Eoin Colfer - Artemis Fowl - the time paradox

The huge bodyguard was making quick work of a cucumber.

‘A summer salad,’ he explained. ‘Just greens, hard-boiled egg and some chicken. I thought crème brûlée for dessert. It will give me a chance to try out my flamethrower.’ He glanced across at Artemis and was surprised to see him dressed in one of his two suits, the dark blue one he had worn recently to the opera in Covent Garden. Artemis had always been a neat dresser, but a suit and tie was unusual, even for him.

‘Are we going somewhere formal, Artemis?’

‘Nowhere formal,’ said Artemis, with a coldness in his tone that the bodyguard had not heard before, but would come to know well. ‘Just business. I am in charge of the family affairs now, and so I should dress accordingly.’

‘Ah… I detect a distinct echo of your father.’ Butler wiped the sword carefully, then pulled off his apron. ‘We have some typical Fowl family business to conduct, do we?’

‘Yes,’ replied Artemis. ‘With a monkey’s uncle.’

Holly was aghast.

‘So, in a fit of childish pique, you murdered the lemur.’

Artemis had composed himself and sat on a bedside chair, holding his mother’s hand gently as though it were a bird.

‘No. I used to suffer from the occasional fit of pique, as you well know, but they generally did not last. An intellect such as mine cannot be overpowered by emotions for long.’

‘But you said that you killed the animal.’

Artemis rubbed his temple. ‘Yes, I did. I didn’t wield the knife, but I killed it, make no mistake.’

‘How exactly?’

‘I was young… younger,’ mumbled Artemis, uncomfortable with the topic. ‘A different person in many ways.’

‘We know what you were like, Artemis,’ said Foaly in rueful tones. ‘You have no idea how much of my budget the Fowl Manor siege ate up.’

Holly pressed for an answer. ‘How did you kill the lemur? How did you even get hold of it?’

‘It was ridiculously easy,’ admitted Artemis. ‘Butler and I visited Rathdown Park and simply disabled the security while we were there. Later that evening we both popped back and picked up the lemur.’

‘So Butler killed it. I am surprised; it’s not his style.’

Artemis’s eyes were downcast. ‘No, Butler didn’t do it. I sold the lemur to a group of Extinctionists.’

Holly was horrified. ‘Extinctionists! Artemis, you didn’t. That’s horrible.’

‘It was my first big deal,’ said Artemis. ‘I delivered it to them in Morocco and they paid me a hundred thousand euro. It funded the entire Arctic expedition.’

Holly and Foaly were speechless. Artemis had effectively put a price on life. Holly backed away from the human she had only moments ago considered a friend.

‘I rationalized the whole thing. My father for a lemur. How could I not go through with it?’ Artemis had real regret in his eyes. ‘I know. It was a terrible thing to do. If I could turn back the clock-’

And suddenly he stopped. He couldn’t turn back the clock, but he knew a demon warlock who could. It was a chance. A chance.

He laid his mother’s hand gently on the bed, then stood to pace.

Plotting music, he thought. I need plotting music.

He selected Beethoven’s Symphony N o 7 from his vast selection of mental music and listened to it as he thought.

Good choice. Sombre yet uplifting. Inspiring stuff.

Artemis paced the carpet, almost unaware of his surroundings, lost in ideas and possibilities.

Holly recognized this mood.

‘He has a plan,’ she said to Foaly.

The centaur pulled a long face, which wasn’t difficult. ‘Why am I not surprised?’

Holly took advantage of Artemis’s distraction to seal her helmet and speak privately to Foaly. She walked to the window and peered out at the estate through a gap in the curtains. The sinking sun wavered behind tree branches, and clumps of dahlias flashed red and white like fireworks.

Holly allowed herself time for a sigh of longing, then focused on the situation.

‘There’s more at stake here than Artemis’s mother,’ she said.

Foaly switched off the television so that Artemis could not hear him.

‘I know. If there is an outbreak, it could be disaster for fairies. We don’t have any antidote left, remember.’

‘We need to interview Opal Koboi. She must have kept records somewhere.’

‘Opal always kept her most valuable formulae in her head. I think she was caught off-guard by the jungle fire — she lost all her donors in one fell swoop.’

Koboi Industries had attracted the Madagascan lemurs by setting a sonix box in the Tsingy de Bemaraha. Virtually every lemur in the island had responded to the box’s call and they had all been wiped out by an unfortunate lightning fire. Luckily, they had already treated most of the infected, but fifteen more fairies had died in quarantine wards.

Artemis stopped pacing and cleared his throat loudly. He was ready to share his plan and he wanted the fairies’ complete attention.

‘There is a relatively simple solution to our problem,’ he said.

Foaly reactivated the television, his face filling the flat screen.

‘Our problem?’

‘Come, Foaly, don’t pretend to be obtuse. This is a fairy plague that has mutated and spread to humans. You have no antidote and no time to synthesize one. Who knows how many cases of Spelltropy are incubating right now.’

Including my own, thought Artemis. I used magic on my mother, so therefore I probably have the disease.

‘We will quarantine the manor,’ responded Foaly. ‘So long as no one uses magic on your mother we can contain this.’

‘I seriously doubt that my mother is patient zero. That is simply too much of a coincidence. There are other cases out there who knows how far along.’

Foaly grunted — his version of conceding a point. ‘So, tell me, Artemis, what is this relatively simple solution? ’

‘I go back in time and save the lemur,’ said Artemis, smiling brightly as though he had suggested a pleasant summer dip.

Silence. Complete silence for several moments, broken eventually by a strangled whinny from Foaly.

‘Go back …’

‘In time …’ completed Holly incredulously.

Artemis sat in a comfortable armchair, steepled his fingers and nodded once.

‘Present your arguments, please. I am ready.’

‘How can you be so smug?’ wondered Holly. ‘After all the tragedy we have seen, after all the havoc your plans have wreaked.’

‘I am determined, not smug,’ corrected Artemis. ‘There is no time for prudence here. My mother has hours left, and the fairy People don’t have much more.’

Foaly was still gaping. ‘Do you have any idea how many constitution committee meetings we would have to sit through just to allow us to bring this issue to a Council meeting?’

Artemis wagged a finger dismissively. ‘Irrelevant. I have read the People’s constitution. It does not govern humans or demons. If Number One decides to help me, technically you have no legal power to stop him.’

Holly joined the discussion. ‘Artemis, this is lunacy. Time travel was outlawed for a reason. The potential repercussions from the slightest interference could be catastrophic.’

Artemis smiled mirthlessly. ‘Ah yes, the trusty time paradox. If I go back in time and kill my grandfather, then shall I cease to exist? I believe, as Gorben and Berndt did, that any repercussions are already being felt. We can only change the future, not the past or present. If I go back, then I have already been back.’

Holly spoke kindly; she felt sorry for Artemis. Angeline’s illness reminded her painfully of her own mother’s final days.