Макс Фрай - The Stranger

“It’s not so bad, dear,” Lady Sotofa’s voice jerked me out of my dark whirlpool of homegrown philosophy into the bright world, where fresh kamra and a bracing nightshift awaited me.

I smiled. “As soon as I meet a good person, I find out that her favorite hobby is reading my mind.”

“Why would I need to do that, Max?” The old lady sniffed. “It’s just that you looked wise and mournful, like all boys when they’re thinking about their silly problems. Well, where are your poor devils hiding?”

“You arrived nearly an hour before you promised,” Juffin exclaimed. “So don’t be too hard on us. You’ll have to wait.”

“Oh, what luxury! I can’t remember the last time I had a whole hour to do nothing.”

“Don’t count on having a whole hour. They could start arriving any minute now. What did I tell you? Here comes the first one.”

The first one, by the way, was the same fellow that Kofa and I noticed in the Irrashi Inn at the very beginning of this story. Such coincidences do happen.

Lady Sotofa’s hands worked wonders. Her lips weren’t still for a second. She managed to sympathize with every patient, and to joke with us at their expense simultaneously. The recent hostages of the belts, now free, informed her where they could be found in the upcoming dozen days. Kurush grumbled at the large amount of tedious work, but managed to process all the information. With a memory like his, he couldn’t forget anything if he tried.

“They haven’t run afoul of the law, have they?” I wanted to know.

“No, of course not,” Juffin assured me. “How can you condemn someone who had no choice? The only candidate for unpleasant repercussions is your friend Agon, since he took some of the illegal actions on his own initiative. But let him set sail for his sunny Tashera. I don’t ever want to see his backside again. Ah, yes, Sotofa! We have one more handsome specimen for you. You’ll like him, I promise. Let’s go.”

Soon Xattel Min, the old Slingshot King, appeared in the doorway of the office, his eyes blinking in confusion. Seeing him now didn’t awaken any negative emotions in me. In a few minutes, the old man was dismissed, after being provided with a long list of qualified repairmen and housecleaners, though there wasn’t much hope he would make use of it.

I greeted the dawn in my new house. Ella and Armstrong pattered about through all six rooms, meowing in delight. Sir Juffin Hully had strange notions about a “modest dwelling.” After a perfunctory glance around the house, I collapsed on the new bed and fell fast asleep. This time I didn’t dream about Melamori. As before, I had no hand in it. That part of my life had simply receded forever into the past, it seemed.

At sundown, I was awakened by a call from Sir Kofa.

I’m waiting for you at the Golden Rams , Max. Do you know how to get here?

But Juffin said the food there was terrible! I objected sleepily.

Of course he’d say that. Juffin’s the biggest snob in Echo. He’s like all provincials who’ve lived here a hundred years. I promise you’ll like it. Besides, your debtor is with me.

Oh, Kofa, let me wake up first. What debtor?

Captain Giatta. You saved more than just his life, and the fellow is determined to repay the kindness. To tell you the truth, Max, I don’t envy you. The captain has an extremely serious expression on his face, and his intentions are every bit as serious. He’s ready to wait three hundred years, if he has to, to return the favor you’ve done for him. In other words, the sooner you come, the more food you’ll get. Over and out.

“GOOD DAY,MR. BAD DREAM,” MELIFARO’S SMILE SEEMED TO spill beyond the edges of his face.

“Bad night, Mr. Daydream.”

For a fraction of a second, he stared at me in perplexity, then nodded with relief.

“OK, I get it. That’s a good one, I must say. Did you think it up yourself?”

“No, Lonli-Lokli did.”

“Ha!”

We were sitting in the Glutton Bunba . My colleague was dining after a hard day of work, and I was having breakfast before a no less hard night of work. Most likely I would sit in my own office, inhaling the dizzying smells of spring invading the office through open windows, and do the breathing exercises Lonli-Lokli had recently taught me. Our humorless Sir Shurf really was the preeminent expert in this department.

The onset of spring is not the best season for mending broken hearts, which is why recently I hadn’t been the happiest of men. If Melifaro had known me longer than half a year, he would immediately have recognized the biting tone of my ordinarily inoffensive jokes. Good golly, could that be true? Not even half a year had passed since I turned up in Echo. I shook my head in disbelief.

“What’s wrong?” Melifaro asked.

“I just thought about how long I’ve been hanging out here in Echo. Not that long at all.”

“Yet you’ve already destroyed so many lives,” Melifaro said by way of praise, “and I’m sure you’re not going to stop there.”

“True that,” I said. “You just wait and see.”

“Juffin asked me to tell you not to worry about chewing too carefully,” Melifaro said with a hearty laugh. His voice expressed a tinge of envy.

“He must want to try out a new enema on me, but his hopes are all in vain. My stomach can digest pieces that haven’t been chewed at all,” I said. But my heart skipped a beat. If Sir Juffin was planning to burden me with some insoluble problem—gosh, that was just what I needed!

“He’s getting ready to reveal a secret to you. Huge letters reading ‘Caution! Dangerous Information Enclosed’ are printed across his forehead. I suspect you’ll have to gnaw the remains of several dozen Mutinous Magicians to wrest the great secret of a Universal Laxative from their criminal hands. Alas, I fear that my whole life I am destined to remain an ignorant witness of your malevolent intrigues.”

“I’m leaving, then. Malevolent intrigues just sound too tempting.”

“You’re not even going to finish your meal? You’ll starve to death while you’re on duty, and I’ll be dancing a jig on a little heap of ashes that remains of you.”

“I’m not going to finish the meal, nor am I paying for it,” I replied, wrapping myself in my warm Mantle of Death. “I’m so fearsome that it doesn’t matter what I do.”

With that, I strode boldly to the door. Our repartee could go on forever, and I was spurred on by a tantalizing mixture of curiosity and hope.

When I arrived Sir Juffin Hully was just sniffing the contents of a jug of kamra. Then he nodded in satisfaction and filled his mug.

“For the sake of experiment I compromised my principles. This kamra is not from the Glutton , Max. I ordered it from the Fatman at the Bend . I thought I’d just see how the little wife of our Lookfi earns her bread and butter. It’s not bad, not bad at all. Have you ever been there?”

I shook my head.

“That’s very bad of you. I’d go so far as to say it’s unpatriotic. Since the proprietress of the Fatman is the wife of our colleague, we have an obligation. But do sit down, Max. You could have finished your meal back there. That’s very unlike you, choosing work over food.”

“You aren’t the only one who’s surprised,” I said. “You seem to know everything about me that there is to know, Juffin, even what I’ve left behind on my plate. It boggles the mind.”

“Not everything. Just the most important things. I need to have a serious talk with you, Max. Very serious, indeed. I want to burden you with a problem.”