don’t exist. Be optimistic, we Magicians are everywhere.”

“So you’re saying there won’t be any invasion from those parts,” Juffin said, visibly relieved.

“Of course not. Oh, and one more interesting detail. This ‘streetcar’ had a coachman. I wish I had had more time to study this strange creature. I’ll pursue the matter at my leisure, to be sure.”

“A zealous-looking fat fellow with a thin mustache,” I said slowly, my lips growing numb with horror at the memory. “As monstrous a mug as earth can produce—was that him?”

“Yes indeed it was. Who else? The first being you ever created, Max. You might be a little bit more charitable. I’ve never seen the likes of him.”

“Who is this coachman you’re talking about?” Juffin demanded. “You never mentioned him to me, Max!”

“I thought you knew everything already, without me. Besides, I tried to forget about him as soon as I could. I almost died when I saw him! Praise be the Magicians, he disappeared almost immediately!”

“Oh, right—you no doubt thought he was a good buddy of mine. Well, I’ll be. I should have questioned you about your journey. My pragmatism foiled me—I thought that since you had arrived in one piece that was all that mattered. Maba, what kind of creature is he?”

“I can’t say. I don’t know yet myself. There’s only one thing I can tell you: I’ve never seen anything like him before. If I find time to study him, I’ll certainly inform you of the results of my research. But you are so severe toward your own creation, Max! The lunatic, for example, liked this coachman very much. He decided to talk to him and to find out how the streetcar had found its way to a street where it didn’t belong. And at a certain moment he thought that the coachman might become his best friend. You could say they were made for each other, each obsessed in his own way. In short, the streetcar stopped, the fellow got in, greeted the coachman, and off they went. I can’t tell you all the details of their journey together, since I was too lazy to investigate any further. But after some time, the lunatic ended up in Echo, in the back courtyard of the Glutton Bunba . He was hungry, frightened, and he had finally ‘flipped his lid.’”

“He flipped what?” asked Juffin asked.

“His lid. I’m just using his own term. Nuances are very significant in such matters. Max, can you translate?”

“Well,” I began. “It means to ‘lose your mind’ all at once, but at the same to sink deeper and deeper into it, step by step. That’s how I would explain it.”

“Well said,” Sir Maba exclaimed, sounding pleased. “And what happened next you know better than I do, as the Door between Worlds closed and I lost interest in your companion.”

“Listen, Maba, couldn’t we—” Juffin proposed, before Maba cut him off.

“No, we couldn’t!”